In the Shadows
by EclipsedbyJacob
Summary: Death isn't always the end. A supernatural tale of love and terror. AH/AU
1. Prologue

**The characters I love so much will never be mine. But this story might...**

**For now, consider this a prologue. I only partially know the direction I want this to take but its different than anything I've done so far, so I'm in desperate need of your opinions. **

**The following was vomited after the loss of my dear friend and is dedicated to her memory. **

**Puddles (1980-2009) Rest in Peace.  
**

**In the Shadows by EclipsedbyJacob**

I was fucking angry. Angry because she was taken so young, because she was taken from her husband, her children, her friends, without giving anyone a chance to say goodbye. Because I couldn't remember her as well as I should, because that part of my past was blocked and hazy.

I could remember long soft hair, deep wondering eyes, and a smile both shy and brilliant in the same breath. She was amazing, both as a person and as a friend, but I'd let that friendship fail somewhere along the way. Now I had nothing, nothing, but a handful of memories and the poison of guilt bubbling in my stomach. I should have tried harder to save it. I could have tried harder. I just gave up. I just let him have her and walked away without a fight. I hadn't let myself think of it for too long.

Now I would carry that burden with me to my final resting place. It was already eating my insides raw, tearing my soul to pieces and it had only been three days.

But, I'd loved her, after all.

I couldn't help but wonder if I would be able to sit there, and listen to her family, her real friends remember her in ways I could not. Would I be able to look at Jake and forgive him for the mistakes our youth, or would it be the same after all these years? After everything that had changed?

I shuddered to even imagine her children. If they looked anything like her, I'd lose it for sure. How would I be able to face the miniature doe eyes if they were the same rich chocolate as hers?

My face fell into my hands. Huge, bitter tasting tears rolled through my fingers. I choked on the sobs shaking through every molecule of my body. How would I ever go on knowing she was no longer in this world? She'd been the only thing keeping me going all these years. It would have been easy to swim through life looking at the despair in the bottom of a beer bottle or through the choking smoke of the next drug induced stupor, but I never let myself lose control, no matter how desperately I'd wanted to just roll over and die.

Bella had saved me every time I teetered on that edge before, but this would destroy me.

I cried harder because she didn't deserve any bitterness from me. She had never known how I felt. Nothing that happened was her fault. I would never blame her for my own stupidity. I couldn't even blame it on Jake anymore. He'd done nothing more than make the move I had been too afraid of. And he'd gotten the girl. That's how the world worked, right? Life didn't give things to those that waited for happiness to fall into their hands.

Numb arms slid through the sleeves of my solitary starched shirt. I couldn't feel my fingers as they wrestled with the buttons up my chest and at the cuffs. It itched against my skin, but I didn't bother to scratch. The discomfort was the only thing that felt real. Nothing would be this real again.

I fumbled as I tried to get the knot perfect in my tie. The black silk slid too quickly through my sweating fingers. Tear stains spotted its entire length by the time I had it done. I gave up on looking decent, leaving my entire wardrobe skewed and hanging limply from my shoulders. It was the way I felt. It was too hard to think of the last time I'd worn a tie. Bella had made the loops and pulled it tightly to my neck. Her delicate fingers had smoothed down the collar expertly. But it wouldn't do me any good to dwell on that night.

I focused instead on her face as I walked blindly from my door and down the street to my Volvo. I remembered Bella from age thirteen to twenty nine. (Well, twenty eight, today would have been her birthday but that little detail was too much.) Bella with glasses and braces, losing her plump cheeks of childhood, maturing before my eyes, turning into a beautiful woman. I saw every face she wore, yet could barely recall specific times we were together. I only saw _her_ for so long that I had glanced over a huge part of my life. Not missed, though. Never missed when it was given to her. I wanted her to have every menial detail of every day, but I never told her, so I never had her, and it was fruitless even thinking about it.

The Volvo sped around a corner. The church was at the end of the road, set high on a hill. It was a comforting sight, but made the tears fall harder. I didn't think I was going to be able to get through this day. My heart panged an echo of anguish in acknowledgment.

I parked my car, mind drifting, floating, aware, but unaware. I rested a flat palm on the whitewashed wooden door. The smell of summer flowers flooded my senses, strangling me further. I looked and saw a hanging basket full of blooming flowers. Freesia. Of course.

I didn't even bother to wipe the tears away before opening the door. They rolled in rivers down my face, onto my collar, my shirt. I couldn't care. My grief was unbearable. I would never be able to walk this world without her in it. The pain was too much.

Then my eyes met his: black, miserable, swimming in his own anguish. Jake saw me at the same moment. I watched his own tears streaming from those eyes, dripping off his dark skin with the same chaotic trails as mine. For a moment, he just stared, then the familiar gleam of anger flashed through him, and he was moving.

Blind and confused in my grief, I only saw him. His feet stomping against the hardwood floors was the only sound my ears heard. All six feet six inches of Jacob Black bore down on me, rage mixing with misery. It was a dangerous combination, a lethal Molotov cocktail, but my entire body remained still: anticipating, craving, desiring his anger. I deserved this.

I watched as he brought a huge dark fist back, and studied each crease in his knuckles as he flung it right for my face. The force slammed into me, knocking through me like a fence in a tornado.

I dropped on the spot.

Thankfully, everything went black. It was a small respite from the torment of my aching and wearied soul, but it was something.

It was probably the last thing I'd be grateful to have ever again.

**A/N: So if any one is interested to see what kind of twisted tale I can weave this time, please let me know, because this is not my only story idea. There are actually two very different directions I can go from here and I'm still debating each way. Don't hate on Jake...just throw me some love....I've been dueling this story for a year now, and I think I've gotten my head cleared of vamps at last. I can finally move ahead on something that will feel more like my own. Except that fate has determined that Edward will never be mine, so I have to make do with this. **

**And for any new readers who haven't tasted the insanity that is my mind: know that I always reply to reviews and while I am a bit off kilter, I am still a firm believer in love.  
**


	2. Chapter 1

**The familiar characters of Twilight aren't mine. The plot is.**

**Thanks to those of you who showed interest. I know my methods may be crazy, but I promise I'll make it worth all this.  
**

**Chapter 1**

**Nex**

_An explosion ripped me from my body, but not before I felt my insides turning black and burning away. After that, there was only darkness. Time passed slowly, and I floated in the absolute black, unattached to a body and just barely holding my mind. _

_There were no flashbacks. I didn't hover over my vacated body and watch the paramedics shock the shit out of it. Everything was just gone in an instant. Mercifully, I suppose. That second of pain had killed me. I couldn't imagine what it would have been like to endure it for any amount of time. _

_And now I had infinity to reflect on that life, but it was gone before I had a chance to miss it. It seemed insensitive, even to me, that I spared little thought for my family and friends. Their faces completely faded but it didn't frighten me. I just accepted it. This was uncharted territory, after all. _

_With a sense of absolute detachment, I floated in the endless night. Almost without thinking at all. If this was to be my eternity, I decided to embrace it. To hell with whoever I had been before; she no longer existed. I was content in this ocean of idleness. _

_After living, it was so peaceful._

_So dark and silent._

_Conscious thought faded from my mind entirely for an indeterminable amount of time._

A flash of blinding light sparked behind my closed eyelids. I sighed, feeling relieved, like I was waking from a nightmare. It took a few moments of blinking groggily until I recognized the surrounding emptiness. I wanted to curse but was stopped short by another flash of light.

It looked far away, though I had been under the impression this was a fairly enclosed darkness. After a few more flickers, the light shone bright enough to stun my eyes. I tried to blink away bursts of black but still slow to adjust. By the time I could see with any kind clarity, there was a shadow walking from the light, directly toward me.

More than anything, I felt irritated my peaceful eternity had been disrupted. I had been content. But the stranger stalked closer, purposefully. I shrank back into the shadows of the darkness, wishing I could disappear again. I didn't want any kind of confrontation. Not now. Not ever.

"_Oh shit_!"

The voice suddenly echoed around like I was in a massive cavern. I was surprised and terrified in the same instant. While the voice had sounded somewhat rough and low, as the figure closed in on me, I could see it was a woman.

She was dressed in a long white gown and had golden waves of hair reaching past her waist. The grace of her movement was unnaturally smooth, and her skin seemed gray and dull. It seemed somehow out of place on her stunning face. A gleaming smile spread her lips when she was finally close enough to touch me. All the fear I had felt was drained as I looked on the very essence of ease.

Her dark eyes twinkled. "I'm here to take you home," she said softly.

"Home?" It was a choked sound.

"Nex."

I didn't even hesitate when her ashy hand reached toward me. I simply snatched it in my own. As soon as I touched her cool skin I realized I had substance again: a body, though it felt unfamiliar and unused. Of course I did. I _had_ grabbed her hand. I'd just felt disconnected for so long that any direct movement seemed unnatural.

She led me back in the direction she had come. Toward the light. My breathing was ragged, as we walked in the growing brightness. She was quiet, so I let the shock have me. After so long spent denying my senses, using them again was a struggle. I blinked furiously until I was bathed in the bluish glare.

Then we were stepping onto a street, as if we had been walking along it the entire time. My mouth dropped. We were suddenly strolling down the street of a huge, ghostly city. Buildings loomed high above, all the same colorless silver hue. They nearly blended into the pearly gray of the cloudy sky above. Everywhere I looked, huge structures towered in the clouds. The streets were paved, and pulsing with people. I was shocked by how many there were and none seemed to notice our sudden appearance in the middle of the crowds.

"Are you alright?" The blond stopped and was staring at me.

"It looks…" I choked unable to finish so I gazed up at thousands of dark windows above our heads.

The corners of her lips curled upward, like it was a joke. But she was moving without another word, dragging me further into the ghost city.

My eyes darted everywhere, trying to see everything at once. Black billboards dotted the skyline. One shouted the benefits of Dempin, apparently a popular drink around here. Another was inviting the reader to visit the infamous Dr. Laurent. In blood red writing it promised that he was the true leader for change. But the deep crimson eyes looked like nothing I'd ever trust. When I hesitated, entranced by the piercing stare, the woman yanked at my arm and dragged me out of range. His face faded into the grayness around me with the many other sights we hurried past.

Aside from rows upon rows of the eerie buildings, there were little shops dotting the street. It was so similar to any city I'd ever visited, but in a blander, darker palette. Everything was huge, but there was no foliage growing along the streets, or cars. But throngs of bodies still bustled around us.

Their skin was the same color as the woman's, and it was then I looked down to see my own hand the exact shade as hers. It was the same subdued hue as the buildings, the clouds, the street. Chills slipped up my spine, but I couldn't shake the iron grasp on my hand. This place was suddenly stifling.

Possibly sensing my impending panic attack, the gray woman paused mid-step. "Your eyes will adjust," she said softly. "It's actually a lovely city. Your human lenses must deteriorate before you can see it properly."

She said it like it should be obvious. I looked around again, doubtful. It was a horribly dark place. I couldn't imagine even walking inside one the cathedral like buildings.

"Where am I?" I wondered.

The woman noted the free hand against my throat. "There is much to tell you," she said, grimacing slightly. "I will explain everything, but first we must see a friend. This is all quite unexpected."

She was walking again, talking over her shoulder, but I couldn't understand much of it. Her voice was lost into the multitudes swarming around us. The city seemed to hum slightly with hushed conversations, though no one seemed to be traveling together. Their actions seemed totally random. I noticed one man wearing a dirty white toga that was similar to the one the woman wore. Only his, like those around him, was tattered to thin pieces. It was then I saw his mouth moving just slightly, and realized the buzzing was from these people talking to themselves.

This was hell. My agnostic beliefs had landed me in purgatory. I started shivering uncontrollably. My legs felt frozen in place, and I couldn't summon up the desire to move them. Something cold touched my back. Another frosty sensation ran over my exposed arm raising goosebumps over my entire body. It was then I realized I was completely naked.

I gasped. The woman yanked me forward. The mindless were reaching out for me, but I was pulled away with more strength than I thought she'd be capable and found myself running to keep up.

"What were those things?" I panted.

"_Animus Mortuus_," she hissed. "Hurry up!"

I ran behind her, shamefully aware of my exposed body and wondering why I hadn't noticed before. The woman stopped in front of one of the towering monstrosities.

Stepping through the huge wooden doors was worse than standing amid the hordes down the street. Somehow, finding the strength to shake off the incredibly uneasy feeling I had was harder than anything I had done thus far. The woman gave me no choice, and I stumbled in after her.

It was a relief to see it was brighter inside than the outside had been, and reminded me vaguely of an old city apartment building. Instead of grays, there was soft, comforting cream and ivory draped everywhere, still not an ounce of color on anything. The silver framed artwork looked like pencil sketches of random lines and circles. A table next to the elevator had a dozen huge white mums, but even the stems looked gray.

We stepped into the small box, the door sliding shut right behind and began to rise higher and higher in silence, incessant worry growing with each ding.

At the highest floor, we stepped into a wonderfully lavish foyer. There were actually splashes of brown in the color palette here. It was a tired and subdued shade, but was a comfort after the lack of any visual stimulation.

A man sat behind a very nondescript desk. He looked up at us with a bored expression. "Finally found her, I see," he said.

"Shut up, Ben," the woman snarled. She swept me past him and through another door without bothering to knock.

The room beyond was empty, save for a large circular table in the very center. I wasn't pleased to see it was only lit from above by a dirty skylight. The majority of the dusty light fell directly on the table, leaving the rest of the room to shadows. It was much eerier than it had been in the foyer.

"Mike!" The woman shouted impatiently. She was beginning to seem agitated. It was a far cry from her previous nonchalance.

Immediately, a tall man with a round stomach and wearing a dark gray robe shuffled toward us from the opposite side of the room. It was almost like he was hiding there, waiting to be called.

"Rosalie," his voice was surprised, but I finally had a name for the woman. "What is she doing here?"

"She's dead, you idiot!"

"How did this happen?" Disbelief was evident on the sharp features of the man. He was several inches taller than me and his hair was a lighter shade of gold as Rosalie's. The gray surface of his skin shone a little with the soft light from above, and he looked totally confused.

Nervously, Mike began pacing in front of us, muttering incoherently under his breath.

"I'll give you one guess," Rosalie seethed, breaking the man out of his worry.

"_Caius_," he hissed in a tone very much like a snake. "What will we do?"

"Nothing for now," Rosalie glanced at me. "We can hide her for awhile. Maybe Em can get her into Guiding. At least until we figure out what's going on."

Mike's dark eyes studied me for a brief second before he spoke again. "Are you sure she could? Even if it were temporary, would she be able to handle it?"

"She's strong." The assured tone was comforting, but only just. I had a bad feeling about this.

"It takes years of training to be capable of withstanding the emotional strain. You of all people should be aware. This one is hardly up to the task especially coming from behind the veil so recently."

I could sense an insult when I heard one, and I turned fierce eyes onto the pudgy gray bastard. "Don't talk about me like I'm not here."

Rosalie laughed aloud, and placed a soft hand on my shoulder. "I told you. She can handle it."

"Tell me what's going on," I demanded.

"There'll be time for that," she told me. Then, she addressed Mike. "Get in contact with Emmett right away. Don't speak to anyone about this, and tell him the same. We'll meet again at dawn."

Mike's voice was still grumbling as the door swung shut behind us. Ben was still sitting stoically at his desk, staring at his fingernails. "The same goes for you, Ben. If word of this leaks, I'm holding you personally responsible."

He froze, wide eyes gazing at Rosalie, who showed no sign that she wouldn't deliver on the promise. Finally, he nodded his head jerkily, and the woman moved toward the elevator.

"Um," I started, looking at my still unclothed body. She caught the direction of my glance, and huffed. "Ben! Robe, please." She held her hand in the direction we had just walked, and impatiently beckoned with her fingers.

The white clothing was in her hand without a word, though I could imagine what he was thinking. His face bore an angry, yet stubborn expression, dark eyes blazing. Rosalie didn't even glance back at him. She quickly draped the robe over my head, and jammed her finger into the down button next to the lift. The doors opened right away, as if waiting our return. As I was still reeling from the obscurity of my situation, I found myself walking back down the same street.

Though I wouldn't have thought it possible, it was even creepier than before. The filtered light from the clouds had all but faded, leaving everything dark. It reminded me too much of the infinite darkness of my bubble. I almost wished I was still there. I hadn't been afraid of anything hiding in that darkness.

We passed no more mindless wanderers, and I was glad Rosalie walked slow enough for me to walk by her side. It felt more like protection. In the silence, I furtively glanced at her. Her face was clear, void of any emotion. She had been so passionate earlier when she spoke, that seeing her so calm was unsettling. This woman was not only wise, but as far as I could tell, saving me. I just hoped I would find out what it was I needed saving from.

We walked far into the city, occasionally passing someone walking along their way, but none had the same senseless demeanor as the masses that had grabbed at me earlier. The short city blocks stretched out far in every direction, until the darkness stole away all perception of distance. Even the road in front of me was unnaturally dark.

When we finally reached our destination, I sighed in relief. There was no hesitation to enter this time. Inside, it was dark and old. The air smelt of decay, and I gagged, though I saw no reason I should. Rosalie led the way down a narrow, thread bare hallway and to a door on the far wall. It was labeled with a small black sign with bright white writing.

Authorized Personnel Only.

She paused long enough to lay her hand flat against the sign, and the door opened with a soft pop. Behind the squeaking hinges was a long room full of tables. It resembled a laboratory, with tubes covering every single level surface. There was a quiet, steady beeping sound, but it was almost lost completely by the sound of liquid boiling slowly.

We walked between two table toward another door, and I was fascinated by the multitude of colorful liquids. They were all a muted, dull hue, but it was color none the less. Red liquids, blue, green. It was beautiful, like I had just woken from a long slumber. I had to blink furiously to reassure myself I wasn't sleeping. Given everything I had seen already, it wasn't easy.

Through the second door was a deep spiraling staircase that angled into the depths of the basement. The shiver that ran up my spine told me that I wanted to be almost anywhere other than here. With no hint of hesitation, Rosalie stepped surely down the stairs, disappearing quickly into the gloom. There was no choice but to follow after her, but it didn't take long to realize she had vanished completely. I couldn't even hear her swift steps bouncing against the hard stairs.

My breathing came in quick gasps, but I continued on. Lower and lower I went. The farther I went the walls seemed to come in more and more until there was barely enough room to walk without twisting my shoulders. Amazingly, it got darker and darker, until it felt like a blanket had been thrown over my eyes. I forced my toes to search out the edge of every step, as kept I kept going. Deeper and deeper, until I thought for sure I must have reached the center of the earth.

Finally, my toes couldn't hunt out another edge. I brought my feet from the stairs, and stood in a room that felt immense in comparison to the tiny stairwell. I still couldn't see anything, so reached my arms out wide, trying to reach out for the wall. I had enough time to realize that there was nothing in a safe distance in any direction. I couldn't even feel the entrance behind me though I was positive I only stepped off the bottom stair. I hadn't taken another step at all.

My skin began to feel clammy with my stress. Rosalie was nowhere to be seen. Had she brought me back to my bubble, despite what she had spoken to Mike about? I couldn't make sense of it. Of any of it! What the hell was going on here?

Suddenly, a burst of light erupted an incredible distance away from me, followed closely by another, infinitesimally closer. With a domino effect, a long straight line of lights sparked into existence. The light reached me quickly, and I gazed at my exposed surroundings.

I was in the middle of a gigantic cave. A domed ceiling raised stories above me, and the nearly smooth walls were almost that far away from me as the ceiling. Though I was sure I hadn't taken more than one step from the stairs, I was the direct center, far away from anything. Lending more to my discomfort, there was only one other opening- the one the lights had started. It didn't have any stairs as far as I could see.

Having no other options, I made my way slowly toward the tunnel. It surprised me how long it actually was. From my previous vantage, it had been deceiving. The hundreds of lanterns hung along the wall had seemed to be right on top of each other. As I made my way slowly over the smooth stone beneath my bare feet, I discovered the lanterns were separated by as much as 20 feet. The tunnel seemed endless.

Once I had made my way to the final lantern, I found myself looking into another rounded chamber. It wasn't nearly of the same massive scale as its predecessor. Rosalie was standing near the center, an ultra white robe slung over her arm like a waitress.

"I'm aware that there is much to admire here, but that doesn't give us extra time," she said shortly as I approached.

"I couldn't see anything." The tone of my voice matched hers.

She smiled with the air of apology. "I forget. Your lenses." She waved a dismissive hand. "No matter. They'll be gone in a couple of days."

The woman closed the gap between us and gracefully pulled me out of the borrowed clothes. She grabbed my hand and led me to the left, where I finally noticed a pool of water sunken into the stone. She stood to the side as I waded into the waist deep water and ducked to cover myself to my shoulders. Her beautiful face had a stoic expression, and she kept her black eyes trained on the wall behind me.

Without further instruction, I simply floated in the lukewarm water, wondering if she was asleep, when she finally spoke again. Her voice was low and held the distinct tone of sadness.

"I'm sorry."

I turned back toward her. She hadn't moved an inch. "What do you mean?"

"Your baptism should be a grand ceremony. This isn't fair."

I neglected to point out that I didn't know or care either way, but something told me to bite my tongue. Maybe she was going to finally explain all of this. I was growing impatient feeling this confusion. I needed answers before I'd offer her anything else from me.

I didn't have the chance to tell her. Rosalie was speaking again, in low undertones. "_Reperio vires scio iustum_." It had the ominous sound of a prayer. She threw a chalice of water over my head and continued in a stronger voice. "_Find the strength to know what is right_. Rise daughter. There is much to do."

The bitter taste of the water was thick on my lips, and dripping, I stepped from the shallow pool. My body was colder than it had been. I was afraid the air would chill the moisture on my skin, but Rosalie had the robe on me in an instant, leading me to a small natural bench on the side of the cave. We sat down together and at last her full attention was on me.

I couldn't help but take her in again: her perfect face, soft blond hair, dark round eyes hiding an infinite amount of wisdom. Again I marveled at the simplistic beauty. She seemed to have a fast temper, but I sensed a warmth and compassion spiral from her. I trusted her explicitly and knew I needed all the help I could get. This entire experience so far had done nothing but make me weary of this place.

Rosalie's waves of gold settled on my arm and I brushed it away, noting how soft it was on my fingers. I looked into her eyes with what I hoped was an expression of dire confusion. She seemed to understand.

"Of course. You're ready to know what's going on, aren't you?" I nodded slightly and she continued. "Do you know where you are?"

"Didn't you say this is called Nex?" I wondered.

"I did. But do you _understand_ where you are?"

I understood her question, but was afraid to speak the answer. To admit it would make it truth. I wasn't quite ready to do that yet. There were still so many questions. Honestly, I knew there was no other choice. I had to make the admittance, or I'd never have my answers. In one short breath I said it.

"I'm dead."

Her agreeing nod felt like the final nail driving into my coffin. It was true then. Some part had held onto the hope that it was some extreme dream, but the shivers sliding up and down my spine made it real. What was I playing at, anyway? There weren't even any memories in my mind about who I was or where I had been. That in itself should have made the truth painfully obvious.

In any case, now it had been diagnosed and confirmed. I only had left to accept it. "I need to know what's happening," I muttered. "I feel like I'm losing my mind."

Out of nowhere, Rosalie's soft melodic laughter was ringing in the open space. "Impossible," she finally managed to say between chuckles. "If you were going to lose it, it would have been when the Morti grabbed you."

All amusement drained from her features, and her voice became a much more serious tone. "They feed on the energy of the recently unveiled. The amount one carries with them depends solely on the time spent in transition."

"The bubble?" I wondered aloud.

"Yes, I suppose you could look at it like that."

"What way should I look at it?"

She seemed hesitate before answering. "Our souls must spend time in transition for the bodies to emit the last of its impulses. Only when the soul has completely detached from the corporeal world can decomposition begin. And that's what is necessary to enter this side of the Decessus Divide. Without the transition, the soul will rise again as one of the Mortuus."

I shuddered at the thought, glad I had bypassed that mindless fate. "What was all that about keeping me hidden?"

To my surprise, it was Rosalie's turn to look uncomfortable. "There is much to tell you before we get to that. You must be able to pass as a Rector. They usually have an infinity to train for their positions, and would have at the very least, a basic knowledge of Nex and Decessia as a whole. You have much to learn, but it won't take long.

"I only have a few brief hours before Emmett will be here to give you basic training. You may be on your own for awhile, before I can be in contact again. You must be able to blend in. No one can realize you are not what you seem. I'm confident you can do it. I know you much better than you realize."

I looked at the woman next to me for a long silent moment. I truly knew nothing, so I asked the simplest. "What's my name?"

Rosalie pulled herself onto her feet, still looking me with that intense stare.

"Bella," she whispered, and moved to the center of the cave. She stood at the edge of the bitter baptismal pool.

I found myself longing for my bubble. There, the solitude was comforting.

Here, it was stifling.

**A/N: So, because I've been thinking this thing over for so long, a lot of the scenes are written. Its just a matter of pulling them together. And as far as the two directions I thought I could go? Well, I've decided to use them both. Expect the next chap from Edward's POV. And don't worry. More info on this alter-afterlife soon.  
**


	3. Chapter 2

**Twilight isn't mine. This plot is.**

**Another installment. Don't always expect such fast updates from me, but I wanted to get the story moving, so here you go...**

**Chapter 2**

**Something Wicked**

_Jacob's right fist connected with my nose and I dropped. The dark haired twelve year old growled._

_Then he saw her. Her hair was soft as chocolate and just as captivating, especially to thirteen year old eyes. That's what he noticed first. She cast a shadow over him while glaring at Jacob. _

"_What'd you do that for?" she demanded with an angry stomp of her foot._

_Then I saw the eyes. She was staring at my aggressor, eying him with disdain. "You lay one more finger on him and I'll kick you in the nuts."_

I came to with the sharp pain in my chest pulsing and my head throbbing. I raised a hand to my left eye, realizing it was swollen to the size of a baseball. I groaned loudly. Jake always had a nasty left hook. I ignored the tacky blood falling from it. It was safer than the tears, so I would bleed.

Suddenly I heard a lull noise through the dull ringing in my ears. It took me a moment to realize someone was calling my name. I blinked a few times, trying to clear out the excess noise my mind and focused on a familiar face. I should have been surprised to see him sitting on the edge of the couch. But I couldn't find enough strength to find the emotion. I had severed this friendship, too.

"Are you ok?" he asked. The concern was sincere.

My voice cracked with my first attempt to answer. I cleared my throat roughly, disgusted by the copper taste of blood in my mouth. I'm not sure what he saw with those soft blue eyes. Grief and pain was etched in the very fiber of my being. It was written all over my face that I was a destroyed man.

"Do I look ok?" I threw back a feeble joke and pointed at the second head growing out of my forehead. "I was hoping no one would notice."

After a small hesitation, Jasper reached his hand forward, grabbing mine with a firm grip. "No one will notice a thing."

His touch was comfort among the misery. He held my hand a moment longer, making sure I was steady on my feet. I felt loss again as soon as he released me and I was instantly reminded that I was alone in this crowded world.

He led me into the small chapel and into the farthest pew where the only seats remained. The service had begun, but I couldn't even hear the minister. His words rambled on and on, not really making sense. Not possibly talking about Bella.

I focused instead on the back of Jake's head at the front of the church. His black hair tied at the nape of his neck, shoulders slumped forward, defeated. He trembled in silent sorrow. On his right sat two smaller figures, with deep black hair like their father's, but theirs was still too short to pull back like his long braid. Boys. Bella's boys. They were too young to endure losing their mother. They hadn't been given the chance to know her yet. They'd been robbed the gift of having her beautiful soul raise them and love them.

I don't think my tears stopped the entire time, through the eulogy, and the meaningless songs and poetry. That wasn't Bella. She was more than words, more than cheap sympathy you could buy on a Hallmark card. She was deeper and more brilliant than anyone could put into words. But how can one describe perfection?

Somehow, the awful hour ended and after promising to meet Jasper for lunch this week, I found myself driving to the cemetery, the last car in a long line of friends who had more right to follow than I did. I'd traded that privilege when I walked away from her crying eyes ten years ago.

I couldn't even think as I stood aside and watched the burial. Her white casket was adorned with roses and carnations, flowers Bella had always considered contrite and unoriginal. It hovered above the hole where she'd be put to rest for eternity. My tears still fell, my heart still wept, and one eye swelled shut and throbbed with the reminder that time didn't change anything. It didn't have the capabilities, no matter how often I prayed for it to erase my mistakes.

I stared over the low hills of gravestones, at Bella's family, swathed in black clothing and saying their goodbyes. My farewell would wait until I could be alone. I didn't deserve it, but she did. She deserved the truth from me after all this time, and I would tell her, even if the confession fell to ears that would never hear again.

I was in the Volvo before the ceremony was over. I would return later that night to have my time, but I wasn't looking forward to another encounter with her widower. He was not the type to forget. And I couldn't blame him, had I ended up in his shoes, I would have acted the same way. I never would forgive myself, how could I ask it from him?

I ended up on my couch, twisting the self medicating herb into a one and a quarter Zig Zag. I stared at the rolled relief. I knew this would numb my body the way my mind was numb. I demanded relief from the piercing ache in my chest, knowing full well that it would never go away. Without Bella living and breathing and smiling, my heart would never mend. It would stay an open wound for the rest of my days.

The acrid smoke burned my lungs, set fire to my throat, but I held the gray smoke inside, letting it inebriate my senses. I held it until the edges of my vision began to cloud in darkness. The exhale caught in my throat and I started choking. But as soon as I had a breath, I inhaled again. I craved the numbing cloud that the drug would bring. I needed the senselessness of getting blazed and tuning out. I wanted to hide in the high just as I had countless times before.

But this day, I would find no relief. The stale sweetness of the smoke twisted lazily in the room with nothing more than my shallow breathing to push it around the apartment. It invited the memories I tried to push away. Rather than taking the pain and shoving it under the rug, the weed pushed it right in front of my face.

"_I don't know what I'm doing," Bella whispered, taking the cold metal pipe with trepidation. Her eyes, open wide, were searching Jacob's._

_The irony was we were all fresh from Sunday school and hiding behind Chief Swan's camper. Bella was dressed in a cotton sundress with huge yellow daises dotting it. There was a bow on her back, and two in her hair. She looked the picture of innocence, standing with the pipe blazing in her fingers. _

"_It's fine. Rachel does it all the time. Here." Jacob took it from her thin hands and raised it to his lips. He inhaled deeply and immediately hacked out a gust of rank smoke. Bella's nose crinkled at the offending smell while Jake continued hacking exaggeratedly for at least two minutes longer than necessary. _

_She turned those innocent eyes on me. I was weak under them. It had always been that way, long before there were the other feelings to confuse everything. But at fourteen, we knew it all, so I smiled at her with the crooked grin I knew she loved._

"_No big deal," I confirmed with a wink. Even Carlisle had smoked weed in college, and he was the epitome of what I wanted to be in life. It was still a few years before I realized it was an impossible dream, just like the rest of them._

_I took the joint from Jake who was teary eyed and still coughing intermittently. Don't be fooled. I was the picture of cool on the outside – I was always that way in front of Bella – but I was a bundle of shaking nerves inside. What I knew of drugs was that they fried your brain, like an egg in a hot skillet. And just about every teenager was dying to use them. A proverbial catch 22. _

_I stared at the pieces of metal plumbing in my hand, wishing I could stop myself, but not wanting to look weak in Bella's eyes. So I inhaled. _

_Much to my surprise, I was able to hold onto the smoke without bursting, and when I exhaled, the smoke was sweet in the air and on my lips. Bella watched me with fascination in her eyes until I held it out to her._

_This time, her hesitation was nonexistent. Brown eyes watched mine as she mimicked my actions. Her lips parted and she inhaled deep and full, holding her breath until she looked dizzy and dazed. _

_Later, we lounged in the Swan living room, laughing and bonding in a fever of inebriation. Jake, as much my friend as Bella, had us howling at his impressions. And Bella, beautiful even then, smiled with the light of an angel. A sheen of sweat glistened on her forehead and her bloodshot eyes were mere slits, but she'd never looked more radiant._

_It was the first time I'd ever looked at Bella Swan the way other boys looked at other girls._

"_I'm suddenly famished," she cackled, and was on her feet and bounding to the kitchen._

I searched my fridge looking for something to eat. My eyes were glossed and my limbs heavy and even though my stomach ached with insatiable hunger, I couldn't find anything worth eating. What I craved was what Bella would have had, a lemonade and Pop Tarts.

Having neither in the bare fridge, I settled on throwing a burrito in the microwave, and grabbing the half empty bag of chips. I slouched back to the couch to wait for the microwave to finish preparing my gourmet meal. The soft hum followed me. I just stared at a silent television. Baseball was on as usual, but the sound was muted. I didn't even know when I'd turned it on. Shadows were stretching across the walls of the apartment, and I knew I'd been sitting for hours. Lost.

I was lost.

I heard the ding, but I just sat there. Panic was invading my body. I knew I needed to go to Bella. I felt the pull to her already, but moving from that spot was impossible. I wasn't ready to say everything. I wasn't ready for goodbye. There was so much I hadn't told her, so much I wanted her to know, and suddenly the absurdity of talking to a mound of earth made my stomach twist uncomfortably.

The panic shifted to fear and then anger again. Why? Why did it have to be Bella out of all the people in the entire world? There were billions of others. Surely there were more deserving that Bella Swan: rapists, murderers, and pedophiles. All walking around with uncontrollable sicknesses and Bella is the one to go. Was there no justice in the world that would do that to a woman that was instantly loved by everyone she met? It was horrifying, heart wrenching, cold and painful. Out of every soul alive today, Bella's was the one most worth saving.

At that moment, the door opened with a small creak. My head was slow to move, but I stared at it as it swung inward slowly.

It was all I needed. I pulled myself up and grabbed my keys off the desk. I didn't even notice that there wasn't a breeze that night. I just stepped through the open door, locked it and closed it tightly as I stalked into the night.

I felt like an adolescent standing above Bella's grave. I was scared of the shadows cast by the dark headstones, the haunting green of the moon, each noise that followed me through the night. I felt thirteen all over again. The boogeyman would get me when I turned my weary eyes onto the freshly turned soil. They fell there naturally, then, and I couldn't look away.

Bella was under there.

_My_ Bella.

I was on my knees. Fingers raking through the damp earth. I didn't know if I meant to dig her out or if I was just trying to grab hold of some part of her. The tears didn't start, but my eyes burned as the salty sting touched their dry and bloodshot centers. I dragged the sleeve of my only dress shirt to clean my nose and slumped next to her.

Bella was under there.

Realization had already come. I was working on acceptance.

But there was nothing to _accept._ She was stolen from this world, and now we had to trudge on and pretend like it didn't matter, that life went on. But that was just it. My life wouldn't just 'go on.' That was an impossibility. I couldn't exist in a world where she no longer lived and breathed and smiled. Plain and simple, but never _acceptable_.

It was while I laid there that I actually realized that I wouldn't last long. The agony of losing her was too much.

Darkness crawled over the cemetery, casting eerie shadows over the ground, but I lay still, next to her yet to be marked grave.

"_Can you see that bright one there," I asked a long finger pointed to the star speckled heavens above._

_Bella nodded her head slightly, still squinting._

"_That's Polaris," I told her, "The North Star."_

_She hmmed softly, and I dropped my arm and turned my eyes to sixteen year old Bella. She was breathtaking under the pale starlight. She didn't notice my preoccupation of something other than the stars._

"_As long as you can find Polaris," I whispered quietly, "you can always find your way home."_

_Bella snorted, then turned and caught me staring at her. "You act like I'll be able to use this information later," she chuckled with a smile stretching wide across her face._

_I wanted to kiss her. I always wanted to kiss her, but I couldn't lean those last few inches and touch her. For so long I'd gotten by with casual touches and meaningless advances. I'd watched her blossom, watched the other guys notice her subtle curves, and I remained steadfast by her side. Not daring to lose her by doing something she didn't want._

"_Just find the little dipper," I said, hiding my disappointment and cowardice behind that stupid grin she thought was so cute._

_Bella's eye twinkled like the sky above. "I can do that," she said excitedly and turned those big brown eyes back to the sky. "There it is."_

_Now her thin arm pointed upward. I hated to tell her that she was pointing at the wrong dipper, but she laughed with me._

"_I told you!" she exclaimed in mock hurt. "I'll never make it home."_

"_I guess I'll never leave you alone, then," I declared. A lie I had no intention of breaking. _

_My hands reached outward and I attacked her waist with tickling fingers. Bella shrieked and ran. Ignoring the electric charge that thickened between my legs when I touched her, I took off. I was faster, but she always won._

"What are you doing?"

The voice was a growl and it shook me from my daydream. It was familiar on the basest level. I repressed a groan. I didn't need this again today.

"I'm saying goodbye," I answered, my voice tired. I hadn't slept since it happened.

"No, dillweed," Jake said and there was a sharp nudge just under my ribs, "that's my side."

I opened my eyes and found myself staring up at the velvet night sky. Flecks of brightness spotted the night, but they failed to have the same allure as they had when I'd shown them to Bella. Rising up my elbows, I saw Jake towering above me where I'd crashed on the left side of her grave. I wondered if there was a rule on being buried to the left of your wife like wearing a wedding band on your left hand. I hadn't given it any mind. Bella had always positioned herself on my right hand side. It was just the way things were.

I looked into Jake's black eyes. They looked dull and empty, too tired to be angry over something so unimportant. With a thud, he dropped down across from me, forcing me to sit up so I could still watch his movements.

I hadn't seen Jacob Black in months, and hadn't been this close to him in years, but he looked worn, haggard. Much older than thirty. A set of creases folded in at the corner of his eyes, and his lips seemed to be dragged lower by the heavy hand of gravity. I knew it was something much more powerful that turned the corners down, but poor Jacob Black looked aged and tired. It made me wonder how well I wore my own grief; he looked as destroyed physically as I felt mentally, hardly resembling the lost friend of my childhood. I could only recognize him in that look that was exclusively his, that lost little boy who'd had more balls than I could ever muster. He had never hidden behind a facade, just asked for what he wanted. And even now as he sat lost and crumbling, I saw it still. He would make it through this. And I was glad of it. He'd been stronger than me in so many ways.

The silence stretched on as we eyed each other. Neither of us had made attempts to speak, we only stared at each other. I hated him for loving her. I loved him for taking care of her. I hated that he'd spent these ten long years with her while I drifted through life without direction or ambition. I loved that he didn't fucking care one bit, because it made her care even more.

Without noticing, the tears were streaming down my face again. Jake just stared at me like he was waiting for me to say something. But what could I say?

I sat there, five feet away from my once best friend and cried silently until I didn't care he was there anymore, watching me finish breaking. His face was hidden behind the haze of tears, and the salty film layering my contacts. I'd be in my glasses for weeks, but it was worth it when that dark, equally devastated face disappeared behind the fog.

My eyes finally fell to the soft brown dirt, and I inhaled twice knowing I had to say something to him.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered.

It had been ten long years, and I owed him those three words. I owed it to Bella to say them aloud. I fell in love with our best friend, and tore all our lives apart because I let him have her. The very least I could do was apologize.

"Tell that to the kids," he mumbled lowly.

The emotion in his soft tone was enough to pull my eyes back to his. Even through the damaged contacts, I could see the watery edges.

"They don't even know what the fuck is going on, and I don't know what to tell them," he continued roughly. "What am I supposed to say?"

"But you have your ad and the Chief. They're young. They'll be ok." It sounded shallow to my own ears, and I saw as a flash of anger stabbed through those midnight eyes.

"Fuck, Edward! You don't know what it's like growing up like that." Jacob lost steam as soon as he started, his voice ended in a whisper.

Old hurt fueled Jake's deep grief. What the fuck was I thinking? I mean, statistically, young children can learn to adapt better than older kids, but it didn't mean the suffering would be less for them growing up without their mother. I was an insensitive shit. Would it kill me to have a little more fucking sympathy for someone other than myself?

But just because I realized I was a tactless prick, didn't mean I could think of anything to say. The silence drew on like my shame. I couldn't even pretend to be a normal fucking person.

I groaned, and flopped onto my back. Fuck it. He could take me out while I was lying here with my eyes closed. At least the surprise might give me a second of feeling.

Almost immediately, I heard Jake shift from Bella's other side. I thought he might be laying down, too, but a second later he said, "Did you hear that?"

He moved again and I looked over, hearing the fear in his familiar voice. Jake was sitting straight up, back to me. His head was staring into the darkness, moving slightly as if looking for something in the shadowy graveyard.

Sensing the tension in his muscles, I sat up too.

"What?" I was looking over his shoulder in the direction Jake's head was facing. There wasn't anything. I couldn't even hear any bullfrogs or crickets. Everything was quiet. Both our breaths puffed out in bursts of condensation. It only struck me then how cold it had gotten. It wasn't really unusual for this area for temperature drops, but it was decidedly colder than it was even ten minutes ago.

Goosebumbs rose over my arms as a shiver snaked down my spine.

This time we both heard it, and our heads snapped toward a copse of trees a little ways away.

"What the fuck was that?" I was aware my voice was louder than I intended.

Jake hissed for me to stay quiet. Both our breaths were coming fast and hard. My own heart was pounding somewhere between my throat and my ears.

"I distinctly heard a growl," I snarled back.

This was not happening right now. We were about to get attacked by some wild animal out here. Not the most pleasant way to go, but at least they wouldn't have to take me far to bury me. I actually started thinking about running. I only ever let Bella beat me in a race, and despite a slothful existence for the last few years, I was pretty confident I could out run Jacob. Even if he was ripped. Muscles do not equal speed.

I knew his body was as ready for the flight response to kick in as mine was, but neither moved. We just stared into the darkness. Again there was another growl an the leaves of the trees began to shake violently, gathering momentum like they'd be ripped from the branches. Fuck that there was no wind, but it looked like a tornado was building behind the thin trunks.

I didn't even have time to blink. My breath caught in my throat mid exhale, and it was charging. A black mass of swirling dark light suddenly ripped through the tangle of shaking branches and raced toward Bella's grave.

With it came a voice, or well what can only be described that way. In reality it was far to low and guttural to be real speech. But both Jake and I grasped the meaning instantly.

_**Mine!**_

He was on his feet and running, leaping a headstone gracefully. Slower to react, I stumbled backward a few feet when I managed to stand, and nearly fell right back down. The thing, the black cloud was coming. I looked at it, eyes wide and shocked. The thing swirled, dark movements barely discernible, but when the thing started forming, I saw the hollow eyes and grinning teeth of a black skull.

I may or may not have screamed like a girl as I chased after Jake through the cemetery.

**A/N: So, do you believe in ghosts?**

**I do. More to come. In the meantime, leave me a review....  
**


	4. Chapter 3

**As per usual, characters not mine, plot is...**

**The following is not intended to offend or in any way alienate any one's belief system. I don't necessarily view the world this way, but...**

**What if...?  
**

**Chapter 3**

**Through the Veil**

Rosalie talked softly all night, explaining everything she could possibly force into my mind. It was frightening and exciting all at once.

The city of Nex was just one of thousands positioned conveniently around the world. Together, the cities, transition hubs, and reincarnation sites made up the realm of Decessus, of the dead. For the most part, the dead kept away from the other side. It took more energy than most thought it worth to expend. The exception to that were the Guides. They were in and out of both dimensions, relying on the comfort of the transition chambers to help maintain their strength.

I'd already had the misfortune of meeting the Animus Mortuus, who would be forever stuck in their own mindless purgatory. Rosalie explained that these were the reason for many hauntings in the living realm. Their minds refused to disconnect with the lives they knew. They were forever plunged within the stains of their pasts, sometimes manifesting themselves in familiar places within their lives. The Morti had no control over where their souls were.

For their parts, humans were typically oblivious to the direct contact the dead had in their lives. A person who was sensitive to the veils their mortality created were infinitely more perceptive. Clairvoyants and mediums that could detect the spirits in the world around them were easier to communicate with, and therefore a much more useful tool. Humans can persuade others much easier than any spirit could dare dream. They can touch every other mortal they come in contact with.

Guides tried to influence the humans that could sense them, and each soul reborn was followed there by a Guide. It was very intriguing. I was interested in starting as soon as possible. Then, Rosalie mentioned splitting the soul from the body to travel between the linked planes of existence. I winced.

Noticing my expression, she patted my knee lightly with her hand. "It only hurts when you die. After that, there's no real connection to the physical body. It doesn't even exist. Think of it as a figment of your imagination. You can turn it on and off like a switch. Here, let me show you."

She stood and before my eyes, Rosalie faded into oblivion. In her place was a foggy shining mist. It pulsed and floated in the still air of the cavern. I discovered that even without actually looking like Rosalie, the mist still inspired the same feeling of comfort she always seemed to radiate. On an instinctual level I knew that I was now face to face with the very core of her; Rosalie's soul. I was struck by how incredibly beautiful it was, sparkling faintly and shimmering a deep gold. I was captivated.

The fog seemed to swirl and draw in on itself. As it condensed, it quickly formed into the lines and curves that I recognized. Every particle surged inwards, until Rosalie was sitting next to me again, solid as ever.

"Go on," she said. 'Try."

"I don't know what to do. And didn't you say I needed a transition chamber to recuperate?" This part was creepy. I wasn't looking forward to tearing myself in two.

"Only when traveling through the veil," she said, then looked away quickly. "I have to return to the mortal world to keep up pretenses. If anyone is checking up on me it will be better that I still appear clueless. You understand, don't you?"

I didn't really, but after everything she had done for me – which I was starting to suspect was much more than I might ever be aware – I felt I owed it to her to allow a bit of patience. I certainly wouldn't want to endanger her in any way.

Rosalie hopped on to her feet quickly and stretched her arms over her head. "The practice room is through there," she gestured toward an exit I hadn't noticed before. "When Emmett arrives, he'll expect you properly stretched and ready to begin. I have to be on my way to get back before dawn." Her face looked even wearier with that statement.

"Mike will be with him, so you'll know you've got the right guy. Though, I'm sure he'll leave little doubt. I'll be back by midnight, but in the mean time, try to keep yourself down here. If I lost you now..."

She didn't have to finish her sentence. I understood exactly what she meant. "How did you finally find me, by the way?" I asked.

Rosalie started toward the lit tunnel we'd come through and hesitated just before stepping into it. "I found your grave," she spoke carefully.

She turned, and swept away down the endless tunnel. I watched her progress until she finally disappeared into the shadowy distance. Immediately, I started pacing. It was much less fun to be alone with yourself when you're actually aware what you're thinking. I tried to keep from dwelling on the mysterious subject of my death and subsequent disappearance. Instead, I remembered the soft golden color of Rosalie's spirit. It was the color of toffee, and both dense and thin in its consistency. I wondered what mine looked like.

I wondered how the Guides were chosen, as opposed to how those who were to be reincarnated. It made sense that there was some type of system in place to keep track of the limitless numbers of souls in transit: either coming or going. And it would also stand to show that there would be records of said past lives somewhere. I was completely curious as to who I had been in the past. I couldn't remember anything of significance about actually living, but I could recall an entire slew of pointless and instinctual human thoughts.

Eventually, I heard the laughter wafting from far down the tunnel. I mentally prepared myself, for the inevitable onslaught. Gripping my hands in two tight fists, I faced the men staggering toward me. I swayed a bit with an impending sense of doom, sure I was about to fail miserably.

From the flickering shadows, I could just make out a pair walking steadily down the long corridor. I could tell the shorter, wider shadow was that of Mike, so the other must be Emmett. Even from this distance I could see how incredibly huge he was. At least, he looked like it walking next to the miniature Mike. I watched them come until their feature focused in the dim light of the lanterns.

Mike was dressed in the same robes as before and the other man was in the same style of clothing, but it was a muted silver color. He walked with a controlled assurance. Different than the comfort that Rosalie exuded, he seemed to radiating an intense confidence, and my own body was filling with it. Somehow he made me believe I could do anything, and he hadn't even spoken to me yet.

Their voices had long ago faded, as they reached me in silence. I assumed seeing me standing in anticipation of them was what had quieted their conversations. Mike was scowling and stepped by me and into the chamber. Emmett, on the other hand, had a huge smile plastered on his face.

Reaching forward with a long, thick arm, he introduced himself in a strong voice. "Call me Emmett." It echoed around the cavern though he had spoken softly.

I took hold of his hand, a familiar gesture from my humanity. He was almost deliciously cold. Since arriving, I _sensed_ more than actually experienced the fluctuations of temperature around me. I knew it was cold without actually being cold myself. It was like that when our hands met. When they touched, the frosty shudders ran through my entire body. Far from being uncomfortable, it _warmed_ me and I couldn't help but smiling at him.

With messy dark hair, Emmett towered over me. His shoulders were broad, but even covered beneath the shimmery metallic of his robe I could see how lean he was. The dark eyes were even more captivating than the beautiful face and a slightly darker shade of gray skin then I had yet seen. They scrutinized me intensely. Like, Rosalie, it seemed he was searching past my body to see the truth of me. Unlike her, it was easy to let him stare.

It was a gruff clearing of the throat that broke apart our tenuous grasp.

"Yes, I guess we should get started." Emmett broke his eyes away from mine and looked past me to the chubby annoyance behind us. "Come, Bella, there's much to learn."

As it turned out, the first step was to right where Rosalie had left off, learn to jump out of my body. I was still very nervous about the idea of nothing holding me to the ground. Emmett led us to the center of the cave and asked me to close my eyes and concentrate.

"I'll be honest with you," he said softly. I could hear his soft footfalls as he paced in front of me. "Most Guides train for years to do what I will teach you in a few days. You have to trust me, and Rosalie and Mike with your training. It won't be easy. You'll want to fight it. You'll want to scream at us to stop, but we won't. Understand that now. Your training is the most important thing to us until we can send you back across the Divide.

"We're going to start with the most difficult task first. Most won't even attempt this for at least a decade, but we don't have the luxury of time in your case. Are you still with me?" He wondered, breaking from his tutelage.

I nodded, a lump rising in my throat. He picked up on my over excited breathing and knew what I was thinking. I felt his strong hand on my shoulder. He patted lightly, but the force of it nearly knocked me from my feet.

"Nervous?" he asked with a smile.

I nodded again, feeling my head would probably fall off if I didn't find my voice again. "I don't want to," I whispered, hoping Mike's smug ears were too far to understand what I had said.

Emmett's baritone laughter brought my eyes open immediately. "You just need to find the peace inside." He looked over the stress that was evident on my face, and his grin softened. "I know this is a lot to deal with, but you have to try. Trust me."

I inhaled two deep breaths of air, and squared my shoulders. Slowly, my eyelids fluttered shut. Emmett's deep voice echoed around me once again, but this time I concentrated hard on the low tone, allowing it to lull me into a much more relaxed state. I already trusted Rosalie, with no hesitation. She had revealed little about herself, and even less about her involvement in my life. But I knew she deserved my trust. It was just as easy to place it in Emmett. There was no reason I should do so, but I did just the same. Finding the same kind of certainty in Mike was another story. He left me with a twisting feeling in my stomach.

Shaking the small man out of my mind, I drifted back to my peaceful little bubble. There I had felt completely at peace. It had been so wonderful that I had been irritated with Rosalie when she burst my comatose fantasy. I let myself revel in the nostalgic memories of the darkness, when two things happened.

First, I had the sensation of rising. My entire body was filled with a lighter than air sensation, and I felt like my feet were no longer securely on the ground. In fact, I didn't even feel my feet at all. Then, I was aware of a dull light coming from behind my eyelids. It was different from the flickering of the light of the numerous lanterns in the room. This made my dark happy place flood with a soft bluish glow. I snapped my eyes open to see what was causing it.

The air around my body glowed with a blinding, very deep shade of blue, but changed to an electric orange as soon as I saw it. Then, a light snapping noise flooded my ears, and I felt myself actually disengage from my body. It was almost like ripping a sheet of paper from a book. It was easy and more surprising than painful; but without my body, I felt undone. What's one page to the entire novel?

The odd displacement was made worse as two more lights flashed into existence next to me. The first was almost blinding, though I knew I wasn't actually seeing it. My instincts told me it was Emmett, in all his pure and brilliant glory. He was a fog of blue, a much lighter shade than I had seen glowing beneath my skin. He shimmered just as Rosalie had, with an underlying sparkle that flowed and undulated within his aura.

The other light was a muted version of Emmett's. Mike didn't burn nearly as brightly as either Emmett or Rosalie, and there seemed to be less substance to him. It was much easier to make out the wall of the cave behind him, while much more difficult to discern the bench along the far wall through Emmett. But Mike was a shade of blue that reminded me of a clear summer sky. And Emmett, the same sky approaching twilight. It was an awesome sight indeed.

I looked back at the color shining from within me. Like wisps of smoke, my very essence swirled gently, gracefully. I was lost for a moment, staring at the bright pumpkin color. I wondered if the intensity of our souls were the reason the city of Nex was so drab. Nothing could possibly compare to this.

An answer sounded through me. It wasn't something I heard, as my ears were still securely attached to my body, which had thoroughly disappeared for the moment.

_Yes_.

It was Emmett's voice. But how? I wondered.

_We are no longer bound by the restraints of the flesh._ He told me. Then, in an almost reverent tone, _You were incredible. I've never seen anyone take to it so quickly_.

_I'm as surprised as you are_, spoke a laughing voice. It confused me. It didn't sound anything like the nasally whine Mike's voice had.

_Mike_?

_Yes_?

_I don't understand_, I thought. _Why is Emmett so much the same, but you are...? _ I didn't know exactly how to finish the thought without offending him. I'm sure he could tell what I meant.

_I appear that way for my own safety_, he explained simply. _If any of the others knew where I was, there would be no hope._

_Interesting._ I thought. _What sort of secrets are you hiding from, Mike?_ I was trying my hardest not to appear skeptical, but it was difficult to break through the first impression he had left me with.

It was Emmett who answered me, his aura twinkling as if in delight. _He wishes he could be so important._

_Not important?_ Mike huffed. I noticed a burst of red glimmer through him, but it was quickly gone. _I'll have you know what I do is the most dangerous task of all._

_Right. I'm sure that sitting around taking notes is harmful to your health_. Emmett goaded him.

Addressing me again, Mike evidentially decided to ignore that last remark. _He's just jealous because he isn't able to change his form. He is what he is, if you know what I mean._ His tone was amused. _I, on the other hand, am not bound by such things. Watch this. _

The blue fog began to come together, solidifying as I had seen Rosalie do earlier. Though I knew it was Mike, I was still surprised to see him materialize into an incredibly sexy, long legged woman, with long silver hair that hung past her hips. She was completely naked, and wiggled her hips suggestively toward Emmett's pulsing aura.

"What do you think about that, Emmett?" She called at him. Even her throaty voice oozed with sex. I couldn't believe it. On my right, Emmett burned a deep shade of lusty green for an instant, before he turned red. He began to pull his haze in on itself, slowly blocking out the cave behind him.

"The pleasures of the flesh don't die when the body does. Isn't that right, Emmett?" Mike still teased, even as he watched the huge body reform.

Once again whole, Emmett sprinted toward the naked Mike woman. He was angry, and charged at her ferociously, spitting a string of curses into the air. I had the urge to look away, but it was impossible. Luckily, as Emmett's strong fingers grabbed the woman's this throat, Mike slipped out of the body and back into the air. It was so graceful, my awe only heightened.

_Can you take the shape of anything?_ I wondered.

His thoughts were amused. _Only people I've seen before. At least, that's the easiest. I can't change to animals at all, but I make do with what I have_.

My aura burned blue as I chuckled to myself. I was starting to think I was wrong about Mike.

_Thank you,_ he said.

_I'd say you were probably right the first time,_ Emmett interrupted flowing back into the deep blue aura. _Mike's a snitch._

_Only because I have to be._

_You two are confusing me more than I was before. Why isn't your energy gone? Rosalie told me it was exhausting to separate from your body. _ I wondered.

_Only when you cross the Divide,_ Emmett was serious again. _It's much more difficult. In this realm, you are free to travel with or without a body. It won't affect you._

_I'm curious about something else,_ I admitted. _Wasn't my body buried? I mean, isn't it dead?_

_Yes, and your soul was buried with it._ Mike seemed to hesitate, but Emmett picked up the conversation.

_Didn't Rosalie explain this to you?_

_No_.

_Doesn't surprise me. Naturally she wouldn't want to explain. If you think you're confused now -_

_Come on, Mike. Don't be such a prude_. Emmett taunted, obviously trying to make up for attacking Mike's gorgeous alter ego a minute ago. _She needs to know_.

_You're right_, Mike agreed. His color turned murky, and I could sense he was brooding.

_Before we start, how do I get my body back? _ I was growing more and more uncomfortable by the second.

_Think of it as a breath of air. Inhale and bring all the air around you into your center_. Emmett instructed.

Concentrating with all I had, I tried to imagine I was breathing deeply. I tried to make myself feel as the oxygen permeated my lungs, and transferred to my veins. I felt myself solidifying, but I had to work to gather every speck of mist. It took me much longer to gather myself back together; much longer than the other two. And I was embarrassingly aware of the choppy movements, as I had to pull piece by piece back. They made it seem like one fluid gesture, and I was unable to duplicate the intricacies they so freely used.

But, I _was_ able to regain my shape. I was clothed again in the white robes Rosalie had given me earlier. It seemed natural to be so, but I hadn't expected it. Glad I wouldn't have to repeat the mortifying events of earlier, I sighed in relief as I looked over my gray skin beneath the fabric.

Emmett and Mike had both reformed, into the bodies I was familiar with, and watched me surreptitiously from the side.

"You are a natural," Mike wheezed in his grating voice.

I gave him a sardonic look, but smiled. "Born to die. That's me."

They laughed and I felt good. At least I was doing something right. "So, what about this divide? What is it?" There were so many more questions.

"The Decessus Divide," Emmett said softly, "The veil between life and death."

"Is it metaphorical?" I wondered.

Mike sneered. "You mean did we actually a line drawn in the sand? No."

"But it is real," Emmett interjected. "When a body is buried, the soul tries to cling to its humanity. It often takes several days to let go. But eventually, they all do."

"Without the bonds of the body, a soul is free to transcend past the Divide. It's as simple as letting go. But that's the hardest part."

"It still doesn't make sense," I muttered. "If a soul is suddenly free where does it go? And how does it get to transition?"

The two men shared a sideways glance, before Mike answered me. "A soul is still blinded by its human perceptions immediately after death. Someone has to guide it to the transition."

His voice was forced and I zeroed in, rethinking his words. _Someone has to guide it. _

"But..." But where did that leave me? That was what I wanted to say; it stuck in my throat. Rosalie told me she had been searching for me. I obviously still had the blinders in place, so I knew I didn't make it there on my own. Then, who had put me there?

Sensing my unease, Emmett walked next to me and slipped a strong arm around my waist, securing my body next to his. "It doesn't matter." His tone was low as if to comfort me. "You're where you belong now."

I stepped away from him, eying the beautiful face. The black eyes were confused by my quick movement. "Am I?"

"Of course-" he started, but I cut him off with an impatient wave of dismissal.

"I should practice more," I told them, moving them away from the dangerous subjects. My self-doubt was exploding. I had to work it out of my mind before it took root. Nothing made any rational sense, but maybe that was the point. My earlier opinions flooded back into me. Maybe nothing is as it should be, because I really am in hell. I wished I understood.

The remainder of what I assumed to be the day disappeared swiftly. I had improved so much,] that it barely took any concentration to switch between the corporeal to spectral states. I enjoyed watching my fingers and arms fade away into the air, and watch them bind back together again. After a few short hours, I could easily stop halfway through the division and reverse it. Emmett and Mike watched eagerly, encouraging me when I struggled, and praising me when I succeeded.

When Rosalie finally returned, she watched me perform a few separations. Once I finished, she was grinning as broadly as the other two. "Splendid!" She applauded. "This is going much faster than I hoped. We'll have you back by the end of the week." She turned her focus to Mike. "Were you able to secure her an assignment?"

Mike shrugged his round shoulders. "The best I could do was place her where she came from."

Rosalie and Emmett groaned together. "You didn't tell me that," he accused.

"No one will expect her there of all places. It was the best option without exposing her to the Trinity."

My mouth fell open. Had he just said what I thought he had? "Like God and Jesus?"

Mike actually laughed aloud. "It never loses its humor," he chuckled. "No matter how many times I hear it."

"What?" I asked the others, who simply shared the same bemused expression.

"Only mortals associate God as some infinite being. It's nothing more than a title, Bella, like president or king. The same is true for the Christ and the Holy Spirit." Rosalie's tone took on a patient tone, as if she were addressing a toddler.

"And they are elected," Emmett added. "There is an election at the beginning of every century."

"So," I said slowly, "this isn't hell?"

All three erupted into loud gales of laughter, each distinct voice bouncing off the acoustic walls of the cave. Mike was the first to settle his hysterics. "There is no hell. There is no heaven. We exist in the same place humans do. We share this world. There's nothing else out there. Well, perhaps life on other planets, but, honestly, I've never seen anything to make me believe in that. UFOs are more likely a human mind's way of comprehending _us_.

"Hell? You've got to be joking! After all the time you spent in transition, you're still blind?"

"Hush, Mike," hissed Rosalie. She stepped in front of the men, blocking them from view and fixed her steely gaze on mine. "There is no supreme being, Bella. What we do have is the never ending tides of good and evil. Some centuries are worse – much worse – than others. Ultimately, it's the Trinity which decides the undercurrent for each new century."

"Look," Mike interjected. "They are the ones who decide what is right and what is wrong. In the last 40 years, the rules have been changing, and with the Trinity reelected for a second term, things are only going to get worse."

I had to look at Emmett when he spoke. His gentle voice was thick with desperation, and when I saw him, grief was evident on his face. I had the urge to comfort him, but still felt completely in the dark. "Entire belief systems are created by the Trinity's ideals. They use the Guides to transfer their laws; it spirals outward from there."

"You're talking about the creation of religion," I whispered, completely intrigued.

He nodded, but Mike elaborated. "Exactly. The Guides plant the belief, whatever it may be - and it's not always intended to do wrong. Humans spread it like a disease. Every single religion, even the pagan ones, when it was more of a panel than a trio, have developed from the influences of a few."

"Hinduism. Buddhism. Judaism. Christianity." Emmett listed quickly.

"Atheism. Gnosticism. Voodoo." Rosalie continued, attempting to prove the point at how deep it went.

I shook my head. "I'm not really familiar. I didn't believe."

"Good girl," cheered Mike, but Rosalie silenced him with a look I couldn't see.

"That's what makes you special," she said as her dark eyes turned on me again. "Even mortal, you doubted the system. You could not be swayed. You were a stubborn thing from the beginning. It was your greatest attribute."

Her voice had taken on a maternal tone, despite what felt like a jab and her eyes suddenly became intense. The dark irises flashed. "That is exactly what they need."

Silence fell, leaving my breath hitched in my throat. All they had done was dredge up more questions without really revealing anything, but this, this was crucial. The nervous looks on each face reinforced that idea.

"Tell me," I finally croaked in a somewhat strangled whisper.

Without a word, Rosalie led me back to the bench, and pulled me down after she gracefully slipped on to it. Emmett and Mike hung back, watching us carefully. Their faces were calm, but I felt ill at ease. It was now obvious what I was: a target.

Rosalie studied my expression closely as she went on. "Your overbearing stubbornness is a spiritual trait. One you carry always. Other traits are fleeting, developed by the experiences of mortality. Some can follow a soul into death, but will be forgotten at their rebirth. But the things that _make__you who you are_ transcend all aspects of eternity. You will spend the rest of your existence ignoring all attempts to sway your instincts.

"We're not entirely sure what they're doing, but we know the Trinity is herding souls. So many have disappeared in the last few months alone," she sighed sadly. "Now, the guides are disappearing from Nex... It is not a safe time for any of us."

"You don't know why they are collecting souls?" I asked her. Rosalie responded by shaking her long mane of golden hair. "We have to find out."

Three sets of eyes looked at me with the same exasperation evident on each face. Emmett started chuckling again. "And feisty to boot! I like this one, Rosalie. She shows promise!"

"Are there others then?" I wondered. "Others who are hiding?"

"We wouldn't know. If there were, the Guides are trying very hard to remain inconspicuous. The risk of pulling off a coup of any degree would be spectral suicide. The Trinity has ways of finding out the information they desire. That's why I led you through the Morti. No one monitors that entrance into the city. I couldn't risk being spotted with a newly deceased. As soon as Emmett and Mike agree you're ready to go, I'll be sending you back."

"For how long? And how will we communicate?" Panic started to set in again.

"Don't worry," Emmett cooed in a soft voice. "We're going to help you get through this, and the work will be simple. You won't have any problems. The subject is an adult. You'll just have to sit back and watch."

"That makes it easy?" It sounded boring.

Emmett let out a hoot, obviously delighted with my sentiment.

"You can always try to influence his decisions," shrugged Mike, ignoring the outburst.

"And you'd be insane to think I wouldn't be there," Rosalie chastised.

I sighed defeated. I'd have to trust they'd take care of me, and when they couldn't that I had enough sense to take care of myself.

"You need to rest now. It's been a long couple of days," Rosalie interrupted my thought. Her tone was hushed.

I mulled that over. "I'm not tired."

She smiled softly at me. "You won't sleep, but you need to rest your mind. I need you at the top of your game. Tomorrow, you're getting the quick version of morals, so we can get you out as soon as possible."

I nodded in agreement, and realized that I was a bit groggy. It wouldn't hurt to just slow it down for awhile. Rosalie stood from the bench and I immediately brought my feet up to take her place, leaning my head against a smooth groove in the cool stone. Deliberately, I slowed my breathing, and used everything I was to concentrate on one thing. It was a passing thought, when Rosalie mentioned it, but the more I thought about it, the easier it was to see.

_My muscles almost shivered as they flexed. I brought my arms around in a lazy swing. Someone laughed behind me, and I turned to see my father standing there. _

"_Hey, Bells." The nickname fell from his lips in the same amused tone it had since I could remember. "Watch it with that thing," he laughed._

_I smiled with him, but it was only with my mouth. His age showed in the deep creases of his laugh lines, and the dark hair that was grayer than it was last week. I sighed, then turned my expression into a smirk. "You have no idea what you've gotten yourself into, old man."_

_He laughed again. It erupted effortlessly all day, as we strolled through the amazingly green course, set into the hills outside of town. I supposed that was the only draw I felt to the game; aside that he enjoyed it so much. The beauty of a golf course was inspiring in itself._

_Of course the old man I had goaded was probably twenty strokes under me, but I didn't care. We didn't even take score anymore. It was refreshing to just bond with my father. Too many years of living had gotten between us. Though I wore my brown hair tied in two braids at the side of my head, I was much older than I looked. Old enough to realize that I didn't have infinite days with the man like I believed as a child. Time was growing short; I could see it slipping away day after day. _

_Despite brooding about the undeniable future, we had fun just the two of us. We didn't notice the sky growing grayer as the rain clouds built ominously on the western horizon. It was typical in the rainy Northwest._

_I was aligning my shot. It would be a nice and easy chip shot onto the green. Not a lot of force. Half swing back. The mantra rolled through my mind, and my feet dug into the soft green grass of the fairway. Slowly, I brought the club back in the proper arc thinking I was glad it hadn't started raining yet._

_The burning ripped through me again, and I screamed at the pain of it._

The sound echoed back to me and I sat up straight, my eyes wide. Rosalie was at my side in an instant, a look of incredulity on her face.

"You told me I wouldn't sleep," I accused with a harsh voice.

"You weren't sleeping." Her voice was awed, earnest; I couldn't help but believe her. "You were..._remembering_."

**A/N: So let me have it...**


	5. Chapter 4

**SMeyer owns all recognizable characters. I totally own this plot.**

**My apologies for the delay. Between suffering through the swine flu and getting a major case of plot block, I finally made it through this chapter. Its all transitional, which made it all the more difficult to get out. Yeah, that's right. I just admitted nothing happens in this chapter. But you'll read it anyway, because you love me...or at least that's what I keep telling myself. (It helps me work.)  
**

**Chapter 4**

**Night Terrors**

_Bella did kick Jake in the balls that first day she was in Forks. It was almost funny to think about now, but at the time, I had truly feared for her safety. Girl or not, Jake couldn't take something like that lying down. The moment he was back on his feet, my prepubescent friend was leaning into Bella with a threatening stance thirteen year old Jake had yet to hone to perfection. _

_In her defense, the thin little girl didn't back down. Instead, she made the single most intimidating threat a girl could manage._

"_You move one more inch and I'll scream," she said, brown eyes locked on his black ones._

_Jake had time to wind a sneer into his round cheeks, before Bella inhaled sharply and let out a bloodcurdling shriek. It echoed over the rooftops of our rural little town. I was still sure that everyone within a three mile radius had dropped everything to look up for the source of the noise._

_Jake's reaction was as instantaneous as mine. I was moving forward between them, hands raised as if I was going to put up invisible walls between them, but it was too late, and I stopped halfway there. Jake and I went slack in the face and our mouths dropped open. Bella finished screaming and looked at us with a small smile playing on her lips. She begged us to do something else, but that was enough._

_I caught Jake's shocked stare, and the same second, we turned heel and ran across the playground and into the trees on the eastern edge. It finally connected who that brown haired little vixen was when we had almost made it back to Jake's house. We were stupid not to realize right away, but the girl looked nothing like her father who'd been talking about her impending arrival for weeks. No, she looked nothing like Chief Swan. Except that glare. That was all his._

_Expecting the chief of police to appear at any moment, Jake turned toward his home on the edge of the rez as I sullenly walked the steps into mine. I knew technically I hadn't done anything to the girl, but Jake had crossed that invisible line that said you can't treat a girl like that, and if he was punished, it affected me, too. Jake and I did everything together._

_It was surprising when he came back after dinner. At the time, I thought his quiet and reserved manner was because the trouble with the new girl. Mom made him a bed without even telling me he was sleeping over. She'd never let him stay on a school night before. _

_I didn't know that when I heard the sniffling from the floor as after lights out that he was crying. I wish I had, but I'd never seen him cry, so the thought never crossed my mind. I remembered thinking I hope he wasn't going to get me sick. _

_Those selfish thoughts haunted me for years. The next morning, the phone rang, waking me an hour before I needed to be up. I could hear Mom's hushed voice from the kitchen. I slipped from my bed and cracked the door. Her voice wasn't as muffled, but the conversation was finishing._

"_Thank you, Charlie," she said, and laid the phone back on its cradle. So it was the chief. I dreaded seeing the disappointment on Mom's face when she confronted me. Deciding it was better to put it off, it was inevitable anyway, and I shut my door again and crawled back into my bed._

_Not long after, I heard Mom moving about the house. I thought sleep was retaking me, but was she sniffling, too? Was everyone I know sick?_

_Before the bus came, Sue Clearwater arrived in front of our two-story home and Jake left with her. I watched him hop into Harry's old truck. It wasn't until it disappeared into the overgrown drive that I even noticed my mother was standing behind me. She laid a gentle hand on my shoulder. The gesture was heavy and it was that moment I knew something much more serious than a brunette tattletale was going on. _

_I didn't turn around when she told me. The emotion in her voice after her first words was enough to tell me I didn't want to. I couldn't stop from hearing it._

_Yesterday afternoon as Jake eyed little Bella Swan, his parents were fighting for life. A motorcyclist had slid out of control on one of the area's many sharp curves along the coast. Billy swerved to avoid hitting the downed cyclist, but lost control of his truck. He collided into the guardrail which stopped them falling to their deaths. Instead, one of the posts was snapped on impact. While the railing stayed intact and cradled the truck, it flew back at them. _

_Sarah Black was killed instantly. Billy was still in surgery. He was alive, but the damage done to his body was still unclear at that point. _

_Mom didn't give me the details, but it was impossible not to be swarmed with them. Forks is a small town. Not much of interest happens in places like this, so when it does, everyone feeds on the aftermath._

_But Jake, my friend since childhood, stayed strong. I only saw him cry once during Sarah's funeral. _

_He was strong in a thousand ways I could never be, but that's was why we were friends. I cried __**for**__ him because he couldn't do it himself. It didn't matter, because I could and I did._

_I bawled like a baby as we sat through Jake's mother's funeral until I noticed the drape of flowers over the coffin. _

_They were all wrong. Bella wouldn't have liked the stupid roses. I made to stand and realized the church at the top of the hill was empty. Gone was young, broken Jake. Gone were all Sarah's grieving friends and family, my mother, our neighbors, the priest. The light of day was gone and shadows moved restlessly in the dim corners. I was alone with the casket so perfectly made to see Bella to her final resting place._

_The tears came again, dampening my cheeks. The air cooled them to my heated skin. My breath came out in rapid puffs. I began to move forward, closer to rip the damned roses from her coffin. The pews had disappeared and fog rolled across the empty church floor. The flowers were starting to brown on the edges and each step closer seemed to accelerate their death. _

_I reached an arm out desperate to touch the last bit of her before it truly was goodbye. The coffin jerked away. Withdrawing my hand quickly, my heart started pounding and I blinked quickly. I must have been dreaming. _

_But, it did it again. _

_And again. _

_It started shaking. The whole thing quivered with the sharp thumping. It took me two seconds before I realized the sounds were coming from inside. _

_Bella was inside! She was alive!_

_I reached out and touched the smooth lid, brushing the rotting flowers away. I was shouting her name over and over, trying to pry my fingers under the lid. My eyes were blurred by the force of my tears, but I could see the huge, rusty nails hammered into the edges. I'd never get it open with my hands._

_I spun my head around, looking for anything that I might be able to use to get her out. Panic was building in my chest. There wasn't anything! I was running out of time!_

_It was then I saw something glint in a corner. Somehow I knew it was exactly what I needed. I screamed at Bella that I'd be back, and spun to the glint. My motions were too slow, like moving through jelly. Each step was awkward and deliberate, but finally I clutched my fingers on the prize._

_I turned around frantic to get Bella out of the coffin. I couldn't let her be buried alive. But instead of her polished casket there was a shadow of darkness. I could still hear her struggling inside. Her pounding was getting louder, but I couldn't see her anywhere._

_I screamed for her, and the black cloud began rolling. It became a silent tornado. The blackness whipped around, and from the middle, the black skull flew toward me. Bella desperately sought to free herself from somewhere in the darkness. But her struggling was getting fainter. She was giving in._

_This happened almost too quickly for me to register. My reflexes were dull and it was inches from my face before I even had a chance to flinch. The sound of Bella's struggles were drowned out when it smiled and screamed. _

_**Mine!**_

My eyes snapped open. The sweat dripped into them. It stung but I wasn't about to close them again. Then, the sound of pounding echoed from beyond the stifling heat of my afghan. Every muscle in my body ached and resisted, but I sighed. At least it was a dream. This time.

I tried not to think about what it had been the first time.

It had been a horrible week and a half. I hadn't shaved, barely eaten. Shit, I couldn't even get properly fucked up and blame all this tension on the drugs. I couldn't even drink a beer without puking all over myself.

I was a fucking mess and after ten days of hiding inside my dingy and dark apartment, I finally pulled myself off the couch.

Despite the lack of actually putting food in my mouth and eating, it looked like I'd made an honest attempt. Burrito wrappers and empty chip bags littered every available surface. There were half empty cups and beer bottles scattered across the floor, and even a few pans from whatever stovetop delight I had managed to wrangle for dinner. My usually tidy domicile was littered with the week's slothful indulgence, looking like a sty rather than any place someone would want to call home.

I just couldn't get that skull out of my mind. The way the fog condensed into the gothic features was gruesome and embedded into the back of my eyelids. That alone was enough to cause a never ending shiver to settle in the base of my spine, and rather than dissipate, the fear took root. Like a living entity, it latched onto the back of my mind, and it clutched at me, making me dwell on that horrific face over and over.

I caught my reflection in the hallway mirror and nearly gagged. I looked horrible. My cheeks were sallow and drawn, bones angled prominently beneath the pale flesh. Deep purple bruises ringed my eyes, making the sunken and bleary whites look nonexistent and those were in addition to the still noticeable welt above my right eye. The mark Jake had given was still prominent.

My hair was standing on end, with the back pressed flat from sleep. I couldn't remember the last time I showered. Probably the day of the funeral.

As I flung open my front door, I thought about what a fucking mess I'd become, but it was quickly wiped away when I saw my visitor casually standing in the hall. The look on his face seemed to be wondering the same thing as I was.

Jasper had this thing. He could already tell that something was completely fucked up with me before I've even opened my mouth. Maybe he'd call the white suits before anyone else had the chance…

Never what one would call verbose, he didn't say anything. He was waiting for me to crack. Like I said, he has this thing. He knew it was coming the moment I opened the door. I managed to move aside and he sauntered warily into my home. I watched the back of his hair take in the state of things. If he thought I looked a mess…

He gingerly stepped through the wreckage and pushed the trash off my recliner. The chair groaned when he slipped down. I resumed my place on the sofa, but left the blankets beneath me instead of dragging them back over my head as I would have liked. He still said nothing.

Finally, the silence dragged on long enough that I ran out of interesting things on the coffee table to stare dumbly at. My eyes fell to his. I nearly flinched at the way he was staring at me.

"You look like shit," he said. It wasn't an insult, just an observation.

His blue eyes took in the deep shadows around my eye, and probably noticed the yellowish brown of my encounter at the funeral that still tinged my brow. But he really took a good look at my face. I'd never let the beard grow in like this.

My fingers ran through my hair, tugging from the roots. I dropped my eyes again.

"Dude," he said, clothes rustling as he stood. "This is disgusting. Take a shower and let's get the fuck out of here."

**

We ended up in one of the dingy little bars along the desolate highway. It was a lonely place for haggard souls. The dim lighting and musty smell welcomed me when I slid into the seat next across from Jasper. He'd remained nearly as silent as I was, only making idle chat as we drove. Now, he eyed me patiently.

Ignoring his piercing glare, I focused on draining the bottle in front of me. But it was hard to do. My hand clutched at the sweating beer, warming it to an unpleasant temperature. I choked down the last glug and knew I'd never be able to force another one down. Already, I felt the foam building in my stomach. It wouldn't take long to rush back out the way it went in.

I shifted uncomfortably. The vinyl creaked and I accidently looked up. Jasper's blue eyes were studying my every move. His stupid eyebrow was arched above one eye. He wanted to know what was going on with me.

_Oh, I just met the demon that haunts Bella's grave. Now it's haunting me. No biggie._

Yeah, it sounded like lunacy to my own mind.

But, I couldn't just sit there and say nothing. Not with him staring at me like that. It was making me too uncomfortable. And he knew it, judging from the little smirk on his face.

My hands ran through my hair again and I tugged it from my scalp. The smell of my shampoo swirled over me, but it was dulled by the smoky bar. "I'm losing it." There, it was said.

I actually felt a little better at the admittance. I looked back into Jasper's face.

"It's okay to be sad," he said not bothering to hide the pity in his eyes.

Irritation bubbled. "I'm not sad. I'm fucking crazy!"

I could see him about to give me some psycho babble bullshit, so I caught the waitress and motioned for another beer. I didn't want it, probably couldn't keep it down, but I ordered it anywhere as long as it got me through this night.

He was quiet. Still studying me, I suppose. I suddenly wished I hadn't said anything to him. I should have kept my mouth shut.

"Look," he finally sighed. "I just wanted to know if you were still interested in the job. I've really got to get an extra set of hands out there. I offered it to you, but I understand…given the circumstances..."

It was almost worth it to hear Jasper so uncomfortable. He had always been at ease in every situation. But what made him uncomfortable was nothing to laugh over, and I wasn't sure what to say. Did I need the job? Desperately. But did I want _this _job?

"Everything has changed," I half strangled, half whispered.

He was quiet for a moment before saying, "I know this is hard for you, but do you think she'd want you to give up on everything because of this? Life goes on."

Yes, life did go on. There were billions of people in this world that continued their menial lives, even without Bella in the world. But, those billions could attest to that, because from my point of view, life had stopped. I had stopped _being _the moment she did. Even if it wasn't my place to do so, I still felt every bit as dead as Bella was.

Jasper was right about one thing as loathe I was to admit. Bella wouldn't want me to collapse. She would want me to be happy. Easier said than done when the only person I've survived for was gone.

"No," I eventually choked out.

Jasper sighed loudly. The sound of his exasperation was heavy.

"Edward, listen. You can't sit in your apartment every single day. You need to work and you know you can't find anything that'll pay better than I can."

"I know, but how can I work there every day? How can _that _be good for me?"

"Doing anything other than what you're doing will be good for you. I won't take no for an answer. In fact, I expect to see you tomorrow morning, eight a.m., ready to go."

Through my misery, I saw Jasper's smile spread across his face. He wasn't going to take no for an answer. I sighed, a heavy miserable sound, made worse by the evident acquiesce of it. He immediately perked up and downed the rest of his beer. For him, the topic was officially forgotten. For me, I had just begun to mull over the implications of taking the job.

I had done a lot of things in my life: flipping burgers, cleaning motel rooms, even laying pipe. Landscaping would actually be a step above anything I'd done recently.

The problem wasn't the work. The problem was location.

By the time Jasper dropped me back at my building a couple hours later, I was pretty close to turning into a whiny little girl and beg him not to make me go. I didn't even bother asking him to drop me off at the Volvo, because even if I was acting like a pussy, I'd still be driving it home after work tomorrow. No sense in wasting the gas. Think green and all that.

I made the effort to set the alarm for quarter past seven before burying myself back inside the den of blankets on my couch. Sleep came too easily in spite my frantic mind.

It would not be the first night I'd dream of Bella Swan and the menacing presence that haunted her death. It would, however, be the first time the dream would take place at her grave.

But nowhere near the last.

**A/N: So, I'm taking part in NaNo this month, but I plan to work on In the Shadows, too. I have the next chapter mapped out, so hopefully the next update will be posted faster.** ** In the meanwhile, leave me a review and say hey!**


	6. Chapter 5

**The recognized characters of Twilight are not mine. The story is.**

**Yay for another update!!  
**

**Chapter 5**

**Crossing Lines**

Both Mike and Rosalie were unsettled by my memory. It was common for souls to pass through the divide with some menial memories intact, but it was unheard of to remember death. Mike had explained that a guide might pull the soul before the death hit to protect it from becoming an Animus Mortuus but he'd never heard of a soul splitting from the body on its own before it happened.

Then, we had to factor in the extra time I spent in transition. That alone should have wiped my mind clear of everything from that life. However, the two weeks had done nothing against this recollection. The more I mulled it over, the more I took apart each aspect of the dream and separated myself from the colors and sounds and smells, it all became clear to my unveiled senses. In the end, I was able to confidently discern the scene, watching from outside my human body without its limited perceptions.

The electricity gathered beneath the bottom of my other self's metal spiked shoes. I could see every swirl and zag the small energy made as it wound its way to the heavens to connect with its counterpart high in the sky above me.

A thunderous crash exploded in the air and my body was flying backward. There wasn't time to scream as the nauseating sizzling noise burned into the dark skies. My death had been instantaneous and there's something to be said for small miracles. I could taste the foul scent of cooked flesh and see the smoke rising from the smoldering form.

My father was on top of me in an instant, laying his chest across mine, trying to hear the beating that had forever been seared away. Tears rolled down his cheeks as the sky flashed menacingly. Carefully cradling my body to his, he lifted me from the ground. It was hard to watch. Not the disfigured body, but my dad's struggle to carry it as it stank and smoked. His damp eyes crinkled at the edges, lining sad creases into his graying hair. He was so old. I realized how unfair for a parent to lose their child.

To the left, a dark cloud was gathering along the edge of a small hill beyond the green. At first, it looked like any ordinary low rolling fog, but it was growing denser, solidifying into something with mass. It didn't form enough to give the impression of anything human. It was a hunched, gnarled monstrosity with no defined features, but I imagined if it wanted to expose itself, the results would be worse than bestial, much worse.

Like a plume of black smoke, it floated toward my lifeless body. Wisps of darkness trailed behind it like comet tails. Closer and closer it stalked, even as my father lifted me securely in his arms and began staggering toward help that was already too late.

_That's the part I don't understand, _Mike admitted as the memory played out again.

_I think it gives us better understanding, _Rosalie thought. _Whoever that was is the key to all this._

_But how are we supposed to figure that out? _I wondered. _ It looked like a demon. _

The three of us had spent another afternoon trying to analyze the vision. At least, I assumed it was a new day. Time had no meaning here, deep under the city of Nex. It was always lit by the dim lantern light, and I hadn't been privy to stroll on the surface since the first day.

Understanding the unfortunate necessity of keeping me hidden, I bid my time entertaining Mike and Rosalie by replaying the memory. I was itching for a change in scenery, but I knew that things were moving as quickly as possible. It was just a matter of time until Emmett reappeared and told me things were ready. In the meantime, I had to endure the endless scrutiny of Rosalie and Mike's probing auras. They were ready to pick apart every detail until they spied some answer that was obviously not there.

_Demons don't exist, _Mike reminded me.

_No, but evil does. _Rosalie's tone was hard. She was constantly reminding us of the gravity of the situation. I wondered if she was ever optimistic.

Suddenly, we heard a commotion from far up the tunnel. Quickly, the hard noises solidified into the distinct sounds of footsteps hurrying toward us. Mike and Rosalie formed instantaneously and turned toward the tunnel. It took me only a second longer to pull the mists of my astral self together. We waited as the footsteps came closer.

The door on the opposite side of the room flew open revealing Emmett, bracing himself on the door jam and breathing heavily from his run.

"They're coming," he panted, but his frantic tone was not missed.

I shot a look over at Rose. Her eyes widened in blatant surprise and Mike's own look mirrored hers on the other side.

"Who?" I managed to whisper through the choking tension.

But the others were scrambling and paid no attention. Emmett swept past me into the center of the cavern. Mike ran to the bookshelf on one of the walls and grabbed the single leather and gold bound book from it. He was rushing back when I felt Rosalie tugging at the hem of my clothing. Before I could ask her what was happening, she had lifted the garments from my body. Immediately, she was throwing a new gleaming white robe over my head. No sooner were they in place over me, before Rosalie had her hands against the small of my back, pushing me toward the men who watched our progress with an evident air of impatience.

"Hurry, Rose," he urged.

"What's going on?" I asked, letting the panic flow a bit.

No one answered. Mike flipped through the stale pages of the book and began reading when he found the right page. I couldn't understand the language. It was familiar, but nothing more than grunts and vowels. I couldn't make sense of it.

From nowhere, I felt Emmett's hand wrap around mine.

"This will tickle," he said, stepping even closer. I could feel his body brush against the long flowing skirt of my robe. "Let it pull you."

Starting in the pit of my stomach, an uneasy fluttered from deep within. Like wildfire, it ignited and spread throughout my entire body. It became anything but uncomfortable as the feeling exploded. I felt euphoric, happy. I think a small smile even slid across my lips.

The feeling consumed me in complacency; the cavern before me began to grow hazy. I could see Mike and Rosalie. She was lighting a dull blue fire to what appeared to be my used robes. They were no longer looking in our direction, but busily grabbing the evidence of my temporary home. Both the familiar faces were drawn with worry, but there was hardly time for sympathy. My vision was subtly warping.

That's when I felt the pull. Each little tickle, each flame of the peaceful contentment shivered through me and began reaching. White mists swirled from my body like thin tendrils of smoke. Even as the cavern faded from view, they reached, dancing outward, drawing me where I needed to be.

I was still very aware Emmett's hand encasing mine. The heavy grip gave me something to focus on. Once I could see the large gray hand at the end of my arm, I followed the strong lines to his face. It was only a little surprising to see him smiling. The look was almost a permanent fixture on his ashen features.

A wall came into focus behind Emmett's head. The color of soft blue at midnight, the stark stone of the cavern disappeared completely. I was shocked as the most amazing colors began to saturate my dulled lenses. I wanted to soak it in, even in the diluted night-time shades. It was so beautiful. I had missed red and blue and green and yellow in the way they were meant to be appreciated, not as the glimmer of emotions.

I found myself standing in an untidy room that smelled of deodorant and dirty socks. I actually tried to hold my breath before remembering I couldn't really smell at all. Taking a step away from Emmett without releasing my hold on his hand, I looked at the piles of dirty clothes and underwear littered across faded brown carpet, and groaned internally. This place was a dump.

The dresser drawers hung open with more bright material springing from them. There were clothes heaped beneath that. Against the door was a mirror and I could see a fuzzy white mist. I was barely perceptible in the reflection. To the left was a cluttered bookshelf. The amount of books was greatly outweighed by trophies, pennants and baseballs haphazardly strewn on the shelves.

A small bathroom was further to the left, but I couldn't bring myself to explore there. The mess out here was enough to tell me this was the safer location.

Instead, I turned to the bed, and for the first time I saw it had an occupant. Bare feet were angled off the side, slightly spread apart with toes pointed toward the floor. A soft snore escaped the sleeping figure and I watched him shift restlessly.

His dark hair was tousled, sticking out in a hundred directions. An angular chin was covered with a dark shadow of stubble. He winced in his sleep and turned his head.

"Who is he?" I asked Emmett continue to rake my eyes over the sleeping man.

When he didn't answer right away, I glanced over my shoulder. He dropped my hand and my gaze at the same instant. The confident man I had gotten to know shrank back.

"Who is he, Emmett?" This time I turned around to face him. Small angry wisps of energy shot out toward him like flames. What was he trying to hide?

"What was happening in Nex?" I demanded. "And why are you willing to use me and not tell me anything?"

I was angry. The swirling red hues grew larger and lashed further.

"I can't tell you anything yet, Bella." His tone was pleading and guilty in the same breath. "But I promise I will."

He began fading away before he finished speaking. I tried to yell for him to stop, furious he still hadn't said anything. But he was gone. Accepting the lonely feeling that swept away all my anger, I turned around, back to the sleeping man who'd been deserted by his previous guide, then given me in a twisted sort of subsidy.

The thought made me chuckle. The man's eyes snapped open more alert than the puffy sleepiness that ringed them appeared. They were a blazing green, a deeper shade than I had ever seen. His pupils were dilated to the size of dimes, only showing a thin sliver of the incredible vibrancy behind them. My breath caught in my throat.

He was gorgeous, much more beautiful than any human had the right to be. A flood of emotions drenched me, turning my aura into a muddled rainbow of emotion. He stared hard in my direction, as if he could sense my presence. Panic flickered through me, but I didn't know why. I felt like I shouldn't be here. I certainly shouldn't be in his bedroom.

The man's breathing was quick as he sat up and looked around the room. I had the urge to move closer. Already deeply intrigued by the green eyed man, I let my body lean forward slightly.

His eyes whipped around wildly. "Who's there?" he asked the dark room.

His voice was deep and throaty, doing little to hide his growing agitation. Puffs of white condensation left his lips with each haggard breath. Goosebumps rose over his pale skin and he shivered as if cold and glanced everywhere, refusing to settle his eyes.

No one had warned me about the effects of my presence. The man was shivering so I moved to the corner and as far away from him as possible with a single motion. His eyes scanned the darkness.

Gradually, he began to relax and fell back into a light doze. He tossed and turned restlessly and I watched him from the corner. The sun rose slowly, beginning its trek across the sky. The warmth of the golden rays was invigorating. I casually made my way to the window. Outside there were a few small trees leaves green and thriving. I spied sidewalks and cars, all swirls and lines of color. I let myself be swallowed in the vibrant day beginning to thrum alive beneath me.

At seven thirty, the alarm sounded. The buzz was excruciatingly high pitched, but the man slept through it for eight full minutes before he moaned deeply and turned over. He draped a long arm across his still closed eyes. For a few moments, he breathed deeply, forcing himself awake.

At seven forty, he finally smacked the alarm and rolled out of bed. He took a long moment hanging his head in his hands and staring at the floor before he heaved himself up. I heard the distinct pop of an achy joint, but the man was already passing me. He shut the door to the bathroom behind him.

In less than five minutes, he reemerged, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, hair dripping slightly from his shower and thankfully smelling more like soap than whatever foul odor sleep had given him. I kept my distance and watched him shuffle through the apartment, nudging at piles of clothes with his socked toe. The more he moved, the more obvious it became how truly gorgeous he was.

Each time he bent down, his shirt slipped up to reveal a hint of the trim stomach. I was engrossed watching the muscles in his arms flex in tandem with those beneath that faded gray shirt. I watched as his hair constantly fell into his eyes. In the daylight, which barely penetrated the thick drawn curtains, I saw that it wasn't dark as I had thought last night. It seemed to blaze with an inner fire, giving him a bronze halo that undoubtedly glowed in the sun. The more I watched, the more enraptured I became. He was truly a stunning man.

Eventually pulling a black hooded sweatshirt from beneath one of the piles in the kitchen, the man threw it over his head, mumbling something as disappeared out of the front door. I hung back, unsure if I was able to follow, or if I even wanted to.

The gravity of my situation hit me with the strength of a nuclear detonation. I was stuck here until that man either died or Rosalie and the others figured out what was happening in Nex. Neither outcome was very encouraging. The man was completely gorgeous, but he was a mess. One look around his dump he called home was enough to tell me that. I didn't hold much hope that I'd be able to influence him in any way. I didn't even know how to begin to try.

I realized it would get me nowhere if I let him walk off without me. My hand slid through the doorknob on the first several attempts to open it before I finally gave in and took a step. It was like blinking my eyes and I was through, completely unaffected. Hurrying to catch up to the man as he walked down the brightly lit sidewalk, I enjoyed the feel of the sun on my face, the breeze through my body, and the sounds of life sparking around me.

It was a beautiful day.

**A/N: Yes, that is Edward. And no, Bella doesn't recognize him at all. Her only memory from her life is her death...if that makes any sense. **

**Anywho, leave a review and there'll be s****urprises in the next chapter for you.** ** (Sorry. Went all Dr. Suess for a minute there.) **


	7. Chapter 6

**The characters of Twilight belong to Stephenie. The story belongs to me.**

**When I started plotting this story a year ago I had four scenes that I really wanted to write (and have written and rewritten countless times over the passing months.) I've seen the following so perfectly in my mind that it's like a movie now. It comes out the same every time. **

**It's short and sweet, but a pivotal moment in the story. I hope you like it!**

**Chapter 6**

**Phantasm**

Forks Cemetery was the creepiest place I had ever been, even before the little "episode" a couple weeks ago.

Now, it took on a whole new level of scary.

Now, I knew that things really did go bump in the night.

Last night had created another nighttime terror and I spent most of it tossing and turning, trying to free Bella from demon mist's clutches. But something changed. When the dark figure made to laugh at me, it was her voice I heard instead. The familiar lilting of soft amusement hit me like a brick, even in my sleep. I thought the sound had been lost to the dredges of my memory. Hearing it again, from the mouth of a demon, no less, caused me to startle awake. And for a moment, an instant of heavy breathing and thundering heartbeats, I thought she was there, in my room. With _me_.

About the time the daze of sleep wore off, I realized I was freezing and reality set back in. Bella was gone. She was not standing in my bedroom, laughing like there were no worries in the world. She'd never even been in this apartment. It was just impossible.

I shook the flimsy thoughts from my mind and drifted back into quiet sleep. I hadn't even thought about the dream this morning while I stumbled around trying to get out of the apartment. Dwelling in my dreams wouldn't do me any good. Recalling the sound of Bella's laughter while awake and alert would probably be the final nail in _my_ coffin.

Jasper stood beside a huge double garage checking his watch. I had walked around the entire cemetery to enter from the front and avoid the eerie trip through the headstones thereby arriving a ghastly thirty seconds late. He had no faith in me.

"You told me I'd be here," I called out reminding him of his parting words last night.

Jasper looked up and smiled. It was the same calm, carefree smile of our youth. Contagious, as ever. A smile formed on my own lips in reaction. It felt like so long since I'd even tried to convince my face it still could turn upward.

"And I knew you would be," he shot back.

The morning passed by with playful jokes as Jasper introduced me to the shed and its many wonders within. Basically, it was a junk drawer for the Parks and Rec Department of Forks. There was the usual gardening equipment, the stuff I'd need to do my job here: mowers, shears, weedeaters, leaf blowers, gloves, rakes, fertilizer, trash bags.

There was also a mess of other, much less understandable items that had nothing to do with the caretaking of Forks Cemetery: yield signs, barrels of white and yellow paint for drawing the lines on the roads, endless shelves of machinery parts, and what I was convinced was some kind of remote detonator. The shed housed the town's Christmas nativity set and hundreds of strings of twinkle lights, as well as the menorah my mother had petitioned for years back. We weren't even Jewish, but that's my mother in a nutshell.

My mind stayed occupied the rest of the morning, but Jasper didn't need to go into basics on how to mow the lawn. Aside from giving me a general direction to go, there wasn't much more to do but actually get to work. With a smile and a wave, he sent me off to the far side of the cemetery to the older, more dilapidated section furthest away from the parts I was trying to avoid. It had been so easy not to think about what I was doing here, but as soon as I was away from Jasper's easy demeanor, the nervous energy eating me alive for the past two weeks reared its ugly head again.

I tried to convince myself I was doing the right thing by taking this job.

Shit, I couldn't even fathom this was in the same ballpark as the "right" thing. I just didn't know what I should do otherwise. I didn't have other options. I wasn't the pick of the litter. I was a well educated burnout, not exactly prime employee material in anyone's book. So, this may not be the "right" thing to do, but it was the only thing.

With that taunting the back of my mind, I drove the mower down the pathway to the farthest corner of Forks Cemetery.

Earbuds in place, the first hour passed quickly, as did the second. Groundskeeping was easy business. It didn't involve a huge amount of thought or energy and it was effortless for even me to do the work without fucking up. I didn't think of what was just over that little hill and beyond the rows of headstones and mausoleums.

Not much, anyway.

With winter on the way, the sun was already disappearing into the trees overhead, turning the blue skies to gray. Sunset was only an hour away which meant it was getting close to quitting time. I wanted to finish edging around the last headstones before meeting Jasper. I thought about offering to take him out for a beer after work. Menial labor seemed to have raised my spirits, a little.

I flipped the switch on the weedeater and bent down to gather the rest of the equipment. It's hard to say exactly what happened next. Like a mass of storm clouds moved over the sky in an instant, the dulling blue turned to murky black. The temperature dropped enough to make me wish for the sweatshirt I'd left at the shed this morning and a flurry of goosebumps rose over my arms and trickled down my spine. But it wasn't until I saw my breath gust out that I dropped the tools in my hands. I stood up quickly leaving knees bent and ready to move as the rest of my muscles instinctually coiled for a fight. My eyes swept over the cemetery. I could feel something watching me.

A low fog appeared, swirling over the freshly cut grass, smoldering the fresh scent away. It billowed as it rolled around my feet, covering my shoes completely. The strange way it moved, then just sat on the ground was eerie enough, but I realized as I stood in the low soup that there wasn't even the hint of a breeze.

From behind, I heard a sigh. Soft and delicate and barely more than a breath of air. I spun instantly, ignoring the hair on the back of my neck as it rose and tickled. Something was definitely watching, but I couldn't see anything, just rows and rows of graves, a few trees, the strange fog.

Shaking my head, I tried to wipe away the uneasy feeling raising the fine hairs away from my arms and neck. Just an electric storm on the way. I bent back down to grab my things, ready to get out of this place and damn the beer with Jasper, when I heard it again.

This time, the sigh was perceptibly louder. I almost recognized it before something started to take form in the swirling smoke. I watched in complete disbelief as the hazy fog began to pile in on itself, building upward from the ground and condensing until it was no longer transparent. The shapes of the headstones and hill in the background dissolved as it grew denser.

Trembling slightly I blinked, once, twice. Then, I could make out the form of a person. While I gaped, it continued to form until I could make out features. Everything was smoky, hazed in the fog, but slowly I could determine the body and hair, facing toward the hill.

The phantom woman continued solidifying before my eyes. I could only stare in shock and horror.

Suddenly, it turned its head. I screamed as loud as any prepubescent girl, and much louder than I had when the black figure appeared at her grave.

Dark hair fell behind her shoulder as her head turned toward me. Recognition was immediate. It was a face I knew better than my own. Seeing her like that, knowing exactly what I was looking at, was both a blessing and a curse. I settled for being relieved I had already relieved myself behind the old Meyer headstone a few minutes ago. At least I wasn't pissing all over myself now.

She was dressed in a flowing gown of bright white, looking every bit an angel. For a moment, she didn't seem to notice me, like her eyes hadn't focused yet. Then, they widened revealing dark gray pupils nothing like the chocolate ones I knew so well. Even so, there was no mistaking who I was looking at. It was as obvious in her pale countenance and dull features, but made true when her mouth opened into the trademark 'o' she reserved for surprises.

I blinked once, then again. I couldn't believe it. I just could not fucking believe this. I didn't know if it was worse dreaming there'd been a mistake, that she still lived, or finding out that she was in fact dead. The ghost hovering in the fog just a few feet away testified to the reality. I was just not fucking ready to accept this.

My hand rose, reaching, and I found myself breathing her name. The pain of saying it out loud pierced through my heart but I wouldn't take it back if I could. Panic swam over her face and settled into obvious confusion. A deep worry line etched into the ashy forehead as she pulled her eyebrows together. It was obvious by that one look that she could see me as I could see her, but she had no idea who I was. And I had scared her.

"Wait!" I tried to shout, but it was too late. She was already fading.

Half a second later and gone was the figure, the fog, the intense and heavy coldness that snaked its way through my veins. But the clammy uneasiness lingered far after the sky above turned back into the muted blue of late afternoon.

Then, I heard Jasper calling.

"Edward? Did I just hear you scream?" He asked with a bemused smirk while crossing the top of the little hill directly behind the spot where Bella's ghost had been standing moments ago.

Had I screamed? I couldn't remember. The only thing I could think about was Bella standing just out of reach, the way she had always been to me.

I stared at my friend as he approached, the happiness sliding from his face as he drew closer. Should I tell him what just happened? He did have this _thing_. He'd know something was going on.

And, I probably had I screamed, but honestly, what the fuck else was I supposed to do when the deceased love of my life materialized out of nowhere?

It didn't seem right to admit it. It looked crazy enough from my perspective. I couldn't imagine what he'd think if I told him I was just chatting with Bella. Well, not _chatting_, not really. But she had been standing right there, that very spot Jasper just walked through.

Hadn't she?

Moving my fingers to the bridge of my nose, I pinched, applying pressure that would hopefully dissolve away the falsities so I could figure out what was happening.

What the fuck _was_ happening?

I opened one eye and watched him watch me.

"Dude?" He said it like a question.

"I'm…o, okay," I stuttered. "Didn't…uh, lose a finger or anything."

The smile slipped back on. Always at ease and not a bit stingy sharing the feeling with others.

My shoulders drooped and I let out a gust of air. It tasted of the cut grass again, still bittersweet at the end of fall. His heavy hand clapped me on the back and tucked me next to him. Following his lead, I let Jasper pull me away from my rooted position.

We crossed the hill and began winding our way back to the shed. The gravel crunched beneath our shoes as the unassuming mood took me. The further I moved, the more unreal it became.

Then, Jasper asked me a question that stopped me dead in my tracks.

"So, did you believe in ghosts before today?"

**A/N: So…good stuff to come. Review if you haven't so I can thank you personally for putting up with me!**


	8. Chapter 7

**I don't own the characters of Twilight, but I do own this plot. I'm sick of rewriting this chapter, so this is as good as this one gets. Sorry...**

**Chapter 7**

**Connections**

The following days flashed by. I lost myself in Edward: his eyes, his home, his quiet smile I could only glimpse briefly in the mornings when he talked with Jasper before work. I was drawn to him with a force that felt unbreakable. It was strong, tight, piercing. He intrigued me even in the smallest of ways. I didn't know if it was normal to adore the man I should be guiding, but it felt too right not to let the adoration take hold. It was too natural.

Other things were completely unnatural. Though there had been no contact between us since his first day in the graveyard, I was focused on trying to let him know I was with him, with no success. I attempted touching him, calling his name (which I secretly loved whispering in his ear as he slept) and lingering in front of him, willing myself into something substantial. Nothing seemed to get through.

I found myself dwelling on that afternoon. What had happened then that I couldn't recreate?

I sat on the hill watching him work, as I had continued to do for each day afterward. It was the moment I realized how sad he looked. It was deep sadness, running through the heart of him. It became evident in one moment that he was half dead already. The depth of his sorrow surrounded me, made me gasp as his pain melded to me, became my pain.

Suddenly, the energy of a thousand souls began to permeate the earth. The long dead souls bled from the ground in thick mists. None actually formed, or had thoughts I could pick out. They stayed low and loose. It swayed with a regular movement, pulsing outward from the base of the hill, from the very spot where I was standing.

Edward immediately tensed and turned. I could see the puffs of condensation as his warm breath hit the force of cold churned up the rising dead. His eyes blazed green fire as they bore directly to mine. He saw me.

He saw me and called my name…a name I only knew because Rosalie told me. I had a memory of a father, but nothing else. Not my name. Not my age. Not even what I looked like, but after Edward's recognition I knew it was similar to the form I take now.

Still, he _knew _me. He knew me and my name and who knew what else. He knew things I'd wanted to know since I had the disturbing memory of my death.

But I couldn't figure out how to make contact. I had no idea what I had done the first time, no matter how many times I rolled over the minutest details. Worse, I couldn't make it happen again.

Edward wasn't the kind of man who talked to himself, so I didn't really get any random information as he moped around his apartment. He never left his apartment except to go to work. He never talked on the phone. The few times it did ring, he ignored it until the annoying generic jingle nearly drove me crazy.

Over all, it made me worry even more. Why was he so sad?

He was cleaning today. It was progress of some sort, even though I doubted it was due to any influence I had. He woke early. Even though it was his day off, he'd had a restless night and almost seemed to be waiting for a decent hour to call it quits. After a few minutes of rubbing his hair which happened to be a morning ritual, he began to shuffle around the house.

I floated to the corners and resumed my nights' attempts to knock a picture off the wall. None of the prints had glass anymore, so it seemed like a harmless way to get his attention. I knew it was possible. I just couldn't figure out the mechanics. My fingers kept slipping through the frame. Sometimes I lost a whole arm through the wall, but I was nothing if not stubborn. Rosalie had told me as such, and I could feel the need to continue, to succeed. I knew I wouldn't give up, ever.

To me, it felt like the temperature raised ten degrees in an instant. But, it was a small apartment. I didn't think anything about it. It wasn't until I noticed Edward had stopped moving that I realized he noticed the temperature change, too. His back was to me, and I could almost see the hair rising on his neck. His body tensed, muscles locking in mid-step. Slowly, he glanced over his shoulder. He was sensing what only I could see.

Next to the front door, a dark mist was starting to form. Devoid of any of the color I knew a soul takes in the astral form, it was dense enough to obscure the door behind him. Immediately, my instincts began screaming danger. I needed to flee, but Edward was standing at the corner of my vision, staring with a wide eyed look toward the door.

_Who are you? _The voice was a growl, emanating right from the darkening mist.

I choked on my tongue. I wasn't sure what I should say. Already, the looming shadow was making me panic. But I wouldn't leave Edward. His kind and broken soul could not afford anymore heartache. I didn't know why, I just knew I needed to fix it.

_Tell me, hurry! _It growled again.

"Edward's guide," I whispered.

The mist began to form. The familiarity of the darkness pulling together into a human figure was assuring. I inhaled deeply, trying to regain control of my senses as his features shaped. My first reaction was I had been wrong to distrust the mist. Nothing with a face as kind as his could be anything other than good. His hair was shirt and light butterscotch; his eyes were a deep brown. They looked on me with depth and hesitancy.

"The others are coming," he told me. The hard coldness was gone from his voice. It was sweet, lilting like the song of sunset. "You must tell me. Did Emmett send you?"

I didn't answer. Despite the angelic face, I didn't know if I should trust him. I didn't want to reveal myself to the enemy, even if he did smile like the gods.

With a shrug of his shoulders, he motioned toward the door. "Look, don't say anything in front of the others. I've known them for a long time and still have no idea how far we should trust them." He paused, eyes looking into mine. It felt like he was searching into the very core of me. "You have nothing to fear from me."

Just as I was about to ask him who he was, there was a light knock at the door. Edward shook his head as if shaking away a daydream, and made for it, brushing right past where the golden man stood. The spirit floated to the side and watched me as I watched Edward open the door.

At first, I thought he was opening the doors to Nex. The light was so bright I had to squint away from it. But as it filtered through the open door and into the dim apartment, I could see individual orbs of color flow into the room. I counted four before I had even noticed the little dark haired girl still standing on the threshold. While the auras moved away she stood, shoulders slumped forward and staring at her toe that idly kicked at the door jamb. She looked immediately uncomfortable.

Edward gaped and rubbed at his eyes. The silence between them was thick, palpable. The mutual discomfort spun outward. I withdrew further into the shadowy corner.

Suddenly, the girl looked up. Her eyes were a darker shade of green than Edward's and her hair a darker brown, but when I looked at her face, the similarities between she and Edward were striking. It was obvious they were related, though she was delicate in the ways he was masculine. Both shared the common distress and deep seeded sorrow, and it was evident in the red rimmed eyes and hallowed cheekbones. I knew this was his sister.

She bounded into Edward, forcing a grunt out of his lungs when she flung her arms around his shoulders. Tentatively, he reacted, awkwardly placing a hand on her back while the rest of his body remained stiff and unresponsive.

"You didn't call," she whispered into his chest. Her voice was thick from tears.

"I didn't know what to say," was his gruff response.

The girl pulled away and stared into her brother's eyes. "You know what to say," she told him. "You don't have to be afraid anymore."

A thousand emotions must have played across his face. They reflected themselves in the way Alice's eyes pooled with tears and she threw herself back at him with intensified fervor. But I was distracted from the embrace as someone cleared her throat.

Remembering again that I was not alone watching the scene, I focused on the surrounding spirits. One of them had formed and was staring at me with a scowl across her face. She too was beautiful. Beyond beautiful. Her hair was to her thin shoulders and a pale blonde, edging on being white despite her face seeming so childlike. But the narrowed eyes and scowl were enough to make her anything but the comfort the man had been.

He stood to her left, eyeing the woman's reaction to me. She wasn't pleased in the least.

"Who are you?" Her voice was cold and sharp, only adding to my intimidation.

"Edward's guide," I was finally able to stutter out.

Her electric blue eyes flashed as she continued to appraise me. "No one gets two guides," she hissed and stalked closer to me.

The drama of the moment was cut off when I snorted. "And here your human has several, so I don't really see your point," I told her.

The man chortled and the others continued their hovering. The cherub faced spirit guide frowned. "I am her guide," she spat.

"The others are attracted to Alice's physic abilities," the man interrupted.

"No, we can't all be lucky enough to be connected to someone so special. Can we, Carlisle? And that only makes it more suspicious Edward would have been chosen for a second guide. We all know there's nothing special about him."

My eyes pulled to Edward when she said his name. He and his sister were now seated on the couch, heads together and arms thrown over each other's shoulders. It was a picturesque moment, fouled up by this woman's mouth. He _was_ special. He _had _seen me. I was suddenly infuriated by what the woman was insinuating. Who did this little bitch think she was? I turned back to her and squared my shoulders, ready to put her in her place when Carlisle stopped me short.

"Jane," his calm tone held no outrage, only soft, very real compassion. "This isn't up to us to decide. Just accept. It has brought them back together, after all.

They eyed each other in tense silence. Eventually, her face fell into a pout, but I knew she wasn't going to argue it anymore. "I should have been notified as this clearly interferes with my work here."

"We are all but pawns," Carlisle answered. The hint of a smile played on the corners of his lips when he turned to me. "Welcome, friend," he said. "I am Carlisle and this is Jane."

"Nice to meet you," I nodded to them and let my eyes wandered to the others. Then, after a moment's pause I asked, "And them?"

Jane answered in a flat voice. "Demetri, Felix and Alec," she named them. They stayed in their astral states, merely watching our interaction.

"So, you all follow Alice around?" I was hesitant to ask but wanted to know as much as possible. Carlisle warned me they couldn't be trusted, but that didn't mean I couldn't learn something without revealing anything about myself in the process.

Jane floated toward Edward and Alice on the couch. "There are more. Because she can communicate with spirits, they find her."

"What about the mortals they're supposed to be guiding?" I prodded deeper.

Jane shrugged but didn't turn back to me. "The connection eventually breaks and they are bound to no one. They come and go as they please."

I looked at Carlisle. _Really_ looked this time. He had left someone. He'd broken a bond that was forged at birth. I couldn't understand it. I couldn't imagine deserting Edward, so broken and alone in the world. Even if he wasn't the mentally drained man I knew, I couldn't imagine a reason I'd choose to be anywhere else.

Carlisle was staring toward Jane, a tender look on his face. It was a mixture of happiness and pride. It struck me as very misplaced to be gazing at the little devil woman that way, when I actually followed his line of sight.

I gasped. "You…you…_abandoned _him?" I managed to choke out.

A strange breaking rippled through me, stabbing a thousand different needles into my skin. My body exploded under the strain, my astral form bursting forth in a hazy gray-blue of heartache. Carlisle watched with tentative eyes.

A hiccup from the couch diverted my attention from him, but I was too shaken to pull myself together just yet. The siblings had untangled their arms from each other. Edward stared at his sister, but her face was slack, evergreen eyes far away and glossy.

"There's someone else here," she whispered.

Edward's mouth fell open slightly.

Seemingly oblivious to my meltdown until Alice mentioned it, Jane turned to look at me and obscured the couch from view. "The connection will fade when it falls to unresponsive minds," she said as if nothing had happened.

I pulled myself back together with all the grace of an epileptic seizure. Jane cocked an eyebrow at seeing the uneasy way I slipped between forms. Even though Emmett had called me a natural, I was still shaky and slow during the transformation and combined with the little outburst before, it was glaringly apparent I was new to this.

Instead of shriveling under the gaze from the others, I put my attention onto the mortals on the couch, actually bending at the waist to see around Jane.

"It's strange," Alice was saying. "I've never heard of it before. But…but, I think you have a new guide."

Edward was shaking his head. "What does that mean?"

"It means someone is watching over you again. That's great news!"

Tugging on the too long bronze hair, Edward looked away. "I don't believe this."

The dark haired girl jumped to her feet. Angling her hands on her hips, she glared at her brother who, by then, was staring at his sockless feet.

"What do you mean, 'you don't believe'?" she shouted. Her voice seemed much too large for the tiny frame. The gray daze that had taken her earlier disappeared into a fiery intensity directed solely on Edward.

"Jasper said you saw! He said you'd call!"

Edward still didn't look up, but his fingers had ceased fretting his hair. Now, he pressed the palms of his hands into his eye sockets. I wondered if he even realized his head was shaking back and forth.

"Everything I've ever told you is the truth. You've _seen _it now. How can you _not _believe?" Alice dropped her voice and flopped back to the couch. With a little effort, she pried one of Edward's hands from his face and brought it to her lap. As her fingers laced with his, she brought her other arm to his forehead, gently brushing the disarray of bronze from his skin.

"There's a whole other force at play. What did you expect, harps and angel wings?"

Edward groaned loudly. "I expected ghosts, regular hauntings. I didn't expect to see…" he choked and tried again, his voice a bit shakier. "I didn't expect to see _her_."

Alice leaned her dainty body toward him and rested her forehead against his. "I miss her, too."

Jane had turned back to Alice. "She can hear you," she called over her shoulder, "if you'd like."

My eyes darted to Carlisle. He sent a look of warning, but nodded his head toward the mortals. I moved cautiously, brushing past Jane. I stood next to Alice, her head still against Edward's.

"What do I do?" I asked to no one and kept my eyes trained on the pair on the couch.

"Touch her," Carlisle prompted.

I raised my hand slowly, my fingers shaking. The sudden nervousness flushed through me causing my very form to tremble and fade in and out.

"Calm," Carlisle soothed.

My hand lifted and I placed it just on top of her shoulder. There was nothing to feel, not the fabric of her clothes, not the soft feel of flesh, not the hardness of bone. My fingers easily slid through her. A tremor shuddered through her tiny frame and the air whooshed from her lungs in a quick gasp. She gulped down a strangled breath and I backed off quickly.

Jane laughed and shunted me out of the way as she moved up from behind. With the ease of having done the exact motion many times before, she leaned forward and placed her forehead right next to Alice's. Jane was staring directly into her eyes. They immediately became dazed and for a moment, they each breathed each other in.

Edward, sensing Jane's presence, was also breathing too quickly. His breath fogged from his mouth as he pushed away from Alice's relaxed form. He stared at his sister, eyes wild and pressed himself as far as he could into the armrest.

He said her name, first softly, then with full panic.

She spoke out loud, though it seemed undirected, dull as it had earlier, which only seemed to further panic Edward.

"Someone is here with them," she said flatly. "She has joined you, but she is a mystery."

Edward was shaking his head again. I wanted to reach out to give comfort, but after what had happened when I tried to touch Alice, I only withdrew a step further.

Jane leaned back a few inches and Alice spoke again, this time in her own voice. It lilted a hundred shades away from the dead tone Jane used to speak.

"It's benign, a tumor, nothing to worry about," she said as she turned to her rather pale looking brother.

"What do you mean nothing to worry about? I've seen _her_! Don't you know what all this is doing to me?" Edward seemed to be edging toward a full mental breakdown. His breathing was becoming increasingly more erratic. His eyes were bouncing everywhere.

Alice repositioned herself so she was facing Edward and took his hand with hers. "It couldn't have been. It's too soon. She'd have no reason to stay. I promise. You do have a new guide and that is a good thing." Edward gawked in disbelief. "Really, Edward. It can be a good thing. You just need to listen this time."

Alice stood and got ready to leave, glancing back down at her brother, pity and grief mingled in her expression. "Grief is hard Edward, but you have to try to live again."

He didn't respond until Alice had the door open.

"I stopped living a long time ago," he whispered into his hands.

His sister hesitated, shoulders tensing a bit, but she didn't turn around. "It's time to start. You have another chance."

Then, she stepped through the threshold and closed the door softly behind her. Edward groaned and resumed pulling at his hair. Jane moved back toward the exit, passing a hard look in my direction. She stopped next to the placid Carlisle and darkened her look.

"I can't make you reveal who you are," she hissed. "But I will find out."

With that, she burst into an angry red mist and seeped under the door. The other two orbs followed behind her without pause.

I turned a raised eyebrow toward Carlisle who alone remained. "Why would you leave him?"

"There's too much you don't know, Bella," he answered with a soft look. "And it's too early to tell you. Just stay close to Edward."

Carlisle melted with his statement, becoming a brilliant golden aura. Then, he followed the others through the small gaps in the doorjamb and was gone.

I was alone again with my distraught Edward and I found I didn't mind it at all. I couldn't imagine ever letting him out of my sight so taking Carlisle's heeding would be simple. There was no where I'd rather be.

**A/N: I dig reviews and I respond, so....no hesitation.**


	9. Chapter 8

**The standard disclaimer applies: the characters belong to SM, the plot belongs to me!**

**After a crashed laptop, a near NM meltdown, and a hundred bucks, I was able to salvage this chapter! (And every other thing I'd ever written...I know! Gasp!!) But, I'm back at it and glad to be so. Thanks for your patience! **

**Also, Cougars, its time to sharpen those claws!! Write a oneshot for The Cougar Revolution contest!! (FF) .net/u/2230877/**

**Chapter 8**

**Haunted  
**

None of it was easy to take. My estranged sister shows up on my doorstep and tells me all her childhood fairy tales were true. It was absurd and downright disturbing, and worse, I think I believed. After growing up with Alice and her _friends_, I had been skeptical, embarrassed even by her candor and complete acceptance of the unseen.

The problem was it got her into a lot of trouble. She was determined to listen to the call of the voices only she could hear. She constantly put herself in danger to do as they asked, things that didn't make sense. But her accuracy was uncomfortably dead on.

Like the times she led the cops to lost bones in the woods, or when she "stumbled" over a broken taillight that resulted in draining a reservoir and solving a fifty year old missing person case. There were dozens of similar instances where Alice had put to rest long standing mysteries. As a child, it was impossible to deal with. On one hand, Alice wasn't doing it for attention, even if she shined in the spotlight. I loved my little sister, but it was hard to be so fucking normal when she was not. Adolescence was difficult with the tiny weird girl as my sister. I resented her for a long time. Too long.

I guess I didn't want to believe it was true. I wanted it to believe she had some strange psychic powers, not that she talked to dead people. Even now, now that I had seen things with my own eyes that made no sense in a rational world, it was hard to believe that ghosts stalked my little sister her whole life. It was frightening. I was scared for her. Scared for myself.

It looked like Bella that day in the cemetery. My mind saw her standing in the low mist, but I couldn't be sure. There had been differences. Not many, but enough to know it _could _have been someone else. Combined with Alice shutting down the notion and her insistence that I had someone following me around, I doubted my instincts. I doubted myself. I doubted everything I ever felt about Bella Swan.

But, there was still the odd feeling that someone was standing over my shoulder. It could have been this whole mess with Alice, but I swear I felt something. Sometimes I'd be shaving or drinking a cup of coffee and I'd give myself whiplash trying to crane my neck to catch a glimpse. At least the razor wasn't against my neck or I'd have worse things to worry about.

Then, _strange _things were happening with growing frequency. The doors creaked when they never had before. I heard footsteps treading lightly down the hallway at all times of the day and night. An old Quileute dreamcatcher I didn't even know I still had was laying in the middle of it one night. And couple of times I woke up absolutely positive someone was whispering in my ear. I might have been able to chock it up to nighttime fantasies, because I swear a breeze of freesia hovered near my bedside each time I awoke.

But I could overlook most of it to my insomnia, paranoia, what the fuck ever, but there was just no fucking denying the picture.

The morning after Alice's visit I woke up and it was turned forty five degrees. I only noticed because it was blocking the digital clock next to it and it was habit to glance there. The next morning, it was face down on the shelf. And the next, it was on the floor.

Every morning it was slightly skewed. It was baffling as much as unsettling. I started sleeping on the couch, waiting to see the fucking thing leap to its doom. I never witnessed it budge an inch and it never failed to do so.

I attempted normalcy. I went to work. I joked with Jasper. I even answered the phone when Alice called even though all she wanted to talk about was ghosts and spirit guides and a bunch of bullshit I was pretty sure was another catalyst for my slow descent into madness.

Because through it all, I was thinking about Bella more and more.

Even if she wasn't haunting me, her memory was.

I dialed Jake's number a thousand times but never connected the call. More than ever I wanted to talk to him. I'm not sure why it suddenly weighed so heavily on my mind, but for some fucking reason everything that had been happening brought my mind back to the night of the funeral and the _thing_ that chased Jake and I from Bella's grave. So while not desperate enough to call him, I found myself frequenting the restaurants and bars of La Push, expecting we'd eventually cross paths.

But he never showed. Not at the grocery, at the diner, at McDonald's to grab the kids a happy Meal. And shit, if any kids needed an extra smile it was Bella's boys. By the time a week had passed since Alice's visit, I was all out stalking the reservation in my free time.

Then, I finally found his shop. Well, then I stopped avoiding the areas where it might actually be. Sure enough, the beat up old Rabbit was parked outside the dingy garage, just like I remembered from all those years ago and even if I'd never been here.

I sat outside for awhile, just staring at the place. I could hear the sounds of mechanics tinkering. I remembered Jake's fascination with everything auto. I never got into it like that. Didn't like getting my hands dirty back then, but I spent enough time watching Jake and that stupid car to be able to rebuild a carburetor on my own.

Once the sun had begun to set I watched as a couple of guys left the shop and drove away. I'm pretty sure one was Seth Clearwater, but he'd been a scrawny pimple last time I saw him. It was hard to reconcile that picture with the six foot something mammoth man that happily jogged to his Charger and squealed the tires half way down the road.

When Jake exited, the smell of burnt rubber still choked the air. At first, I didn't recognize the figure, practically dragging his feet through the lot. His shoulders slumped forward and gone was the trademark Jake hair. Instead of the familiar long pony tail and occasional braid, it was now shaved close to his scalp. I watched him lumber to the Rabbit and was immediately uncomfortable. This was not the man I remembered, the boyhood friend I loved and who would have started to bounce back by now. This man was on the verge of crumbling.

With cautious and exaggerated movements I stepped out of the Volvo and made my way to him, afraid he was going to bolt. He looked up to see me moving but unlocked his door and started getting in like I was nothing more than scenery.

"Jake!" I called out. "Wait up a sec."

The door slammed shut but I saw the window jerking downward as I came around to the driver's side. I attempted to smile but couldn't hold it when I saw his dull expression. I couldn't help myself. He looked like he had one foot in the grave.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

His black eyes narrowed angrily, but I was silently relieved to see any emotion even if it was spurned by my harsh words. "What are you doing here?" he growled.

I blinked a few times as the response, not really expecting his anger. I deserved it, but after losing Bella, I assumed life's little details had ceased to mean as much as they once did. They had for me.

"I need to talk to someone," I glanced away from his face with my admittance. It hadn't really evolved in my mind why I had been looking for Jacob. I just was. Now that I was here, I was a little disturbed by outright honesty.

Neither of us spoke for a minute, but then the engine of the old Rabbit turned over with a mechanical wheeze and I looked back up.

He sighed. "Get in."

Hesitation wasn't an option, so I took a few quick strides around the tiny car and slipped into the passenger seat without comment.

The ride was quiet, only the sound of the tires against the uneven La Push roads beneath us. I think I guessed where he was heading before I realized it. My mind seemed to be working too fast to actually compute anything, and the strangled silence was deafening.

I had to think of something to say, but what? I had no fucking clue what I had expected to accomplish by this. Until the funeral, we hadn't spoken in years. Not that I blamed him for that. It had been my fuck up.

I never should have gone to the wedding.

_Bella had been the perfect blushing bride. Her hair had been piled in intricate ringlets and twists around a simple veil. I didn't even want to approach her. She was an angel in her dress of white, a goddess of innocence and beauty. The touch of my filthy hands would taint her image. I was unworthy to behold such magnificence._

_Especially because it should have been mine. I should have been the one standing at the altar waiting for her. She should have been my wife._

_Bella was already moving for me. She strode over and wrapped her tiny arms around my neck, drawing me into her with all her strength. _

"_I didn't think you'd come," she whispered into my chest. It wasn't my imagination that her arms grasped tighter. _

"_You think I'd miss this?" The humor was wrong to my own ears. _

_I leaned back so I could see her properly. Her eyes were swimming behind the smile, deep and chocolate and familiar. Whispers of hair teased her perfect face, daring me to sweep them away. I wondered how in the hell else I could answer because it hadn't crossed my mind not to come._

_When Jake came to me six years earlier, I gave an answer without thinking about it. In fact, I did such little thinking that it didn't even strike me the enormous decision I had helped make until they showed up to the lunch room together. We'd been inseparable since the day Bella hit Jacob in the nose on the playground. Even in high school, we were still our own little click. But Jake changed all that and even having inadvertently given my go ahead, it knocked me off my fucking feet._

_Bella had been my girl from day one. She would always be mine. That's why it was hard for my sixteen year old brain to understand what I was seeing when they showed up hand in hand. They walked to our table and stood there. Jake was smiling broadly, white teeth gleaming in the harsh lights of the cafeteria. Bella was blushing and staring at her toes. I hadn't been able to name the emotions I saw when it all happened, but I could sense that she was uncomfortable. Now I wondered if she had wanted things to turn out as differently as I did. _

_In any case, Bella and Jake became a boxed set. Where she was so was he, russet fingers claiming her ivory ones until I was ready to break his just to keep them away. But I never thought it would be lasting. They were friends…_best _friends…and she was meant to be mine._

_I had been foolish to place too little thought into Jake's intentions all those years ago, and even more so not to see his determination to fuck with the hand of fate and make Bella his. _

_But life didn't cease with the shifting of my foundation. Somehow, I became a third wheel. Where before we were riding on equal footing, our relationships began to feel more off kilter until I felt like I was running along beside them, trying to figure out what the hell had gone wrong. _

_So, it was to my growing irritation that I began to be left out of their bubble entirely. It truly never crossed my mind that I was losing the woman I loved to my best friend, but it still created an insurmountable rift between us, all of us, and six years later it was much too late to undo the damage done with a single high school prom. It had sealed our destiny and had been no going back. _

_So, there I was standing before twenty-one year old Isabella Swan and she was expecting me to say something, to wish her good luck or some bullshit before she walked down the aisle and into Jake's waiting arms._

_I forced an uneven smile to my lips and stared at the beauty before me. Bella was looking at me expectantly. I realized she had said something while I was reminiscing the past. _

"_What did you say?" I asked with apology. _

_Bella smiled sadly and raised her hand to my face. Before answering, she traced my cheek with cool fingers. "I said I thought you wouldn't be here. I felt like I'd seen the last of Edward Cullen."_

_It had, in fact, been two years since we'd been face to face, and the phone calls had been nonexistent more recently. But, I had eventually accepted the scholarship to Dartmouth and left my friends behind, even though they had abandoned me much earlier than I wanted to admit. _

_I went to seek education and life away from the bounds that tied me to Forks and to Bella and failed. It took all my effort not to think about her or to hear the lilting melody of her voice. I had no time to concentrate on my coursework. Not without my reason for being across the country and in the arms of another man. _

_So, like the proverbially dog with his tail tucked between his legs, I crawled back to the soggy world of my youth, a youth that had seeped into the perpetually damp ground in my absence. I returned to Forks the failure and it only got worse. _

_Jake proposed the night I flew back. _

_They were making wedding plans as I sat up dialing Bella until three in the morning, sobbing into the phone with each unanswered call. _

_I found out from Esme. My _mother_ knew before I did and I didn't know how to take that shit. At least, it made me realize my place in their lives now. Everything was second hand. And when Bella did try to return the messages from the night before, I ignored the chiming and crawled back into bed, where I remained pretty much for the next six torturous fucking months._

Jake had driven across the rez to First Beach. I hadn't even realized he'd turned the key and we were sitting with only the quiet clicking of the cooling engine in the air. Without speaking, Jake threw open the door and moved out of the car. I watched him move slowly toward the shore before I had enough sense to follow the slumped figure fading into the evening mists off the Pacific.

My feet slid as they hurried over the smooth, damp stones covering the beach. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd been here, but I was positive both Jake and Bella had been with me. I was sure I hadn't been here since before the shift.

Fifty yards away, Jake leaned into a washed up tree, his massive figure hidden behind a tangle of bleached wood. The color of the limbs was unsettling. I saw bones and fingers instead of branches and bark. Still, I moved toward him, dropping onto the stones and leaning against the cracking wood when I was close enough to watch him.

I kept my eyes on Jacob Black and he kept his on the rolling rhythm of the ocean. For a long time, he stayed silent. I couldn't think straight, my mind over run with the memory of Bella in her wedding dress, waiting to go to him.

Jake cleared his throat, but it did little to dispel the emotion in his voice when he finally spoke. "I knew how you felt, you know."

Competing with the roaring waves, I wasn't sure if I had heard him correctly. "How I felt?"

"I knew all along," he went on, impossibly more quiet. He stared out at the graying waves, turning dark with the fading light of the overcast day. Then, he turned to me. The emotion there was impossible to deny.

Tears gathered in his dark eyes and spilled free when he spoke again.

"I just didn't fucking care until she was gone."

I was staring at the back of his head again, wondering over his hair, over why he'd cut it.

He was speaking again, but this time it felt like a confession, his turned back the veil of secrecy.

"I fucking knew all along and I still blamed you."

A light rain began to fall. It pattered against the beach like a thousand tears. Jake turned his face to the rain, letting it drip into his face, his crying eyes. Heaven's misery seemed to give him strength to finish.

"Then, I blamed her. What the fuck kind of person does that make me?"

Thunder rumbled from somewhere far off shore and the rain answered by falling harder. I was stunned by the force of his words. The water soaked into my clothes, but the cold had nothing to do with the oncoming storm.

Standing unsure, I took a few steps until I could reach out. It could have been the hardest thing I've ever done in my whole shitty existence. I never made the gesture, I only accepted it. Reaching out for Jake felt like trying to become somebody I might have been, had I not been slow and floundering and one step behind my entire life.

My hand clasped his shoulder. The pressure didn't seem to register, so I spoke slowly, choosing my words carefully. "Fuck," I sighed "you _are _fucking good. You always have been."

Finally, Jake turned back toward me, his face tense. The wearied grief of a moment ago was nowhere in his broad features. Lightning flashed off shore. The waves crashed against the beach, intensifying and quickening as the wind began to push inland. The storm was coming and Jake's face was the darkening front moving on the horizon.

"For whatever reason, my life has been cursed with a million fuck ups. I never had a fucking chance; shit was pitted against me from the beginning. I should have figured it out. And I can't look at the boys because they saw me fuck it up at the end and it's not fucking fair! I should have let all that shit go. She did! And now it's too late and I can't even tell her I fucking know. She could have been happy and I made it impossible and you stand there telling me I'm a good person? Fuck you, Edward. You have no clue what I've done and how it fucking haunts me."

I ran a hand through my hair, but it was already wet enough to be sticking to my head. "Shit, you have those kids to take care of. Without Bella, they fucking need you, you douche."

Did I really just fucking say that?

Jake's eyes narrowed. The anger was back, and I was almost glad to see it. The self pity was unnatural; it was ruining him, and that felt very wrong.

"It waits for me." Jake's tone was harsher than I expected. I actually leaned away. "As soon as I close my eyes, it's there, waiting. It won't go away until it gets what it wants."

"What the fuck are you talking about man?"

"I'm talking about that…that…_thing_! It's always around, man. I can't get away." Another flash of lightening flashed, followed three seconds later by thunder. Jake's face seemed unusually pale.

"What _thing?" _ I prompted, my voice growing louder to be heard over the rising howl of the wind.

"That fucking _thing _at the graveyard!" he shouted back and throwing his hands up desperately. "It followed me and it wants her! What the fuck am I supposed to do? It won't leave me alone! It makes me think things, _horrible_ fucking things."

I really looked at Jake now, trying to place the wild look he was wearing. I had never seen him more afraid, even after his mother died. This was a side of Jacob Black that I never knew existed, but I believed him. Something was going on. _Something _was haunting him. That was obvious. But, if what he was saying was true, if this demon from the graveyard was after Bella, what the fuck did that mean?

My mind was whirling.

Suddenly, lightening flashed again, thunder roaring right on top of it, striking the beach less than a mile from us. The ground trembled beneath my feet. I could taste the searing electricity on my tongue. Fear ripped through me and judging by the twisted grimace Jake wore, he was feeling the same thing.

"We need to go," I shouted over the increasingly fierce winds.

Jake readily agreed and with no further prompting, we took back up the beach, sliding on the rocks in our haste. Once back in the relative safety of the Rabbit, we panted to steady our racing hearts and watched the storm slam into First Beach.

Eventually, Jake drove me back to the shop so I could get the Volvo. It wasn't until I was climbing out into the steady rain I remembered what I had stashed in the glove box. I told him to hang on while I retrieved the intricately woven dreamcatcher I had inadvertently put there the day I found it in the hall. Ironically, it had been a gift from Jake, but I felt no qualms about giving it back. And I tried not to think about finding the thing in the first place, because, honestly, what the fuck did that mean?

Jake stared at the regift with blank eyes until something flashed. I think it was genuine amazement, but he only grumbled out a heavy thanks and then I was staring at the back end of the rusty old Rabbit as it roared down away. Then I realized I was fucking soaking and likely to ruin the leather.

Unsure what transpired between Jake and I, I was feeling a little better as I drove back through the reservation and toward home. It wasn't until I crossed the border that I felt it again, the oppressive feeling that I was not alone, the horror that I'd never be alone ever fucking again.

I didn't even try to hold back the shiver that raced through me. I needed to get used to it.

"I guess you were waiting."

**A/N: Questions? Concerns? Rambling incoherent curses? You know what to do!!**

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	10. Chapter 9

**Twilight and its vampires aren't mine. Dead Bella is. **

**This is my longest chapter ever, just so you know. Beware the blah, blah blah!  
**

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**Chapter 9**

**The Elders**

Red spikes flickered and snapped, whirling wildly without direction and fueled by my anger. Edward was spending entirely too much time somewhere I couldn't go and it was frustrating as hell. My aura swept back and forth against the invisible line, a soul pacing. This was the fourth time this week I had been stuck on this deserted old road, waiting for Edward to cross this border where I could not follow. Frustration seeped from me causing my aura to shiver and pulse erratically. I didn't know what to do and here I was fuming, again!

My spectral body was loose, almost undone by the raw emotion. I wasn't even sure how I was supposed to be feeling. Edward had me so tied up in knots I hardly recognized which way was up anymore. I wanted to be near him always. I didn't think I was offering him any kind of protection. I just desired to be with him. I wanted to walk him through every single step. It was the power of my bond as his guide. Or, that's what I kept telling myself.

But deep down, I wondered if that really was all there was to it. This connection, this _feeling_, was overpowering, undeniable. I couldn't reason with it. I was supposed to guide Edward, but this intensity was guiding me. It made me unstable and having him behind this boundary again did nothing to comfort.

I can't truly describe what kept me from moving even a foot to the east, because there was nothing to say. There was nothing physically keeping me from going to Edward. I could feel him, even at this distance. I was so attuned to him that I would have felt his spirit from a thousand miles away. I just couldn't get to him. Like a pane of glass, there was something in my way. Something that left Edward completely unaffected, yet I could not penetrate. Cool and solid, the invisible wall kept me glowering on the other side day after day, waiting for Edward to cross back over.

Worse, a storm was on the horizon. Roiling black clouds were amassing far over the pacific, a dark and threatening force moving quickly for land. The weather wouldn't affect me, but it would no doubt antagonize my worry further. Each piece of my aura slammed against the unseen barrier, but like smoke, I billowed back out against it. I cursed and resumed my pacing, my own aura roiling as violently as the storm as it neared land.

It was in this fitful state that Rosalie found me. Like a warm glow against the darkening gray skies, she burned steadily brighter until she formed into her body. Her eyes were serious. She was waiting for me to put myself together so we could talk. Luckily, the surprise of seeing her again was enough to calm my anger and I used confusion to pull myself into a shaky form.

I hadn't realized she was angry until she spoke.

"What are you doing here?" she hissed.

"Waiting," I replied grumpily, feeling my own irritation crawl back through me.

"Bella, you can't be here," she admonished.

"No kidding?" I turned to try to scowl at whatever force was keeping me out.

"Come on," she sighed loudly. "We need to get away from the border."

Her pale, ashen hand was held out to me. I stared at it, blinking. She was obviously upset. With only a slight reluctance, I took her hand and followed her into the trees. I would know when Edward left the forbidden zone and it wasn't like I'd see him before then, no matter how frustrated I was.

We walked hand in hand and silent for awhile. Touching her cool presence, being next to her, I realized how lonely I had been. It felt like I'd been away for months instead of weeks. When we had gone a considerable distance, Rosalie stopped and turned to me. Her eyes were full of concern and…unease?

"You have to promise me you won't go back there, Bella," she whispered.

Her urgency made me want to say I wouldn't but…

"Why?" I asked with a cool edge. "Edward is in there."

"Exactly." Her voice was clipped and her eyes flashed. She was moving again. This time her clasp on my hand was tight, desperate almost, but I kept quiet and let her lead me. I sensed she had much more to say.

"I hope we haven't drawn too much attention to ourselves, but not much gets past the tribal elders," she said eventually. "What made you think you should spend all week kicking down their front door? Don't you realize how serious this is?"

I stopped in place, interrupting Rosalie's rant. She turned to me with a confused look.

"I don't, Rosalie. I have no idea what kind of mess I'm in," I near shouted. Her surprised expression made my anger light. "No one has told me anything!"

She gawped for a moment before straightening her posture and expression. "You were told to lay low and look how well you've listened," she threw an exaggerated expression in the direction we'd come from. "Stubborn as ever and ready to stomp your foot and throw a tantrum. But you have to believe me. It's time to move."

No sooner had Rose finished speaking, than the thunder clapped from directly overhead, followed immediately by a spearing fork of lightening. It struck somewhere in the forest, not far from where we were. My temper simmered and my eyes flew wide. Undaunted, Rosalie cursed, then yanked my arm and started moving.

You'd think a spectral being with no true limbs, no body of flesh and bone could stumble. I was the lucky enough to be the first to savor that experience. Luckily, Rosalie's clutch on my arm held and she stopped my face from meeting the ground. I did fall to one knee, but my legs shattered into mists and I was back up in an instant.

The wind was howling, pushing me forward. I had no choice but to let it take me. Something was lurking in the storm. I could feel it. If I didn't move, it was going to catch me.

Panicked and shivering in and out of my form, I followed after Rosalie. But we never had the chance to get away. They were already waiting for us.

Bursting into a small, circular clearing, Rosalie stopped so suddenly that I actually moved through her, ending up in front. She hissed and shouldered me back. Her eyes were narrowed and glaring ahead. A low black mist floated on the far side of the meadow. It was slowly stretching, enclosing us in the middle of the roiling vapors. I was not so dense not to understand it this time. I was seeing spirits without form, but unlike the cool grays of the mists in the graveyard, these were dark and angry. I understood Rosalie's need to hurry. I just wished I had listened.

Rose guided us into the center of the clearing as the black fog closed the circle. She kept close, trying to protect me from all angles. Suddenly, the mists began to emanate a low hum. It was a thick sound, heavy in my mind. These were very unhappy souls.

Rosalie subtly elbowed me. I watched her head fall forward in a slight bow and I let my own face follow suit.

"What's going on?" I hissed through clenched teeth.

Rosalie shushed me and kept her head bent. I nearly elbowed her just to show my agitation, but something was happening in front of us and I couldn't take my eyes away.

The fog was peaking and spiraling into individual forms. I could see vague outlines of limbs and torsos and heads. There were miniscule gaps between each body, but there were so many. I counted fifteen, but there were more behind us I couldn't see and I didn't want to crane my neck for a proper head count.

Rosalie must have glanced at my gaping expression, because she threw another elbow into my ribs. This one hurt enough that I actually cried out in surprise.

"Silence!" came a loud growl from ahead.

Both our eyes flashed forward. One of the forms was stalking toward us. With each graceful stride, it gathered density until it was no longer a foggy mist shaped like a human. It had defined edges. I could see broad shoulders, strong arms and powerful legs. By the time it stopped only a few feet from us, I could make him out clearly.

Though ashen skinned like all deceased souls, he was significantly darker in color and wore long coal black hair that shimmered lightly with flaxen strands of honey. He had a regal face with hard features and deep onyx eyes that flashed with the lightening in the sky. He stood before us with thickly muscled arms crossed brusquely across his chest and glaring, narrowed eyes.

The dark fog moaned, but it was otherwise silent, even the wind hushed as the man stared me down. I was confused why he took a keen interest in me, barely sending Rosalie a sideways glance. The black, ageless eyes seared straight through me with an uncanny recognition. Before I even had the chance to wonder over the sense of déjà vu, he spoke again.

"Why did you bring her here?" he questioned, voice soft and hard in the same breath. "You know it is forbidden."

"I didn't," Rosalie mumbled from behind.

He scoured me again, before turning to Rosalie. "What is this, then? How has this even happened?" He threw a sharp gesture in my direction. "There was a time that an elder could rest in peace, our traditions solid in our souls. Now, our barriers are beaten, infiltrated. Our children are dwindling, and we cannot rid ourselves from the plague of your kind!"

Two more figures solidified behind him and his soul seemed strengthened by their approach. He finished by glaring at me again. The look was so sharp, I instinctively took a step back.

Piqued by his hard words and undeterred by the menacing posse, Rosalie narrowed her eyes and moved directly between my unsteady form and their cold, dead eyes.

"What happens to your _children_," she hissed through tight lips, "is no concern of mine. There are larger things afoot, gentlemen, and you'd be wise to let us pass."

Though her body remained completely solid, a low flickering crimson flamed around her. Her hair coiled and swirled with updrafts from her own anger, while the air around us remained still. I was shocked and more frightened of Rosalie at that moment than I had been of the three looming spirits in front of us, but most of all, I was glad she was on my side.

The men remained nonplussed.

"_She _is not allowed, here," one of the others growled after finding nothing better to reply.

"And she will know that now," Rose shot back curtly. "If that is all?"

"That's not _all!_" the third entity erupted and flung his huge body forward and close to Rosalie. He flickered intently, losing control of himself with the outburst. It made me wonder how Rosalie managed to channel her emotions so well and remain so grounded.

"_She _should already know not to come here, or has the training become that lax in Nex?" he snarled.

"Training is not the issue," Rose fired back.

"Then, why does she haunt him?" the man continued, eyes flashing to mine. "How does she invade his dreams?" He was gearing for a full on rant.

"Brother," the first man hushed. "Grant them time to answer."

Everything went deathly silent as they waited. From overhead, lightning flashed but there was no accompanying thunder, as if Mother Nature herself was waiting answers. Answers I had no idea how to give. I was obviously not a mere memory of my former self. I was certainly not a common haunting. And what was that about dreams? I'd been trying to speak with Edward as he slept, but I had no indication any of that had worked.

I was perplexed and the dark clouds churning directly above added directly to my unease. The wind should be screeching, the rain driving through us. We were inside the eye of a hurricane. The world was being torn from its roots around us, yet inside this circle of ancient souls, it was quiet enough to hear a pin drop.

When she spoke, Rosalie's voice was both serene and like a thousand hammers at once. It shattered the fragile calm and soothed the turbulence at once.

"You know she is not haunting inside your lands because she is here. I don't know who's infiltrated your protections, but I have an inkling and this goes way beyond a girl beating at your borders."

The entire circle of souls seemed to weigh her words. The figures still stared with hard eyes, but they seemed more inquisitive than ever.

"We are not a part of your squabbles," the first man finally said. "We have always remained separate from your ways."

"The world we both know hangs in a delicate balance. We don't have time for this bullshit from you, Ephraim. She is a protected soul. She has no training and no ill intent, but if she is found…" Rosalie's sentence carried off.

She was still being so damn vague about everything. If we weren't surrounded by this scary brood, I'm pretty sure I would have lost it right then. As it was I had a hard time keeping my anger from prickling too much. I didn't want to draw her attention to my emotional collapse.

"You know the treaty," the second man spoke again. "We cannot be involved. We cannot offer protection."

"I'm not asking for that," Rosalie's shoulders loosened immediately. "I'm only asking you let us pass so I can do those things."

Then, almost as a side note, she whispered, "None of us want her found."

For a moment, there was nothing. Then, the three men suddenly turned into shining russet orbs and infused themselves back in the encircling spirits. It was like they all came alive in a brilliant and explosive ripple of gold and brown. Rosalie turned to me.

"Now we wait their decision," she said, answering my confusion.

"Rose—" I began, but I was cut off by a low murmuring from the circle.

The original figure reappeared, pulling his self back from the circle. I sensed the mood shifting, but wasn't sure if the excited unease was good or bad.

"We will let you go," he said smoothly.

"Thank you, Ephraim," Rosalie said quietly and grabbed for my arm immediately. The circle was already pulling aside to leave a path out. She started yanking me forward and I clumsily moved to keep close. I was too wary of these people to trust the quick dismissal.

Just as we were about to step outside the circle, Ephraim called out to us and my eyes darted over my shoulder to him. "We expect you at midnight, Rosalie."

She made no indication that she heard, but the man burst into mists and seeped back into the circle. Then, the spirits began swirling and shot upward and were absorbed into the dark storm clouds overhead, unleashing the storm. There was a flash of lightening, a roar of thunder, and the rain bombarded the ground.

I'm not even sure how we made it back to Edward's apartment. It was kind of like I snapped back to reality the moment I saw his huddled mass beneath the blanket on the couch, snoring lightly. Once I felt him safe and sound and exhausted and back where he should be, where I could see him, I was able to think clearly again.

Rosalie gave me the time to collect myself before speaking.

"I know this has been hard on you, Bella. Believe me, I do," she said quietly, forcing me to take my eyes from Edward and put them back on her.

"It hasn't been," I disagreed. "Not until I found somewhere I can't go. Don't get me wrong, all this has been beyond frustrating, but I've really enjoyed my time here…" _with Edward_, I added silently.

"Listen, I know I owe you a huge explanation. You deserve that." She paused and I nodded. I did deserve an explanation for being thrust into this surreal existence when I had been a living, breathing human being a few short weeks ago.

"I just…I just don't know everything…or really _anything_ for that matter."

"Start with what happened to me. My death was deliberate," I said and interrupted her stutter.

Rosalie seemed to sigh, shoulders falling into a defeated slump. She offered her hand this time, a wavering anchor instead of an insistent pull. I easily took it, willing her to believe it was alright to tell me. I could be safer, protect Edward better, if I knew what was coming.

She sighed heavily. "It started long before your death, Bella. It started more than a century ago. Souls disappearing. At first, it was nothing extraordinary, the usual loss of one or two to the Mortuus. That's the reason we can't even determine when it all started or how many have been affected. So many souls get stuck in an echo of their life and are never heard from again.

"Once there was too many missing, we knew we had a problem. But we're still at the same place we were then."

Rosalie's frustration was obvious, and though I wanted to still be angry about knowing nothing, I gave her hand a squeeze. "That's not entirely true. You saved me."

"Have we, though?" she mused mirthlessly. "You are in danger no matter where you are. There's still a chance…"

She stopped herself and turned her eyes to mine, holding my hand a little too tightly. "I'm going to do everything I can to save your soul, Bella. Even if yours is the only one I can save, I'll do it. Emmett, Mike, and I were figuring this out when you were born, but I was out of extensions. I wasn't able to secure a job in Nex."

Rosalie sighed and looked away. "I resented you for a long time," she admitted in a small voice. "I thought you were standing in the way of us finding the truth. It only made it worse that you would never hear me. And then that I couldn't get to you."

Knowing the frustration of going unheard, I was a little ashamed. My eyes darted to the thus far unresponsive man snoring next to us.

"I spent more time back in Nex, working with the others. That's when they went for you. I don't know if they were watching you specifically, or if it was my absence that drew their attention, but I think it had something to do with the Resistance. We think you were a warning."

"A warning?" I wondered aloud. "You mean, whoever it is knows what you're doing."

Rose nodded. "We know who it is, Bella, and yes, he knows we're trying to catch him."

"Who is it?" I whispered, feeling her heavy need for secrecy.

She sat silently for a long time. I could hear an electric ticking from somewhere in the apartment and just as I was about to start pulling my hair out she answered.

"Remember what I told you about the Trinity?"

I nodded. "You mean God is stealing the souls?"

"Not exactly. There is no _god_," she reminded. "There are Aro, Caius, and Marcus. They have ruled Nex for centuries."

"And they're behind all this?"

"At least some of them. I'm not sure how deeply this runs."

"But what does this have to do with the souls in the forest?" I asked.

She dropped my hand and began to slowly pace. Rosalie explained that the men in the clearing were a tribe of ancient souls. The same souls cycled through their ancestors over and over, without outsiders becoming involved. Long ago, an earlier Trinity granted them separation and that led to the barrier I had been fuming over for the past few days. No soul but a Quileute's could penetrate the boundaries and their soul would always come back to it.

But it was possible for the Trinity to access the Quileute's soul in transition, before the guide retrieves it from the hub.

"But, what does that have to do with the Trinity discovering me?" I questioned.

Rosalie's face was paler than normal. Her expression was worn from a thousand memories of countless lost souls. "I've never seen them come after anyone the way they have you," she said quietly, as if just saying it aloud made it real. "I just don't know why that is."

"Maybe they know you're hiding me?" I asked soothingly.

"It's possible, but at this point, we can't be sure." Then, her eyes took on the steely determination they usually bore. "That's why it's imperative you stay hidden. No more treks to tribal lands. I admit the last time was my fault, but I never thought you'd have reason to go…

"In any case, I think you should stick close to home from now on. That means no more accompanying Edward to the graveyard."

"But he's at work for hours," I snapped indignantly. I understood she was trying to hide me from the Trinity, but if it interfered with Edward it might not be worth it. How could I possibly survive eight hours a day away from him? Or possibly longer if he continues spending time on tribal lands? What kept drawing him there, anyway?

"Bella, until we can find a long term solution, you're just going to have to deal with it."

She began to move toward the exit, her movements slow and wearied.

"Why are you leaving?" I stumbled after her. There were still so many questions.

"I have a meeting with the Elders," she said softly. "I need to get Mike. We have to explain this in a way that doesn't draw even more attention to the situation. Something has already infiltrated their border and I think it's looking for you."

She was about to evaporate and seep through the door, but my hand latched to her wavering shoulder and she paused.

"Rosalie, why would it be looking for me there? Somewhere I can't even go?"

She looked like she had more to tell me, but then shrugged her shoulders and melted into her golden mist. I blinked my eyes where she had been standing, not really any more enlightened than I had been before she started. I really felt like she only brought up more questions.

I paced in front of the door for awhile, mulling it all over as Edward slept on restlessly. What was really looking for me? Could it be just a ploy to pull down the resistance? Mike, Emmett and Rosalie all agreed that I was special because I was stupendously stubborn, but how did that make my soul more desirable than any other? I certainly wasn't feeling special. I'd be lost if not for one thing.

Edward snored and turned over on the couch. A long, pale arm fell from his chest, landing with knuckles resting on the carpet. I moved to him, bending low enough to see the dirt still thick beneath his nails. He was the only thing that kept me from feeling completely alone in a world that made no sense.

What was Rosalie still hiding? She knew more than she had told me, especially with regard to the Elders. They seemed particularly interested on why I was there. They didn't seem to care about Rosalie at all. They almost seemed to recognize me.

I shook my head a bit, remembering what Mike had said when he told me of my placement. He said he was putting me back where I'd come from. It was very possible the Elders knew who I had been in life. I even had the vague sense I knew them. And hadn't there been something when I first saw Edward, some unmistakable flicker of recognition? Or had that been my freshly formed connection to him?

Those thoughts sent my mind on a completely different tangent. I was crouched next to the hideous old couch, watching the rise and fall of Edward's chest. His hair was smashed against his head from the tossing and turning on the too small makeshift bed, but it only added to his beauty. He looked almost peaceful, despite the bumps that rose where my icy palm hovered above his pale flesh.

It was a split-second decision, spurred on by idle thoughts of connection. I just dropped my hand a fraction of an inch, enough to settle it above his forearm, not expecting anything at all. Maybe I was hoping for something, but I never thought I'd feel him.

Gasping from the shock, I instinctively pulled away, glowing and pulsing with the strange sensation. It was like reliving my death again. The lightening flooded my body, burning and searing each molecule of my soul. I was on fire, but the flames were anything but painful. I felt _alive_ and my body started glowing with a pale, silver light. I felt raw and consumed and on fire.

I blinked stupidly as Edward flipped back over on the couch, baring his back to me. It was the moment before he started snoring again that I heard it. At first I thought it was nothing, the mumblings of sleep, but I could only fool myself for so long. I knew perfectly well what he'd said.

The flames twisting inside me turned to hope, pure and white and heavenly. As Edward slept on, I allowed myself to feel it. I may not have any answers, but I had something infinitely better. I had the beautiful and sad man on the couch and he just whispered my name.

**A/N: Special thanks to refolin who helped talk me down from the ledge with this one! **

**Remember, reviews are like bits of heaven-bedazzled Edward. Thanks for leaving one! **

**And don't forget to submit stories for the Cougar Revolution and be sure to alert, too!!**


	11. Chapter 10

**First off, nothing Twilight related belongs to me and it's severely stunting my pocketbook!!**

**Second, this chapter just might contain illicit drug use...be warned.**

**Thirdly, I had help getting through this one...thanks refolin for pre-reading so I knew the dream sequence makes some sense (as much as dreams can) and to sophie921 for some awesome back and forth (though no hallucinogenics were unfairly wasted in the writing of this chapter.) **

**And lastly, I do not condone the use of Ouija boards....  
**

**Chapter 10**

**On Edge **

In my dream I was Jacob and _she_ was chasing me. With a clarity only allowed in sleep, I understood this was the dream that had been haunting my estranged friend and I understood why. I had never experienced anything more terrifying, more disturbing than the strange flashing nightmare that stalked my subconscious that night.

She was chasing me, or Jake, or _us_, and her fingers were always grasping at our clothes. She was always just a step behind. But, when I turned, she'd be gone, only the ghosts of misty white fingers turning to blood and dripping to the ground with sickeningly heavy splashes that identified she had been there at all.

Stopping wasn't an option. I couldn't turn and face the nightmare. I couldn't stand my ground, even if she wasn't there. Yet, with each burning step, with every gasping breath, those bloody fingers clawed at my skin, tearing it wide, exposing the vulnerable flesh beneath. And I couldn't move fast enough. Each movement was exaggerated, slow and forced and Bella was always coming, always just a breath behind, waiting to sink her razor teeth in to my overheated and sweating skin.

The background rushed past me, a wild tangle of green on green on black until it was no longer the familiar forests of Forks. It became another place, a dark place where the silence was deafening.

My muscles flamed and burned as I pushed myself, desperately trying to move faster. It was just no use. She was on me, nails digging, clawing deep gashes down my back and forcing me to my knees. Her weight pushed me into the damp earth filling my nostrils with the smell of rain and decay. It was such a vivid scent I could taste the earthiness on my tongue even after I craned my neck to fixate terrified eyes on my attacker.

With dark hair matted with mud and blood, tangled in macabre nest of knots she crouched above me. A smile split the sunken and dark shadows of her face revealing sharp and gleaming teeth. Then, she leaned forward and ran her nose along the throbbing claw-marks on my back. I could hear the sharp intake of breath reminding me of a wine tasting I had been to with my mother years ago. A light pink tongue slipped out and wetted her plump lower lip, staining it a grotesque crimson.

Fear absorbed me as the familiar chocolate eyes rose to mine. Though it had to have been at least two years since I last gazed into them, they were exactly as I remembered, deep, intense, endless. My frantic heartbeat stuttered as we connected, but it was only the woman I knew for a moment longer before the recognizable transformed into something unknown, something only masquerading as Bella. Panic sped back through my weakened and damaged body as the horrible thing undulated and lost shape before my eyes.

"_Who are you?" _it hissed with toxic, heated breath.

My subconscious wanted to answer. It was pleading I tell it my name so this thing would leave me alone, but I bit hard on my tongue. This was no longer Bella. This was something else entirely, even if it was just as recognizable. I had seen it before. It was something I wished I could forget and disregard as misery spurned delusions, but here it was again, inches from my face, black and misty and nothing like the woman that had pursued and slaughtered me.

A low, inhuman growl reverberated from what had been Bella's chest. It rippled through the deep, bleeding gashes and sent waves of agony crashing through my body until my fingers pulsed angrily and tears dripped from eyes that could not look away.

"_Tell me where she is!_" it howled, this time throwing its rage outward like an explosion.

That was the moment I realized it was never Bella. This was the thing hunting her and Jake and now it was going to finish me.

As if deciphering my thoughts through my eyes, fingers that were not really fingers but a solid rush of wind curled around my neck. I was willing myself to wake up, part of me still aware this was a just a dream, _Jake's_ fuckingdream, but not being able to wrench myself from the pain and steadily increasing pressure at my throat. Darkness ebbed into the edges of my sight, clouding the irate and hazy figure as it choked my final breaths. I couldn't fucking wake up. The pain was excruciating. The imagery was solid. This was worse than a nightmare. This was something so dark it was inescapable.

This was something real.

Sensing my weakness, my inability to even try to fight, the beast's grip loosened, allowing my breath to gasp out in a puff of white condensation. To my complete surprise, it began to grow instead of dissipating into the air. A cool, comforting feeling enveloped me as the cloud stretched and reshaped, covering my entire shattered body. Inside the foggy cocoon, I heard murmuring, soft and low reverberating through it and through me. In an exaggerated motion, the monster pulled away as if thrown from my back. Its skeletal expression widened with alarmed disbelief.

The cloud of air had fully encompassed me and the pain from was dulling to an aching throb. It swirled around me, protecting me. The skeletal mist grunted indignantly then opened its mouth wide and howled with all the fury of hell. Its shattering shriek of anger echoed all around me as the monster faded from dark shadow to nothing, leaving only the whispering embrace of my cloud.

I breathed in letting it coat my tongue and mind with divine wonder. My senses were alive, thrumming and crackling in a way they never had before. Still, that odd sense of familiarity hovered in each thought. It was everywhere in me and around me like the lazy embrace of a lover and I wanted more.

The dream shifted.

Bella was in my arms and I was holding her, loving her in a way I had never allowed myself. My lips reverently whispered her name like a soft prayer straight to my angel. Her eyes shone and her bottom lip pushed outward. The expression was apologetic and repentant and left me wondering if she felt what I did when we were so close. The connection between us was fiery, _electric_. She hadto feel it. It melted us, melded us. How could she not?

I'm not sure what prompted me after the years of denial; perhaps that it was my final chance to really tell her. But watching it play through my head again, even if it was through the hazy memory of my dreams, was comforting and terrifying. I knew how this would play out. I didn't want to relive it again. In a lot of ways, this was worse than the nightmare she had saved me from.

I moved forward again purposefully, allowing her the chance to back away before bringing my hand to her neck and pulling her face to mine. I wanted to give her a fragment of my feelings, some kind of gesture to say what a thousand words never could. I wouldn't let myself have a simple goodbye. I was still too much a coward to dare hope for anything more, but, there was no innocence the way her lips felt against me, like they were made to be kissing mine. My rational self was screaming at me to stop, to pull away from the dream. But like in the nightmare, I was unable to coax my mind awake. It had already consumed me.

The passion erupted in a tangling of limbs as Bella's kiss pushed at mine. The struggle, the sensual taste of her mouth on mine after wanting it for so long brought forth the beast inside me. It pushed harder and deeper, desperate to devour and completely unaware that her dainty hands had slipped from my hair and were pushing at my chest. A complete reversal of roles.

When her mouth mumbled my name inside mine, I was finally able to pull away from her. The words were panicked, forced between us, shocking me from my hungry lust. I looked at her, into her dark chocolate eyes, adoring the thick dark frame of lashes and realized what I had done. My expression widened, innocent surprise mixed with absolute grief.

As the hot sting of her palm flashed toward my face, I saw the anger blaze through her eyes and my eyes finally, blessedly snapped wide.

My heart pounded as it had that day. Shuddering breaths wracked through my whole body as I pushed down the emotion. I had been so fucking stupid.

I just stared at my ugly ass couch until my breathing evened. After the night I'd had, I was ready to get on with the day. I lazily rolled, feeling heavy from the restless dreams. It was as I started to sit up that I saw a flicker of motion in my peripheral. It had been happening with increasing frequency, but this time, when I turned my head to the right, I actually saw a hazy white mist. It floated about two feet away from the couch, elevated a few inches from the floor and was completely transparent.

As I blinked, it rippled slightly and disappeared.

Given everything that had happened in the past couple weeks, I accepted it, whatever the hell it was and stood up. If I can accept that I experienced Jacob's dream firsthand, I can certainly accept my apartment was haunted. Not to say there weren't goosebumps rising over my arms, but I was feeling too weary for shock.

I ran my hands through my hair and made my way to the shower, feeling uncomfortable in my own skin and just wanting to get the fuck out of here.

Even though I was running considerably early, Jasper was standing outside the work shed when I arrived less than twenty minutes later. He looked like he was waiting for me.

Without even bothering with pleasantries, he confirmed that was exactly what he was doing. "You haven't called Alice yet," he said with no prelude.

I shrugged and averted my eyes. Honestly, Alice had been the last thing on my mind.

Jasper grimaced a little. "Come on, man. She's talking Ouija and I really don't want to loose that shit at my house again." When I didn't answer, he went on, "Just say you'll call her and I leave it alone."

I looked up and caught his eyes again, trying not to notice the blatant concern there. He nodded. "Well, let's get going. We have to pull up the bushes on the far side of the hill today."

We gathered the tools in silence and walked across the graveyard. It seemed like Jasper was going to let me to my thoughts today, but something he said was weighing on me. As soon as we were working, I asked him.

"What did you mean when you said you didn't want to loose that shit at your house?" I wondered aloud, stopping to lean against the spade. "The Ouija thing," I clarified.

He kept his head bent, blonde hair blocking my view of his face. I didn't think he was going to answer. After what felt like a lifetime, I turned back to my work, accepting that he was actually going to leave it alone.

I was jabbing the sharp side of the spade into the tangled roots of the overgrown bushes when he finally spoke.

"It's okay when I don't have to hear them," he said lowly. "But every time she brings out that damn board, they start knocking and moaning." He groaned loudly. "I mean, I know they're there, but fuck if I need to experience it in my place of sanctuary."

Jasper was ever the one for words, but I knew too well what he meant. I didn't want to have any interaction with them either, especially at home. Whether ghosts or spirits or whatever the fuck you want to call them exist, I was better off not knowing shit. I kept digging in the mud, because I wasn't sure if I even wanted to tell him.

"Anyway, she wants to try and contact your spirit and I don't think she'll take no for an answer." He stopped and looked at me, dragging a weary hand across his forehead. "I think she's planning on trying whether or not you call and I don't think I can deal with the aftermath again."

"What do you mean?"

"Those things open it up, dude. Like, it lets them have a voice, a medium. I don't know if it's because we acknowledge their existence or if it's just the fucking board, but it always stirs shit up. And honestly, I think Alice likes it. She likes knowing that she's not the only one that can hear them."

I chanced a look up, but Jasper was toiling in the dirt again, head down. He sighed loudly and his shoulders slumped forward.

"Well, I hear enough," I told the top of his head. "I don't want to start a conversation with these things. I don't want to let any more of them into my house. I don't want to open a goddamned portal."

He lifted his head enough to meet my eyes with his, then cast a casual shrug as if to say it was my choice even if it wasn't what he wanted. Instead of cementing my thoughts about it, I found myself trying to backtrack.

I took a deep breath to calm my fraying nerves and pinched the bridge of my nose trying to dispel some of the tension building behind my eyes. "I'll call," I ended dumbly and thankfully, Jasper left it at that.

I could sense he was just waiting for the end of the day, but he remained quiet and said no more of my sister or her ability to converse with the paranormal. It wasn't until his back was turned and he was locking the Masterlock on the shed that I took my phone out and dialed the seven digit number. It's funny that my finger shook and I was actually scared to hit the final digit, but I finally did, pulling in a deep breath of air as I waited to hear the call connect.

Her voice was excited and more high-pitched than I had heard in years. "I knew you'd call!"

"You can thank your boyfriend," I told her with only a little aggression evident in my tone.

"Thanks, Jazz," she chirped.

I looked up to see a slow smile crawl across his face as he undoubtedly heard the shrill alto roll from the speaker of the phone. I wasn't using the speaker, but that's just how loud Alice was.

"I'll be at your apartment in an hour," she went on as if I had invited her. "Do you have candles?" I didn't even have the chance to answer before she went on. "That's okay. I'll just bring mine. Don't worry. I'll get everything we'll need."

"Look, Alice," I interrupted when she paused for a breath. "I don't want to make this worse than it already is. I don't even want to know anything about what's following me around. I'm doing this for Jasper so you leave him alone."

"It doesn't matter why you're doing it, Edward," she told me. "It's the fact that you are finally doing _something_. That's what counts."

She listened to my breathing become shallow, then said, "See you in an hour," and the connection went dead.

I shot a look toward Jasper who merely shrugged again.

"Well, we can't keep the woman waiting," he said, walking in the direction of my Volvo.

"I find it extremely suspicious you didn't drive to work today," I accused his retreating form, "almost as if you had this planned."

I hit the unlock button on my key ring and heard the faint click of the locks disengaging. Jasper turned his face toward me as he opened the passenger door.

"Almost," he said with a smirk and slipped inside the car, closing the door behind him. I inhaled three times before getting into the driver's seat, repeating over and over that Jasper reached out when no one had for so long. I turned the key in the ignition, then faced my friend again.

"I'm going to need some major motivation not to freak out," I told him frankly, daring him to disagree.

The smile on Jasper's face only grew. "I suggest you wait for your sister. She'll probably want to join you."

I scoffed when he said it but was completely blown away when Alice pranced into my apartment forty-five minutes later. She took one look at the joint I left on the coffee table and sighed in obvious relief.

"Thank god! I couldn't get my hands on any with such short notice."

She grabbed it and had it lit before I could say four-twenty.

It was strange, seeing my little sister smoking weed as if she was a stoner from way back. I'd never seen her do anything illicit, not even take a drink of alcohol before twenty-one and had too many memories of her lecturing me on the evils of narcotics, even when I didn't give a fuck. It was a bit too much to take in at once.

She let out a huge plume of brown, sweet-smelling smoke and laughed, catching my astonished look. "It helps open our minds," she told me and just tossed the joint in my direction.

I barely got my hands under it, but I did manage to catch it before it hit the carpet and without suffering any burns. Alice was already rummaging in her sack and pulling out bits of randomness and I really couldn't think of a response. Instead, I dragged my hand to my lips and inhaled, holding it until the haziness nudged in around the edges of my mind. A few hits later, I was pleasantly lifted and my apartment looked like a scene right out of nineteenth century séance.

Candles littered every level surface in the entire room, casting it into a flickering manage of soft yellow light and dark and twisting shadows. I was too high to feel uncomfortable, and instead, found myself falling deeper into the couch where I sat and allowed Alice's created ambiance to lull me. In fact, it wasn't until I saw her actually pull the board and a small black velvet satchel from the bottom of her bag that the uneasiness started creeping back.

Jasper was holding the joint in front of my face, but I looked past his out-stretched hand and directed a lazy stare at Alice as she unfolded the board and placed it on the table in front of me. Then, she untied the black cords holding the bag closed and turned it upside down. A heart-shaped, white plastic piece fell into her open hand.

Alice settled onto the floor opposite me and looked me in the eye while she set the pieces on the table. "This is a planchette," she said informatively. "It'll point to the letters or words to answer our questions."

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" I asked warily and cast a sideways glance at Jasper. He remained unmoving and emotionless on the far side of the couch. "I've heard things about these."

"I know what I'm doing," she told me and shot a scowl toward her boyfriend, having correctly assumed he had filled me in on some of the logistics of what we were about to do. "Now come closer."

I leaned forward and I couldn't stop the laugh that bubbled up when I studied the board. It looked like any other Ouija board I had ever seen. The words _yes_ and _no_ were in each of the upper corners and the alphabet was printed in curly lettering with the numbers zero through nine lining the bottom. Beneath that was the word goodbye. What struck me as funny was the Parker Brother's logo printed in the lower left hand side, reminding me that this was just a fucking game even if my life wasn't.

My tension melted away some, but Alice continued looking perturbed. It reminded me too much of the way she looked as a girl when things weren't going according to her plan. She was the only person I had ever met who made plans to make plans and cried when things didn't go right. She had been that way since birth.

I wiped absently at my eyes, glad to have a little relief from the dark emotions I'd been living with for the past few weeks, then looked back at Alice to let her know I was ready and feeling better about everything than I had in fucking ages.

She was careful to control the smile that threatened to spread her lips, but I could see it hovering inside her eyes, familiar as the woman herself. I found myself glad I had her again. I had let us be estranged for far too long.

"Douse the weed," she waved at Jasper who was puffing away on the rolled narcotic and focused on me. "You only need to put one finger on the planchette," she said, "and remember not to lift it off once we start."

"What happens if it slips?"

"Don't let it."

"What if something else comes through?" I pushed, still unsure what I was about to be a part of. Alice was the one into occult and divination, something else that had been with her since birth. I had never been attracted, never had reason to be, before now. I just wasn't sure my interest was piqued enough to open a portal to hell.

"I know what I'm doing," she repeated, soothing my unspoken thoughts and placing her own slim fingers on the smooth white plastic. She looked at me expectantly. I had no choice.

Hopefully appearing more courageous than I felt, I moved slowly and placed two fingers next to Alice's. She let the smile slip over her mouth, but turned her concentration to the board. We sat in silence for a moment, the only sound coming from Jasper edging forward on his end. The dull yellow light from the candles danced on my sister's features, making her heavy lidded eyes dark and depthless. Her long fingernails tickled the edge of my finger on the planchette, but I held steady.

After what felt like an hour of silent tension, she began.

**A/N: So...anyone use a Ouija board before? Bad news, I tell you...bad news...**


	12. Chapter 11

**Twilight characters are not mine. Plot is!**

**To refolin for the preread and ego stroke: a million thanks, bb! And to sophie921: thanks for bouncing ideas my way. To everyone that reads and reviews: enjoy!**

_There is a land where we all go,  
Whence ne'er the frost nor cold wind blow,  
And friends remembered reunite,  
And those who hate, forget their spite,  
In glow surround these gentle beings,  
We call you now to bless our meetings,  
Heaven's promise, our spirits thrive,  
So now for the living, let the dead come alive._

_The Spirit Speaks! Weekly Newspaper, 1901_

**Chapter 11**

**Séance**

"Greetings spirits, come forth and communicate."

The girl's voice was loud, controlled and spoken with an ethereal tone that made her sound like she had one foot in the grave already. I couldn't hide my amusement and even chuckled a bit. The whole poem and eerie vibe she had going on was just too much. But I had to wonder, _could_ I communicate with them through this stupid game?

I had made a small amount of progress with the photo and something definitely happened when I touched Edward last night. But would that be enough? How was I supposed to even start?

I moved closer to Edward, but kept my focus on Alice. She had explained their roles in this game, but I still had no idea of mine. Pulling into human form, I settled myself at the edge of the table between the concentrating siblings and stared at their fingers.

For a long time, the only sound was the flames of the candles' burning wicks. The only movement were the shadows dancing against the walls.

"I don't feel anything," Edward eventually huffed.

Alice shushed him, with a hiss. "Something is here, Edward," she said with closed eyes. "I can feel it with us. Come forward and speak," she addressed the board.

"I'm here," I replied without thinking. "I'm listening."

Nothing happened. Silence descended again. I brought my hands to my hair, tugging on it slightly before hanging my face toward the ground. How in the hell does this work!

"Guide the planchette," came a sudden voice.

I looked up, immediately startled by the smooth tone. Standing in the doorway beyond Jasper's hunched figure was Carlisle. My shoulders dropped as the relief slipped through my lips. Our eyes met: his calm and confident, mine weary and anxious. He had told me he was on my side, working with Emmett and Rosalie in whatever foulness was a foot, but I couldn't really be sure.

"Where are the others?" I asked making my skepticism obvious with my tone and raised eyebrow.

"They are in Nex." Carlisle floated across the room, between the three living beings, raising goosebumps over their flesh as he passed, then through the table, stopping just short of where I knelt.

"Time grows short, Bella," he finished ominously.

Something told me it was better not to ask him what he meant exactly. Something told me to heed his words as warning and that if I was going to be able to speak with Edward, this was it.

Tentatively taking my eyes from the glowing golden aura, I looked back at the plain, heart shaped planchette. Holding my breath, I reached for the small piece of plastic. I was careful to avoid coming into contact with either Alice or Edward. My fingers immediately slipped through the pointer and table and landed in my lap.

Carlisle bent down until he was level with me. He leaned forward. "Concentrate, Bella. You can do this."

I didn't look over at him, though I could see him shimmering on my right. I tried again, moving even slower this time. I could almost feel the smooth plane of the plastic, but again, my hand found nothing of substance. I huffed loudly, reaching out again and again and getting more frustrated with each failed attempt.

"I can't," I finally growled. Angry red waves flashing from my body.

"You're not concentrating," Carlisle soothed. His voice was smooth as glass.

I knew the spikes of irritation were lashing out at him, my entire form was ready to burst part. No matter how hard I tried to contain it, my anger became my undoing time and time again. Instinct told me I was a heartbeat away from completely losing it.

That's when Edward spoke. _To me._

"Whoever…whoever is in this house….could you please come forward?"

It was awkward and hard to spit out. But it was enough. I gasped, each particle of my aura pulling into me as I inhaled sharply. Alice and Jasper stayed silent, but their breathing was ragged, coming in quick pants, then becoming small vaporous clouds where they exhaled.

"See?" Carlisle applauded. "You just need to concentrate. You _want _to speak to Edward."

And I really did. I wanted to communicate with him and to this point I hadn't really done more than make him aware of my presence. I tried one last time, resolve growing as I pushed myself forward. I wanted to talk to Edward. I hadn't wanted anything so badly since I awakened to this afterlife.

This time, my fingers felt the smooth plane of the planchette. I felt it cool and level beneath my fingertips. With slow exaggerated motion, I moved my hands, guiding the pointer to the left corner. The word _yes _was clearly visible through the plastic glass.

The collective intake of air was deafening. Alice seemed to be fighting the urge to say 'I told you so' but allowed Edward to continue when he was ready.

"Who are you?" I didn't miss the way his voice quivered slightly or the way he seemed to be breathing a little too quickly.

"You know me," I said aloud, then shot a wary look at Carlisle.

I had forgotten to mention him to Rosalie. I wasn't sure if he could be trusted. If I said too much to him and he was on the other side, Rose would definitely have my head. I looked away and shifted my glance from the board to Edward again as I contemplated.

Eventually, Carlisle cleared his throat. "I know who you are. I know you are hiding from the Trinity. I don't know how Jane and the others figure into this, so I had you keep quiet last time. But now," he shifted and I couldn't help but turn my eyes to his again. "Now, you're safe and it might be the only chance you get."

I stared at him for a moment, assessing the sincerity I plainly saw radiating from his being. I took three slow breaths. I had to take him on his word, because he was right. Timing was everything and I might not have another opportunity.

I began spelling my name, guiding the pointer slowly over the shiny board. I hesitated on each letter, letting them whisper it beneath their breath before moving to the next. But they waited until I had pointed at all five letters before erupting in a babble of surprise.

"Bella?" Jasper whispered in a breath. His soft drawl was lost beneath Alice's high squeal.

Edward just sat there staring at the planchette, a numb empty sort of look on his face. The other two noticed the expression after a moment, their faces falling into mirrored solemn expressions as the enjoyment dissipated.

"I saw you," Edward said to the board. Whether he felt shock or disappointment, I couldn't tell.

I swallowed hard and pushed the planchette to _yes_. Still, the room stayed silent and Edward ran a trembling hand through his hair.

"And you're here at night?" he prompted again, voice deathly clam.

I didn't have to make a move. The three letter answer was directly under the viewing window. Edward exhaled loudly. Jasper moved off the couch completely and now knelt on the ground next to him. Alice had her eyes closed again.

"Can I ask them a question?" I directed toward Carlisle who answered with a nod.

With no further prompting, I began to drag the planchette all over the board. Alice quickly told Jasper to write down the letters as I paused on them and a few seconds later I was done.

"How do you know me?" Jasper read off the corner of an old Sport Illustrated Edward had flung beneath the table. "What's that supposed to mean?"

The three of them shared a long, meaningful glance. They looked absolutely bewildered by my seemingly benign question.

"It must not be _our _Bella," Alice whispered.

Edward disagreed right away. "No. It _is _her. I saw her in the graveyard. And last night…last night…" He was unable to finish.

But I already knew. Last night I touched him and though I had no way of knowing exactly what he felt, I knew he had recognized me. I began pushing the planchette around the board again, making certain they read off each letter I touched. My confidence was growing and I was able to move it effortlessly.

_I don't know who I am._

Alice shook her head slowly. A tear leaked from her clenched eyelids.

"Are you trapped here? Lost?" Jasper broke through the stifling silence. His voice was shaking, too.

I answered him immediately. Edward's finger nearly slipped off the edge as I pushed the planchette wildly.

_Hiding._

"Not lost, then," Jasper mumbled.

Both of the men had their eyes trained on Alice, looking for answers she did not have and I knew I had given away more than intended. Without knowing Carlisle's true intentions, I had said too much with that one word. He was staring at me, but the emotionless expression was impossible to read.

"Have you finished?" he asked placidly.

I shook my head and stood up. Edward let out a yelp as I moved and my eyes flew back to him. His eyes were suddenly wild and fearful and he was staring directly at me. Slowly, he raised a finger, the board forgotten. Edward's quick movement drew even Alice's concentration away and Jasper seemed more confused than before. But Edward pointed his long, thin finger at me.

"Something's there," he choked out. "I saw something."

Though his fear caused my own panic to bubble, I was somewhat relieved. He was tuning to me now.

"Go to him. He may be able to hear you now," Carlisle prompted me forward.

I held my position, barely daring to turn my head back to the golden and mysterious man behind me. His eyes were too intense, flashing with confidence and brimming with deep intelligence.

"Why are you helping me?" I asked carefully.

He only stared for a moment, until I was ready to look away. In a mannerism closely related to the one I had seen Edward do a hundred times before, Carlisle ran a hand through his hair. It was the only time he showed any nervousness.

"They do know you," he finally answered, then catching the questions before I had a chance to ask, he redirected me again. "There is much you need to know, but for now, try to talk to him, while he's listening."

Taking the word of a soul I did not know, I edged closer to Edward.

"I'm here," I said softly, unsure what I should do.

"Did you hear that?" Edward shouted excitedly. Neither Alice nor Jasper answered, but they shook their heads. "Bella?" he asked, eyes pointed directly at me.

I hovered near him, watching as the cold of my soul caused bumps to rise all over his arms.

"Edward," was all I said back.

This time, all three heard me. Alice and Jasper were on their feet in an instant. Expletives spilled from Jasper's open mouth in a rush and Alice's eyes were now staring, unfocussed, at the exact spot I stood. I couldn't believe it. I had been alone and unheard for so long and was bolstered knowing they heard me. All of them heard me!

Not thinking about what I was doing, I reached out. My hand fell onto Edward's shoulder with the weight of a feather. Warmth and life jumped from his flesh to my soul. My body reacted and began to pulse in time with his elevated heartbeat.

Alice screamed. The effect fell over them like dominoes and they were scrambling backward. Alice sped into Jasper's arms and together, they pushed themselves against the wall, as far away from me as possible. Edward essentially jumped from under my touch and rolled over the back of the couch, landing with a thump and groan on the other side.

Carlisle chucked lightly. He was bent low and with the smallest of breaths, blew out a candle on the coffee table that had fallen over in the commotion. He stood and regarded me with a smile.

Half a minute later, the humans in the room sped for the door and slammed it closed behind them. My natural inclination was to follow, but Carlisle reached out to stop me.

"There's much you want to know and they aren't the ones that can answer," he said, voice still alive with humor.

"I want to know what is going on! I want to know how they know me, but I can't remember them."

"Come," he said and dissolved into his shining aura. "I have much to tell you, but something you must see."

I looked at him skeptically, but gave in. Something about him said I could trust him. I just hoped he was right.

Dusk had fallen some time ago and Carlisle and I made our way inconspicuously through the sleeping town. We moved slowly down the streets of Forks, winding out of reach of the orange glow of the streetlights above. Eventually, Carlisle began to speak.

"Most souls live numerous lives. You have. Edward has. I know you think it despicable to leave him. I do myself, but please don't doubt I love him. I have followed him through a thousand lives, served and guided him a million ways. But I did what I had to do."

This wasn't really what I was expecting, but was irked all over again. He had deserted Edward.

Carlisle sensed my emotions easily, our trails mixing together as we flew up the streets. "I'm trying to explain to you…" I wondered why he stumbled, but he caught himself quickly. "Everything about this, all that has been going on, has a much grander scale than you can imagine. I did what I had to do, because, while this may not be entirely about you and Edward…"

Carlisle sighed loudly, his form shaking slightly. "This is only about you and Edward."

I kept moving with him, digesting his words.

_This is only about you and Edward_.

"The thievery of all the souls, the plunder of life is a great sin, but I have been with him since the beginning and I won't lose him now."

"But, what are you saying? They're targeting Edward, too?" I totally didn't understand.

Carlisle stopped and turned to look at me, pulling back into human form.

"They're targeting anyone who makes connections transcending the veils."

I fumbled into shape, still reeling over what he had revealed. "Then, what about you? Rose?"

Carlisle nodded solemnly. "It is much harder to track those in who've already passed. The connections are more obvious through life."

"So, Edward and I…"

"Have known each other many times," he finished for me.

"And you?"

"I have never taken a body. I have known you both from the beginning."

Whoa. I started shaking my head. Did this even make sense? Maybe not, but did anything anymore?

Then, Carlisle was holding out a hand to me and I was grabbing it. Together, we walked toward the small white house in front of us. He waited patiently for me to pass through the front door first and slipped quietly in behind.

I could hear the sound of mumbled cheers and an announcer rambling on excitedly. Without pausing to see what Carlisle wanted to show me, I began moving toward the sound. To the right was a dark room, only lit by the flickering images on a small television. Stretched out on a recliner was an obviously sleeping figure. Entranced, I moved toward it, listening to the steady and regular breathing and the chest rising and falling.

It wasn't until I was right on top of him that it clicked. The dark curls of hair, gray streaked mustache. I knew immediately.

"Charlie," I choked.

Oh my god, it was my dad. My mind instantly flashed to the vision I had before leaving Nex, of my human body being struck by the burning bolt of lightning. This man had cradled my lifeless form to his chest. He had bent low and wept over the empty vessel where my soul once dwelled.

He'd been right here all along. I truly had come back from where I came. The shock of seeing this man whom I instantly remembered loving drowned out the whirlwind of emotions the séance and Carlisle's story had surfaced. The only thing that existed for a long silent minute was the man sleeping before me.

Carlisle moved closer and laid a firm hand on my shoulder, but I paid him no mind. I only had eyes for Charlie. I could only think of him weeping over my dead body. It rested heavily on my conscience.

"But why did you bring me here?" I finally asked without tearing my gaze away. I was trying to remember something, anything other than the memory of him at my death. I knew was I loved him, so much. Why couldn't I have something happy instead of my death?

"So you would believe."

I turned around. Now, Carlisle's entire being shimmered with a longing sadness. "He has been your father, your brother, your uncle. And you have been his grandmother, his mother. It is the way of your bond."

"But not everyone makes these?" I was so lost and I wish he would stop talking to me in circles. I could handle anything at this point.

He shook his head. "Most forget everything from the last life when they cross the Divide, while others never truly forget."

I looked one last time to my father, Charles David Swan, and said a short, silent goodbye. I didn't think this would be the last time I saw him, especially now I knew he was so close, but it was hard this first time. And I was ready to know everything.

We were walking back toward Edward's apartment and I was quiet for awhile. Carlisle had all the answers I needed. I just didn't want to give him reason not to tell me which made me hesitant to speak.

"I admit I thought you'd have much more to say," he chuckled after awhile.

"I just don't even know where to start," I answered. "What does this mean? What does it mean for Edward?"

"The forces that have taken the souls of others like you are trying to eradicate you from existence."

That doesn't really answer the question. "But why?"

"To change the order, Bella." There was that intense look again. I was reeling from the strength.

Carlisle's voice dropped. "If there is no one to remember, there will be no one to stop it from happening." He stopped walking and grabbed my shoulders with both of his hands. His eyes were fathomless. "They're trying to initiate a complete balance reversal. I'm afraid of the havoc they will create. There are very bad things out there, Bella. Things that should not be allowed to roam freely."

"Are you talking about the Trinity?" He nodded and we were walking again, getting very close to Edward's. I could feel him pulling me. "But how do you know all this?"

He said nothing until we were at the front doors of the complex and he stopped just outside the lights. "Bella, I have always been what I am. I remember everything. I have seen everything. I am old as existence." I knew I was gaping openly, but he didn't care, just pushed on. "I know things, please trust me. I am connected to Edward as you are to Charlie. It transcends space and time and never disappears."

"So, are you just helping me because I've known Edward so many times? I don't understand our part in this."

"Your connections are the strongest I have ever seen. It has been nurtured from the first life and yours is the one the Trinity covets the most. They are already hunting you and there is more you must know, but it is enough for tonight. Edward is back and I suspect you can reach him again while his mind is still open. It'll be harder after he has time to doubt."

I was completely off-kilter. It was so much to take in, so much information to sort. My mind was already wandering and I found myself nodding to Carlisle as he backed away from me, breaking the intensity of his stare, cracking the last of my peace.

"But, I don't know what to do," I murmured as he began to move away.

"Just stay with Edward."

And Carlisle was gone.

I floated in the direction of the apartment, guided by that inexplicable connection to Edward. How deeply did it truly run? What is he to me? In this last life? And most importantly, if we were so connected, why couldn't I remember him the way I instantly did Charlie?

I was more confused than ever and barely discerned as I passed through the seemingly solid barrier and right into the apartment. I didn't even notice that Edward wasn't alone and that he was completely aware of the intruder. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I nearly walked into the thick, black cloud before realizing it was there and growling at Edward.

For his part, Edward looked like he had been awakened from the couch, not by my touch, but by the choking presence looming in the darkness. I blinked once, twice, unsuccessfully trying to flush away the vision as Edward's heart pounded against his chest. My eyes, wide and panicked, flew to him. It lasted less than a second and dread leaped into my throat and I pulsed with the fear swimming through Edward.

Then, I screamed, "Run!"

His eyes caught mine, _seeing _me, and he was gone, scrambling for the door and leaving me alone and afraid with the dark cloud bearing down.

**A/N: So...what did you think? **

**Do you have any spooky, ghosty tales to share? Let me know!**


	13. Chapter 12

**The characters of Twilight belong to SMeyer. ItS belongs to EbJ. **

**Loads of real life since the last update, but know I'm still writing, no matter how long it takes to post. And big internet hugs to refolin for prereading. You validate me... ;)  
**

**Chapter 12**

**Running Scared**

This was turning into a fucking nightmare. I never thought playing with Alice's little board game was going to amount to anything. It was sold to children for entertainment purposes. It wasn't supposed to actually communicate with the dead! But, the planchette moved, revealing what I had already known. Bella was haunting me. It wasn't just a figment of my imagination. She was really fucking there. She was trying to communicate. The most disturbing revelation was that she had no idea who she was. It didn't make sense. How could she be here and not remember? Had I just meant that little to her, despite my own certainty that Bella was the single most important thing in my inconsequential life?

I completely overreacted. I guess that's what you'd call it. But she touched me. By that I mean a _hand_ appeared out of thin air and fell onto my shoulder and fucking _touched _me. I didn't know what the fuck to think. In my defense, both Alice and Jasper freaked out, too. We were down the street before I even had the chance to realize what I was running from. Or, I should say _who._ Bella was right there and I ran away screaming.

Seriously, what the hell was my problem?

I was surprised when the real, human touch on my arm broke through my whirling panic and even more surprised that Jasper was staring at me, his eyes concerned and afraid.

"Are you okay, man?"

Unable to formulate anything close to language, I looked around. We were in front of the little flower shop on Main. The bright lights of Forks Diner spilled out from across the street and bathed the empty corner with a bright white glow of fluorescents. Alice was standing apart from us. She looked like shit. Her eyes were wide, staring at everything and seeing nothing, her thin frame was quivering with silent tremors. I watched her numbly for a minute before my brain slapped me. That was my little sister.

I moved away from Jasper, only seeing my baby sister trembling in fear. A strong hand clutched my wrist as I stepped toward her. When I couldn't pull away, I turned and shot Jasper a panicked look. What the hell was he doing? Couldn't he see that look in her eyes?

"Don't touch her," he warned, face hard and serious. I had to blink a little to comprehend the expression. It wasn't one I had seen him don before. Then, the expression gave way to agony. "She'll come out of it. I told you I hate those fucking things. She gets like this every time. The worst thing you can do right now is touch her."

I shook my head and glanced back at Alice. Her shaking had ebbed to shudders. I had to take Jasper's word for it. It was hard to shake of the desire to wrap my arms around her and cry with her and to just be her goddamn brother for the first time in way too fucking long, but he knew her better.

We stood in the dim light, breathing and watching Alice trying to pull herself out of whatever the hell had taken her. I felt a million different sensations, each pulling my mind in opposing directions. It was so much to take in all at once.

"Every time?" I eventually asked Jasper, mostly because the quiet was deafening.

He sighed loudly. "I told you the board is like a portal, but for Alice, it's so much worse. She just opens herself more than normal and can't close right away. She won't tell me what it's like, but that just means it's pretty fucking bad.

"She's seeing things no one should ever see," he finished in a low, pained voice.

"Shit," I cursed. "What the hell does this fucking mean?"

It was obvious Jasper had no idea, but Alice was the one who answered.

"Something's not right. She shouldn't be here at all." Her voice told us that while she was not an expert, she just _knew_. "That's just not how it works. You're supposed to move on. Hauntings are caused by a soul who has gotten stuck. They have no idea life goes on around them.

"The problem with that is first, Bella had never been in your apartment. Of course, that doesn't discount her being attached to something in your possession." She paused, her eyes flashing back and forth quickly as if pondering something. Then, she was going on. "But more importantly, she was communicating with us. And you seem sure it's Bella." She eyed me for a second.

"Are you _sure_, Edward?"

I nodded. Absolutely. She touched me and there is no way to deny the shiver of fire that had always burned through me when we connected. I didn't think I could explain that to Alice. There were no words to describe how I _knew _it was her.

But, Alice must have seen enough in my expression. "This is not normal, Edward," she went on.

"Why me?" I blurted, thinking about her husband, her _kids_.

Alice face softened and she smiled but it was so sad. She didn't answer, but that smile was enough to catch my voice.

"Well, what can we do?" Jasper piped in and angled himself forward. He reached a hand out and Alice grabbed it immediately. He knew her so well. I don't know why that would cause a burst of pain to stab through my chest.

Alice ignored me, thinking it over. "I don't think I should let Jane know," she finally said and before I could ask, clarified, "my guide."

Jasper was nodding. "Bella said she was hiding. Until we know more, it would be better if we kept everything else out of the loop."

I was getting confused, as neither of them was making sense. Alice, naturally, caught on.

"The others were gone tonight. I was alone and I knew it was now or never. I didn't want interference, you know, and Jane tends to dominate the board when we're at home." Jasper snorted, but she went on, amused herself. "You know, there was a lot of force behind the planchette. I've never felt anything like that."

"Don't change the subject," I growled. "What am I supposed to do?"

"First, let's get some coffee," Alice motioned across the street.

I looked at her in disbelief. "What about Bella?"

"She didn't mean to scare us." Alice smiled and placed her hand around mine. "She'll still be there when you get back."

They followed me back to my apartment an hour later, each of us subdued and weary. We hadn't really come to any conclusions, other than we would do whatever we could. There must be a reason for her being here. We would do anything to keep her safe.

After gathering her things and tossing them unceremoniously into her bag, Alice threw her little arms around my shoulders and squeezed.

"We'll figure this out," she whispered.

Instead of making the tension and worry cease, her words caused it to boil anew. How were we supposed to do that? Something told me this was way beyond what we were capable of handling.

Alice moved to the open doorway and Jasper pulled me into a one armed hug, the manly kind with a firm pat on my back. He didn't say anything, but released me with a dip of his head. It felt good to not be alone anymore. As the door latched behind them, the heaviness was more pressing than ever. I turned and looked tentatively around the apartment. I felt a presence, looking at me, the invisible gaze raising the hair on my neck.

"Hello?" I called into the apartment.

I could hear the refrigerator humming and the clock in the hall ticking, but nothing else. After a moment, I was able to shake through the uneasiness and flopped on to the couch. Exhaustion swirled at the edges of my mind as my eyes stared at the table where the Ouija board had been and I tried to wrap my mind over what I experienced. The fatigue pulled at me like a weight on my eyelids until I let them droop. There were no dreams for the first time in weeks and I relished in the blissful emptiness for an indeterminable amount of time.

Then, something began whispering. It started as a soft purr, penetrating into the emptiness, gradually turning to a loud mumble. There weren't any coherent words, just heavy vowels in a hard tone. At first, my mind was a little annoyed with the interruption. I hadn't slept in what felt like years. I wanted those preciously blank moments to last longer than that.

But the noises continued until it turned to a deep growl and I realized it was snarling my name. I bolted upright and my eyes snapped open. Unblinkingly, I stared into the darkness of the apartment, darting my eyes over every shadowed surface, finding nothing lurking in the darkness.

I nearly flung myself back down, ready to dismiss the sounds as the beginning of a nightmare, when my mouth fell into a silent scream because I knew without a doubt I was not fucking dreaming. There, no less than three feet in front of me was the lurking, roiling black mist. Its ruby eyes were stabbing into me and I couldn't fucking scream, but I'm pretty sure my balls tried to climb into my stomach.

It was that _thing_ from the graveyard, that horrible creature that haunted my dreams and chased me in Jake's. It was the beast that wanted Bella. I couldn't look away as I watched that thing's face form into the scary fucking skull. Its red eyes trapped mine and it fucking_ smiled_. Skeletal fingers rose from the swirling haze and clenched around my shoulder, grinding my bones beneath the pressure. I was on my feet, hair standing on end and still gaping like a fish when she returned. The sound of her voice was the only thing that could tear my eyes from the menacing red orbs.

This time, there was no doubt. It was Bella. With long hair and deep eyes, she shouted, the sound hesitating after leaving her mouth and before I could actually hear it. The soft look of her features was twisted by complete terror as she told me to run.

_Ohshitohshitohshit_

I stumbled all the way down the stairs, my heartbeat echoing as my feet thundered its rhythm. I couldn't get to the bottom fast enough even though, somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I should be protecting Bella. But how could I protect anyone against _that_?

I was on the street and I had no idea what the fuck I was supposed to do. I didn't know what my next step should be or where I could go. Was Bella confined to my house? Should I go back in? Would she find me if I left?

This time my answer didn't come in the form of a voice. It was a simple thought and I knew exactly what I needed to do. I needed somewhere safe, someplace that could barely be associated with me at all. I had to trust that Bella would find me.

I stumbled onto a creaking little stool, shuddering a little at the plume of dust that exploded around me. I couldn't help but be pulled back into the past. This little house had been a huge part of my childhood, even before Bella moved to Forks. I looked around the dark place, able to make out the tattered yellow curtains and the peeling white cupboards. It was saying a lot that it looked worse than it had been when I was fourteen, months after Helen Marie Swan was laid to rest in Forks Cemetery.

With my own grandparents gone, Bella's had surrogated for me. Well, for most of the kids in Forks. She baked cookies daily and had a million cats, without the scary cat-lady vibe and parents approved. It was win-win. She had always been friendly, her home always welcoming until that summer afternoon Bella asked me to go there with her. The charm, the homey feeling was missing when we moved through the house. It was a shell of its former comfort. All traces of Grandma Swan were gone; even the purring felines and it felt heavy, stale. I expected something to jump out and I wanted to fucking cry. Bella's tears never stopped and I was really scared because death made sense to my mind at fourteen and I had never been anywhere more menacing.

It was the last time I stepped foot in this place until now. Still, I was nowhere near as terrified as I had been then. This place could very well be haunted by Helen or something else, but it held nothing as terrifying as that fucking beast that invaded my place. I shivered a little. Anything was better than facing that again.

I flipped my cell phone back and forth between my hands, occasionally pushing a random button to keep the display lit. It cast a comforting glow over the little table.

I snapped out of the trance because I could feel her eyes on me. I wasn't at all surprised to see her sitting across the table in the other shabby chair. I felt more amazement than anything else. She'd followed me after all. The relief was fleeting as I wondered if the other thing had followed us too. Her eyes were still wary and fearful.

But she was right fucking there damn it and I could _see_ her. I wanted to touch her. The flood of emotions consumed me but I didn't know what to do or how to react. I was still hesitating in wonder.

"How is this happening?" I mumbled under my breath.

"I have no idea." Her lips were soft and her eyes were sincere. She smiled at me. "At this point, you guesses are as good as mine."

I weakly returned her smile. I was completely out of my element here, no matter how many times I tried to remind myself this was only Bella. I think that fact made it harder to comprehend.

"Edward, I have to know. What am I to you?"

My jaw dropped. She was completely fucking here answering my questions, asking those of her own. But how did I even answer that? I cleared my throat. There was a reason she was with me. I couldn't be sure I'd find out what that was, but I was too selfish to not want these precious moments with her regardless of circumstance. I had to say something.

"You really don't remember?"

She shook her head.

I only hesitated for a moment, becoming eager by the interaction. "I'm the guy that didn't have the balls to love you."

She blinked twice before laughing softly. Her soft gray eyes twinkled from some inner light. "What does that even mean?"

My hand ran through my hair, tugging hard enough to ensure this was not a dream. I didn't even know what I meant other than that's how I fucking felt since she…since…

"I've known you since we were kids," I finally told her keeping my eyes on my knees before raising them and reassuring myself she was still really sitting across from me. "When you came to live with your dad."

"Charlie," she sighed heavily and I nodded. If she remembered aspects of her life, she might eventually remember my role in it, no matter how insignificant it may have been.

"How is this happening?" I wondered again.

A sad smile appeared on her lips and her eyes sparked again. It felt like she was trying to see my soul and I wasn't sure if she would like what she saw. "Everyone I know is in danger."

"Charlie?" I asked. Bella nodded.

This shit was so weird. She knew about Charlie. Did that mean she also knew that thing was after her husband, possibly her children as well? Why couldn't I open my fucking mouth and say something? If I could spark other memories, why was I holding back?

"Do you know why?" I asked instead.

This time she shook her head. The waves of her dark hair swished against her shoulders and her eyes melted through me again. "Evidently there's this connection thing." Her voice carried off into a whisper. "You weren't even supposed to hear me."

"But I do," I said quietly. "And I saw you at the cemetery that day."

She nodded. "I still don't understand it, Edward. They told me you'd already been bonded, that you wouldn't feel me or sense me at all. I had no idea that you would recognize me. I didn't know I'd end up where I lived my life."

"Yeah, seems like there could be better hiding spots out there," I agreed, "but I'm glad you came here. I didn't have a chance to say goodbye."

She sat silently for a moment, looking at me with intensity. "Don't say it now," she pleaded.

"I never want to say goodbye," I reassured. "There was just so much left unsaid between us. There was so much more I could have done." My fingers were pulling at my hair again. "I didn't ever want to lose you. I'd take you in whatever way I could."

"What was I to you?" She asked again. This time, her gaze was burning into mine like she would see the half-truths I wanted to throw at her. Was it really so hard to admit the truth, to admit that I loved her?

"You've always been special to me," I finally answered. She continued to scrutinize me with her otherworldly stare, assessing my words. I hadn't lied. It was just nowhere near the entire truth.

"But you speak like…like I broke your heart."

"Bella," I cooed softly. "Please. The only one that broke me was me. You were nothing but kind and beautiful and loving. It was time that ruined it" _and my complete lack of manhood _"and there wasn't enough of it to repair the damage.

"Do you think that's why you're back?" I voiced the thought that had been floating in my mind for awhile.

"This isn't about us." She looked sad to admit it. I tried to pretend my heart wasn't cracking back into pieces. "Not entirely, anyway. We're just pawns in some greater game." Bella's eyes held mine. She tried to convey a thousand thoughts through our connected gazes. I felt the strength of them but couldn't discern one from another. "Someone is stealing souls."

"Stealing souls? What does that mean?"

"I really don't understand it, Edward. I only know what I've been told, which is next to nothing." She looked at me helplessly. "I do know something tried to get me and I don't want anyone else to get hurt. I don't want you to end up like I did."

I blinked at Bella, processing her softly spoken words. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "You mean… you were _murdered_?"

She was silent long enough to give me my answer. "I've relieved it," she finally whispered, sorrow steeping her voice. "I saw what happened…Charlie…I just don't know why me…why all this..." Her body trembled a little.

Reflexively, my arm reached out to offer comfort as I always would have, but it slid right through her hand resting on the surface of the table. Her fingers wavered, like heat rising from a hot summer sidewalk. A shiver spread through me as I wondered why she had been able to touch me earlier. I expected to meet with warm flesh and instead, there was nothing.

She met my wide eyes with a steady gaze. "I'm sorry."

"You don't need to -"

She cut me off determinedly. "No. You shouldn't have this to worry about. I'm sorry that you have been involved with this."

I couldn't stop the eye roll. My life had been shit for years. It didn't even matter. What mattered was I could see her again, speak to her, when I never thought I would. I didn't tell her that, though.

"I finally feel like I have a reason to do something. I've been wallowing in my own shit for long enough. Trust me. There's nothing that makes more sense than helping you, no matter the costs."

I felt like I had lost my soul years ago when I rejected the thing it wanted the most. I meant what I told her. I would risk everything if it meant Bella would be safe.

The sad look was back, drawing the corners of her lips downward. "I don't know who I was, but I know I'm not the same person you knew."

"You may not remember, but you _are_ the same. I see it in every look, every smile. You are _my_ Bella."

She stared at me for a moment and I wondered what it was she was trying to see.

"You should probably get some rest," she sighed eventually. "I need some time to figure this out, but I we're not out of the woods yet, not by a long shot."

"What about you?" I asked her.

Her soft, familiar smile was on her lips. "I don't sleep and even if I did, I'm way too wired to think about it right now."

I grinned back, thinking exactly the same thing. I didn't want this to end yet. I was terrified that I'd wake to find this was all some sick dream and I wasn't willing to give up these moments with her, real or imagined. I had given up too much already. I didn't want to give up anything else in regard to Bella.

That's why I was surprised when I opened my eyes late in the afternoon and found myself staring at the dingy yellowed ceiling of one of the bedrooms. I didn't remember scaling the treacherous stairs to find it and most certainly hadn't expected to be able to sleep with all the creepy shit I'd been through yesterday. But when I awoke and blinked groggily up at the soft light of the afternoon sun, I knew two things were certain. I hadn't slept that well in fucking weeks. And I was absolutely alone in the house.

With a groan and a halfhearted heave, I rolled myself over and sat up. It was a new day and I found myself opening eyes to an entirely new world. Suddenly, there was another side to everything, a darker side, a lighter side.

I was utterly amazed and so fucking screwed.

**A/N: So...I totally have a ghost in my house. I thought I was crazy until the two year old saw it. I no longer think the shadows are a figment of my imagination...**


	14. Chapter 13

**Characters: Not mine. Plot: is.**

**Yes, yes, long time no hear, right? Truth is, RL's been a real bitch. Combine that with the worst case of plot-block ever, and I have failed to do any writing for the last several months. Alas, a new year means a new perspective and a whole new mindset. I'm back to where I need to be, so keep your fingers crossed that it sticks. I don't plan on abandoning any of my WIPs, so bear with me and we can get through this together. And now to catch you back up a little since its been months...**

**Something or someone is hunting souls and they've tried to take Bella's. Luckily, Rosalie gets to her first. ****While Bella becomes accustomed to afterlife, ****Edward is mourning the loss of the woman he loves. It might have been easier to get over her if she didn't come back and haunt him. With the help of his estranged sister and old friend, Jasper, Edward is able to make contact with Bella through a Ouija board, but all does not go according to plan. The inexplicable contact causes Edward, Jasper and Alice to flee his apartment and allows something else to come inside. **

**Big thanks to refolin and duramater for all their amazing support even when there's nowhere to place it.  
**

**Chapter 13**

**An****swers**

Everything had happened so quickly. That thing, that deadly, haunting _thing _was in his apartment. Luckily, Edward heard me scream that he run and left the door hanging wide. Suddenly, Emmett materialized out of nowhere with Rosalie next to him. Together, they stepped in front of me, cutting the growling demon from my view.

"You!" it hissed at them.

Instead of backing down, Rose and Em seemed to straighten, pull tighter together.

"Yes," Rose spit back harshly.

"_She's mine_!" it howled back, voice hard and menacing. "_Mine_!"

Emmett lunged forward. His aura exploded a violent, angry crimson as he met the black mist. The two entities mixed and rolled together, until they were muddied and it was impossible to tell where Emmett ended and the evil began. I gaped, horrified at the violent struggle. It thundered and crackled and I desperately wished I could do something. Rosalie was tugging on my elbow, trying to get me to retreat out the door, but I was at a standstill, too engrossed in the raw forces clashing in the living room of Edward's apartment. We couldn't leave Emmett.

"Bella, we have to go. Now!" She shouted over the roaring commotion across the room. "Please, he'll be okay. We have to hurry. You need to find Edward. It isn't safe for him alone."

Hearing Edward's name finally made me to turn my eyes. Furiously, I whipped my head in her direction. "Why should I listen to you?" I snarled. "You said I'd be safe, that _Edward _would be safe and we weren't. Why should I listen to anything you have to say?"

"Please Bella, please," she tugged harder at my arm. "You have to come. I deserve your anger, but now is not the time. Emmett is only holding it back. He won't last much longer."

As if in agreement to her statement, the swirling mists behind me growled loudly, shaking the entire apartment. A picture fell off the wall, its glass cracking into a spiderweb as it hit the ground. I really didn't have another choice, so I reluctantly let Rosalie hurry me from the apartment as it quaked behind us.

We were well away from the fight before I dug in my heels and stopped on the spot. "You owe me an explanation and I won't go any farther until I get it."

"Bella, please. This isn't the time." She yanked on my sleeve, but I refused to budge.

"It's never the right time for you, Rosalie, but I'm not going anywhere with you until you tell me what the hell is happening!"

She sighed and dropped her hand dejectedly. "I don't know what to say."

"Hmm, how about, 'Gee, Bella, sorry for not telling you shit about where you're going or where you lived. I'm just going to dump a bunch of unbelievable crap on you and pretty much leave you to your own defenses.' How about something like that?"

"I didn't know how to tell you. You shouldn't remember any of it, so I thought you'd be okay. There weren't other options."

I was somewhere near hysterical. "So, ignorance is bliss, right? Do you know what I've been through today? I just met my _father_!"

Rose's eyes rounded. "I don't believe it."

"Believe it. _And _I recognized him immediately from my memory. Why didn't you tell me he was so close? You knew all along, Rose. You _knew_. Did you know about the connection to him, too?"

"Connection? Wait, Bella, slow down. Who's connection? When did we start talking about Edward?"

This included Edward, but that detail was still only for me, at least, for now. I was talking about Charlie.

"Carlisle told me I've always had a special bond with my dad. We are always connected in life. That's the reason I still remember him. And that's the reason they are hunting me."

Rose took a moment to absorb what I had learned before saying, "And it was Carlisle who told you this?"

I nodded and told her that Carlisle was an Elemental. She recognized the term right away, but seemed genuinely shocked. "I knew Carlisle, of course, but I had no idea." She sounded half awed half horrified.

"But that doesn't mean you should trust him, Bella. In fact, this just means you need to be more cautious. There aren't many other Elementals for a reason. Living forever has its costs and eventually most give into reincarnation. Sometimes they meet a far worse end. Please be careful with Carlisle until we can figure out his motives."

"I know his motives!" I shouted back. "He wants to protect Edward. What else is there?"

"He didn't seem very protective when I knew Edward. In fact, he wasn't around at all for a long time. I wouldn't be surprised if it were all some plot, Bella. Why else would an Elemental choose to guide a human? It doesn't happen."

"Just because it doesn't now, doesn't mean it didn't then. It's obvious that some connections transcend the veil, Rosalie. Just look at me."

And Rosalie did look. She looked hard, past my anger and saw how deeply I believed my words. She had no other choice but to accept what I was telling her. She might still think something else was going on, but I was proof of transcendental connections. I could see the possibilities aligning in her mind.

"It makes sense and doesn't," she said finally. "If this was to separate souls why not take Charlie at the same time? You were together on that golf course."

I conceded on that, but still didn't want to reveal too much about Edward and the true nature of why I had been targeted. "If there is no one to remember, then anything can be changed."

Rose absorbed my meaning. I could see a thousand questions light in her eyes, but I had no more answers for her, especially not tonight. With my irritation still running high, I wanted nothing more than to get back into the calming presence of Edward once more. "I can't do any more today, Rosalie. I need some time to myself."

"You don't have to trust me, but you'll be safe for a few hours, at least," she told me reassuringly. "It will take some time to recover from the fight with Emmett. I'll be back in a few hours, though. It's too dangerous to leave you alone for too long. Maybe I can arrange a transfer?"

"No," I practically shouted. "No transfers. I want to stay with Edward. He needs me."

Rose nodded, tiredly. "I'll be back, then."

I turned to go, feeling unsure of my conflicting emotions when she reached out and grabbed me before I could move away.

"For what it's worth," clear eyes searched mine, "I never meant to hurt you."

Talking with Rosalie had added to my growing confusion, but I was able to sense Edward and followed the tug in center that led me to him. There was something about the house, something recognizable that I couldn't place. Just add it to the growing list of familiarities I couldn't remember. But I could sense that this was where Edward was hiding and I didn't hesitate to go inside.

Right away I knew he wasn't alone. Panic gripped me again, I rushed inside thinking I'd find him cornered by the black mist. It had to have found us!

I was a little surprised to find Edward pacing around the main floor and the other entity in the attic. It was nothing more than a fuzzy, shadow flickering and moving at an exaggerated speed. There was nothing to discern the sex, but after I called hello a couple of times and it never changed its jerking repetitions, I realized I was looking at an Animus Mortuus. I shuddered a little. In Nex, they had been frightening, grouped and clambering around in the streets. But here I could see how harmless, how torn they really were. Even as I exited the attic unnoticed, I hoped I would never have to endure such a fate.

I think the barely contained anger with Rosalie fueled the energy I needed to make contact with Edward but there was no way to prepare for the drain that it caused. The moment he shuffled to the upper floor, eyes barely open and still half asleep, I faded out of awareness. Every bit of energy I had dissipated at the same instant and I was reduced to nothing. My mind swirled in circles, going over everything he had said: what he'd admitted, what he hadn't.

It was hours later before I became aware of something else around me, but I felt like I was back in the transition chamber again: aware and uncaring. I just wanted to melt away for a little while longer. There was no energy left to try to do anything else.

Then, I felt a sting, a jolt of electricity shoot over me. The humming pushed forward until it engulfed me and I hummed in quick, synchronized pulses. When my thinking cleared, I pulled myself together using the borrowed energy to hold me like glue.

I blinked and was staring at Carlisle. He was smiling broadly even though sending me all the extra energy had to have exhausted him. "You did it. You talked to Edward, didn't you?"

"You could tell?" I mumbled as I patted my body making sure everything had aligned just right. I was still feeling slightly disoriented.

Carlisle chuckled. "It's about the only thing that will strip so much energy. Come," he gently grabbed my hand, "I know it's been a rough night, but we have more to discuss."

I followed when he led out of the little house and into the cool night. There was an old porch swing that probably wouldn't support the weight of a human any longer, but I didn't have to worry and dropped into it heavily. With a little effort, I started swinging. The rusted chains protested with a squeal each time I pushed off and it was the only sound in the frosty night. Carlisle waited until I was situated before clearing his throat to draw my attention again. Enjoying the momentary stillness around me, I was a little reluctant. It had been a hard night and I wasn't ready to give up any peace. Whatever Carlisle was going to say was already making the air around us tense and I finally had to look.

"I knew they would come after you," he said softly. I could see the struggle in his eyes. He wanted to look away, but needed me to see the sincerity of his words. "I knew and I knowingly severed my connection with Edward. I thought without my prompting he would…do just as he did.

"He didn't have enough confidence, so he pulled away. I thought the connection between the two of you could go unnoticed this life." Now his voice turned pleading. "They were getting closer. I couldn't let them have either of you. With your guide gone all the time, I thought I saw an opportunity. She should have influenced you to be with Edward, but wasn't around to do it. It made separating you easy."

Carlisle finally looked away. "It hurt too much to watch his descent, so I stayed away until well after Edward wasted his life." Regret soured his sweet tone. "Afterward, it was impossible to see him like that, knowing you were still so close, but it was even more impossible to try to leave again. I'd given up so many years with him already. You _should _have been safe from all this, but you weren't. They got to you right after I returned."

That struck a chord with me. "Wait, _after _you got back? Carlisle, it wasn't you, was it? I mean, who took me to transition?"

He smiled sadly. "It was the least I could do. I failed you both on so many levels. I wouldn't let them destroy your soul, Bella. For Edward's sake, I couldn't let it happen."

Compassion ran through me and I reached out, placing a hand softly on his arm. "You did what you thought was best. How could you know they'd find us anyway? What happened to me isn't your fault."

"Maybe that's true, but what happened to Edward is. I left him to despair and he couldn't do it alone. I think," he choked on his next words, but plowed on as if to purge the entire weight of his guilt, "I think we had been both been with him for so long that when he lost us, it was too much."

"You thought you were doing right," I soothed. "Please don't blame yourself." I knew there wasn't really anything I could do to change Carlisle's mind about it right now, but maybe Edward would be able to one day. Right then, I needed more answers. There was still so much left in the puzzle. I didn't want him to think I was glossing over something that was obviously very heavy on his mind, but I had to know more.

"So, if Edward let me go, what happened to me? And don't put me off or tell me I shouldn't know, because I honestly don't care. I _want _to know and damn the consequences. Help me remember more, Carlisle. Please."

He sighed gravely and looked at me with speculative eyes. "You were made for each other, you and Edward, and you married his best friend."

My knees went weak and I let them dissolve to keep me from falling over. That was not what I was expecting. It was obvious I had strong feelings for Edward. I could feel the echoes of them the first time I saw him. How could I have married his best friend? How could I ever choose anyone over Edward? Out of all the nonsensical things that I had endured and wondered over since dying, this had to be the top. I just couldn't believe it.

But there was no denying Carlisle's next words. "You have two children, Bella. Boys. You lived on Quileute lands with Jacob Black and raised a family while your soul mate watched."

"Are you accusing me of something?" I asked suddenly piqued.

"No, of course not. I just feel it from Edward's point of view. Remember I have seen you two come together since the beginning of time. What happened in this life was unnatural and Edward's mind rebelled against the separation. I'm sure you suffered over it as well, despite having moved on, but Bella, the man you see when you see Edward is not who he is. That is a shell, a broken fragment of his possibility. I'm ashamed I failed to help him live up to his full potential."

Instead of repeating myself and admonish him again, I let my eyes slip away. "So, who's behind this, Carlisle? You know, don't you?"

"I do and it's not that I don't trust you, but how much do you really know about Rosalie, about Mike or Emmett? I've known them much longer than you but I still don't know if I can trust them."

I was about to protest, but he plowed forward. "Did you know Rosalie and Mike met with the Quileute spirit Elders recently? Did you know the Elders banned you from forever entering their lands even though as the deceased wife of the next chief and mother to future generations, you should be at liberty to cross their boundaries? Don't you find it odd?"

I thought back to the day I had beaten against an invisible barrier trying to get to Edward. It was too easy to recall the threatening circle of spirits that we encountered as Rosalie pulled me away. The Quileute Elders had trapped us and she had promised to meet them at midnight with Mike. Could she have said something to make it impossible for me to ever glimpse my widower and my children? _Would _she do something like that? At this point, I wasn't sure what Rosalie was capable of doing if it ended the way she wanted.

But Emmett? Emmett just saved my life.

Sensing my train of thought, Carlisle went on, carefully choosing his words. "I have seen much in my existence and I remember everything. Mistakes happen when you get careless and they are too close to Edward to risk anything. The only thing you have to understand is that for me, this is about saving him. And I will, Bella."

I only hesitated for a moment before telling him I believed him. Carlisle would do everything he could for Edward. We were alike in that, so I put my faith in the Elemental.

"You can do me a favor, though," he added as an afterthought.

"Anything."

"Stay by Edward, but come if I need you." He smiled again. This one was still small, but not as weary as it had been. His confidence was rising and with it, Carlisle faded away into nothing.

The sky was growing lighter in the East, turning the blackness of night to a deep blue. I couldn't make myself move. The pressure of everything I'd found out in the last twenty-four hours kept me in the gloomy haze of morning. I was in shock. What else could happen?

Just then, a tall man with golden hair a shade lighter than Rosalie's appeared next to the old porch swing. I'd always remember the face even if I knew it was just a disguise. His skin was the same gray pallor I remembered and he was dressed in the same dark set of robes. Familiar beady eyes now darted around the half-dawn, before he finally fixed them to me.

"I finally found you. Hurry, we have to get to Nex right away. Things aren't safe for any of us."

I was on my feet in an instant, looking down slightly at the little man. "What are you talking about? What's happened?"

"War, Bella. I have to get you back. Please, I wasted too much time already."

I studied him cautiously, then proceeded to make what would be the worst mistake of my undead life. I threw Carlisle's warnings out the window and let him grab the palm of my hand. There was an immediate tug in the pit of my stomach and the next thing I knew, I shattered.

At first, I was too disorientated weak to comprehend what happened. I shook my head slowly to dispel as much of the haze as I could before opening my eyes. Then, I wished I hadn't because it all became clear.

The room was too small, built of overlaying blocks of dark stone. The air was stale and dank and tasted of decay. My senses groaned in protest, but I forced myself to trace every line of the cell. It wasn't big enough to stand up or to lie down and obviously made to keep a prisoner trapped in the spectral state. The tiny box had no door, no tiny gaps between the stones, nothing that would allow escape.

I screamed, but didn't expect an answer. Wishing I had trusted my first instincts, I already knew this had been a set up. I'd been imprisoned in Nex and most importantly, broken a promise to Carlisle. I'd left Edward unprotected with no way to get back to him and no help to be found.

I screamed again, knowing it was useless, knowing I was completely alone.

Fifteen miles away, a man sat on a beach surrounded by a circle of his ancestors that he couldn't see.

"Have we done the right thing, Ephraim?" One of the figures asked.

"What would you have done differently? She has caused him so much trouble since the beginning."

"And look how he suffers still," another Elder pointed out.

They focused on the man. They had not been ignorant of the changes even though they had yet to validate them. His dead wife hadn't been able to reenter Quileute lands, but something else had. It was haunting their young chief, mentally tormenting him.

"Maybe that is why," the first figure said. "He senses her soul is not at rest. Something much darker has taken her place in his dreams. Maybe that is why he is losing himself."

Some Elders agreed with her. Most mumbled low rejections under their breath. Many could care less about her fate as long as Jacob and the children were safe. Wards were set and extra protection implemented for the children who had, thus far, remained untouched. For their father, however, it had been too late. His mind had already been strained to the breaking point and if the Elders didn't figure out what had infiltrated their defenses, he would undoubtedly slip over the edge.

Jacob stood slowly, eyes closed and face blank despite the icy ocean spray. For a moment it looked like he would throw himself into the colliding water and land thirty feet below. But slowly, he hung his head, heavy atop drooping shoulders and turned from the cliff.

The Elders watched as he walked from First Beach a man defeated. They hadn't disregarded everything the woman Guide had told them, but they trusted no outsiders. They would protect their own, in spite of her dire predictions. They only worried it was too late to even try.

**A/N: I still like reviews...**


	15. Chapter 14

**I tried to think of a hundred different excuses for almost an entire year of epic ItS update fail, but truth is, there is no excuse. This chapter simply kicked my ass. It's been rewritten no less than a dozen times and quite frankly I haven't been entirely satisfied with any of the drafts, but this is the one I settled on. The next chapter, you will be pleased to hear, is going much better. I should have it out in a fraction of the time, but no promises, because as much time as I sat staring at this chapter, willing myself the write the goddanged thing, I really hadn't realized that a year had gone by. So it goes, my fellow tri-hards...For that, my humblest apologies! **

**All things Twilight related belong to SM. :( But my twi-gasmic pre-reader refolin belongs to me. ****(She got Jacob out of bed and on to the floor.)**** :) :)  
**

**Recap:  
**_Last we saw Edward Cullen a dark mist awakens him from a dream. It's found him! Thankfully, Bella appears and urges him to run someplace safe.__ Edward takes refuge in an abandoned house belonging to the late Helen Swan. Bella comes to him. He is able to speak to her, touch her. He finds out she was murdered, and anyone could be next.  
_

**Chapter 14**

**-Nightmare**

It was the same dream. Bella was in my arms and I was holding her, loving her, lips reverently whispering her name like a prayer. Her eyes shone and her bottom lip pushed outward. The expression was apologetic and repentant and left me wondering if she felt what I did when we were so close. This connection between us was electric, _alive_.

I inched forward purposefully and brought my hand to her neck. I wanted to give her a fragment of my feelings, some kind of gesture to say what a thousand words never could. I wouldn't let myself just say goodbye. I couldn't have it so simple. It was a moment I'd been waiting for my whole miserable life and I was too captivated. I knew it was wrong, but there was no virtue in that kiss. And if that was sin, the Devil can have me.

Passion erupted with a tangle of limbs as Bella's lips pushed at mine. The struggle, the sensual taste of her mouth on mine after wanting it for so long brought out the beast inside me. I pushed harder and deeper, desperate to devour and completely unaware that her dainty hands had slipped from my hair and were pushing hard at my chest.

When she mumbled my name, I was finally able to pull away. The word was panicked, forced between us and shocked me from my hungry lust. I looked at her, into her dark chocolate eyes, adoring the thick dark frame of lashes and realized what I had done. My expression widened, innocent surprise mixed with sweeping shame.

I wasn't sure what I was expecting. I hadn't seen her in almost two years. Then, out of nowhere, I leave school to come to her. To find out she's getting married to our best friend. What _was _I hoping to accomplish? Was I expecting her to jump out of his arms and into mine? Was I expecting her to love me too and have a happily ever after?

I guess I was. I guess that's what I expected all along.

"How dare you come here with that, Edward? What are you thinking?"

What I hadn't expected was the slap of her palm against my cheek or the fire burning in her eyes. I hadn't anticipated the vehemence as she hissed, "Its waaay too late for this." She let that sink in making sure I fucking got it. And I did. I fucking got it. I was defeated.

The smell of strawberry shampoo invaded my senses and she was next to me again. "Look at me, Edward." I had to. Pity was easier to face than ire, but I was relieved to see her eyes back to the same placid brown I've known so well. "Jake and I have been together since high school," she said softly. "If you had a problem with it you should have made an effort to let me know back then." Did it sound like she wished I had? I opened my mouth to respond, but she didn't let me. "Is this because I'm getting married? Edward, it won't change anything. Even with how weird things have been for the last couple years, nothing will ever change between us. You know that, right?"

Yeah, I knew it now better than ever. I was stuck forever in the friend zone with Bella when she had always been so much more than that to me. I wished I could disappear. I hoped the world would open up and swallow me. "Yeah…" I muttered stupidly. "I just got caught up for a minute. I know we're good."

She smiled prettily and wrapped her arms around my neck. I gathered her in, cursing the folds of extra fabric that prevented me from letting her too close, and I buried my face in the veil. "You love him, Bells?" I whispered, half hoping she wouldn't hear me at all.

"He's good for me," she answered back softly.

That didn't answer my question, so like the dumbass I'd thus far proved myself to be, I insisted, "Do you_ love _him?"

Bella didn't have the chance to answer me. Suddenly, a large shadow was looming in the doorway of the bridal suite. He didn't bother to ask what was going on, but maybe he'd heard enough to know. With two short strides, Jake was bearing down, angry and vicious. Then he hit me.

I awoke blinking at the ceiling in Grandma Swan's old bedroom. The same pain and loss I felt all those years ago was raw again. Different than the raw misery of Bella's death, this hurt was a familiar throb. Even when I finally admitted that I'd never be happy without her, it'd been too fucking late. She'd already set me aside. Both she and Jake moved forward into a new stage of life where I couldn't follow. It was that abandonment that led to my complete self-annihilation, despite it really being me who ended contact with fucking reality. It was that absolute emptiness that wakened me.

Dust motes floated lazily in the golden morning sun and I felt utterly desolate. Just as I had when I awakened on their wedding day, ears still ringing, eye swollen shut, and found out they were husband and wife. I slipped easily back into the same emotional black hole I'd been for the past seven fucking years. My phone rang and I did not answer. It chirped and alerted at unresponsive ears. I was waiting for Bella, but I could feel it. I just laid on top the dingy mattress where Bella left me, knowing deep down to my fucking core that if she hadn't come back by now that she _wasn't_ coming back. I couldn't fathom the implications, the _finality_.

Then, Jake was in the doorway of Grandma Swan's bedroom. For a moment, I thought I was still dreaming. I must be; he was the last person I thought I'd see here. Then, I wouldn't have dreamed him so wrecked. "I'm leaving," he said, forgoing salutations and throwing his heavy body on the floor next to the bed. "I'm a fucking failure and I can't do it anymore."

I mumbled something back because I didn't want to get started on the subject of failure. Jake either didn't notice or didn't care. He pressed on. "Sue will help Dad take care of the boys. And Leah's really stepped into their lives. She's as good a mother they'll get with Bella gone."

I tilted my head in his direction and opened an eye as my daze started to clear. God, I had never been more wrong about anything in my life. I thought Jake would make it through this shit. He was the strong one. It had always been that way. But now, he looked half gone. His forehead was prematurely creased and the once bronze skin looked pale and yellowed. What the hell was happening to him?

"I just can't do it," he repeated. The man was fucking _defeated _and it pissed me off.

"So what are going to do? You're going to leave your kids with nothing? They just lost their mother, for Christsakes! Now you want to take away the only thing they have left? How can you even consider this an option? They need you, you stupid fuck! You're their _father._"

I stopped myself. My hard breaths were the only thing I could hear over the pounding of my heart. I wanted him to react, to do anything that showed he understood how wrong this was. Those were Bella's kids, goddamnit, and I'd be fucked if I was going to let him be so selfish. He made no move until my breathing evened and I relaxed back into the mattress, staring at the shadows creeping across the ceiling.

"It's torturing me," he whispered. "I can't sleep. I can't eat. It's like its devouring my mind. I won'tsurvive this much longer and they shouldn't have to watch me die."

I thought about my oldest friend, the man who married the woman I loved. I had seen his dreams. They were horrifying. What were they doing to him? Were they so terrifying that he was losing his mind? Looking at those dark ringed eyes and drawn gray skin, the answer was obvious: _yes_.

I sat up all the way, my thoughts clicking into place. I was going to tell him everything. I _had _to. It might push him all the way over the edge, but fuck it. Jake was as much a part of this as me. He deserved to know. "You can't give up." I waited for him to open his eyes and acknowledge my words. When they opened, they were dull, lifeless, but I held back my unease. Now that I started, this had to be said. "Bella's still out there and she'd want you to fight. She hasn't given up and you can't either. I won't let you."

We stared at each other. Jake was trying to make sense of what I said and I was just trying to hold onto the tears that were threatening to blind me and weaken the impact of my declaration. Above all else, Bella's kids had to survive this. It was the only thing that made sense. I wasn't going to let him fail even if it meant I had to go out to La Push and hold his fucking hand through the end.

"Edward, the spirits guide us. They're supposed to protect us. Bella's not out there. If she was, I'd know. I'd be strong enough to fight this fucking nightmare." His desperation was thick around us.

"She _is_ here," I insisted softly. "I've seen her, spoken to her."

He shook his head disbelievingly. "Impossible," he spat. "Why would she come to _you_?"

It would probably kill him if I had to tell him she didn't remember their family. I didn't have the heart. "She's in some kind of danger, Jake. I don't know what, but it's what killed her."

Jake tried to gage the truth through my eyes, but was still shaking his head. I couldn't blame him. If I hadn't seen her, heard her voice, I never would have believed. But I had and it felt imperative that Jake understand that he couldn't give up. What if the boys were next? I wasn't going to let anything endanger them. It may be too late for me or even Jake, but there was still hope for them.

"Please," I finally pleaded. "At least try to hang on. For their sakes. Maybe we can wait it out. Bella is trying to figure this shit on her end and we have to put a little trust in her." I abruptly stood up and took a step toward the door.

"Are you fucking crazy?" he half yelled. "_Bella _is trying to figure it out? Are you listening to yourself?"

I heaved a growl of frustration. "You're the one not listening. She doesn't remember any of our shit."

"Then why is she here?" Jake demanded.

I didn't know how to answer that. I had theories, of course, but they landed somewhere between SyFy and Crazy Town and I had no idea what the truth was. Instead of saying anything else, I just fell back to the mattress and exhaled deeply. Jake's tension spun around the room, but I closed my eyes to it. Eventually confusion won him over and he settled back down next to the bed again.

Jake and I maintained the overpowering silence, all those years of awkward mistrust falling over us. Minutes dragged into hours. The rejection from the dream weighed on my mind. How could I ever expect him to trust me when the day I finally grew a pair was the day he got married? After giving him the go ahead to pursue and love Bella, I tried to ruin it.

Before I realized it, the room was dark again. Jake was breathing heavily from the floor, snoring softly. I was relieved. He obviously hadn't been sleeping. I laid still, listening to the regular intake of his breathing and the settling of the long abandoned house. Even the noise of my thoughts, the awareness that Bella was gone and that Jake had given up himself and his children, was not enough to keep sleep from taking me as well. Before I knew it, my eyes were closed.

The dream picked up where it left off that morning. I was kissing Bella and she was pushing me away. Jake's fist connected with my jaw. I was lying on the floor staring up at a blank ceiling. Bella's shocked face swirled before me, but it was Jake's anger that really caught me. Through the haze, I looked up at him stunned at what I saw. His irises began to yellow, pupils contracting into narrow slits. Then, the whole face was changing. His nose elongated into snout. Thick dark hair sprouted across his cheeks and on his neck, until it was no longer Jake at all. I was suddenly staring into the eyes of a wolf.

I scrambled hastily to my feet, looking for Bella, instinct demanding I protect her from the beast. But she wasn't there and I was standing alone in the forest, surrounded on all sides by towering pines. The trees creaked and groaned with wind I did not feel, but ice dripped into the base of my spine as I stood face to face with the monstrous wolf. Its warm breath hit my cheeks smelling of meat and blood and dead things.

"Why are you here?" a voice demanded. I realized it came from my mouth, but I hadn't spoken. It took me half a heartbeat to realize it was Jake. _I _was Jake. Somehow, I had gotten into his dreams again. I half wondered how I had gotten there, but Jake sensed me and urged me to keep quiet.

"I shouldn't be," the wolf's answer sounded through my ears. It took me a moment to realize it hadn't spoken aloud. Like Jake, it had communicated with my mind. "It is forbidden for the Elders to contact you. You chose the wrong path."

Jacob immediately bristled. A memory came to his mind and because I was him, I _remembered_ with him. This was not Jake's first encounter with this "Elder." It'd been there through childhood, but the last time was when he tried to persuade Jake not to marry Bella. It had not gone over well. Jake, so much more a boy then, had told the wolf to fuck off and it was the last time he had seen it. Until now.

The beast looked sad. Or as sad as a gigantic wolf could look under any circumstance. "Do not think I don't love you," it told us. "I have always loved you and only wanted what was best. I fought them this time, but I could not stand alone."

"Fought against what?" He was struggling to stay annoyed, but curiosity was winning out.

"Against giving her up," came the simple answer.

"Giving who up?" Jake asked.

"Bella?" That was me.

The beast bowed its massive head. "They think they know how to save you. They know nothing. Without her, you are all lost. She is the key to stop this." The wolf looked at me. I mean, _me_. Through Jake, straight to where I was cowering in his mind. "It was wrong not to let Jake have a say. Some of us still know what it means to truly believe in family. They have taken your woman, mother of our people. Without her, your souls lose purpose. It won't end well for anyone, least of all Bella."

"Who took her? Where is she?" Jake and I demanded at once.

"She is likely lost," the wolf answered with a hint of apology. "But you are not. Your children are not. You must try to save those you can."

"So, save myself while Bella remains missing, is that what you're saying?" Jake demanded hostility back. "Sacrifice her soul for mine? How can you even ask me that?"

"Choose or do not," the Elder answered harshly. "There is only one path."

Suddenly, there was an ear splitting crackle and the wolf was changing. Its face was shrinking, the fur burning away to ash across his angled cheeks and hard chin. His jet black hair hanging past broad shoulders and deep brown skin reminded me of Jacob, but the eyes were something else. The only word I can think of it _unearthly_. They were gold and bronze and red, all swirling in a pool of insane intellect. I cowered as the man inside became more intimidating than the wolf. Jake didn't back down an inch.

"Fools!" He cursed us both. "Despite their mother, the boys carry the souls of warriors. So do you, Jacob, the soul of a great Quileute chief. We protect our people. Fighting is the only option. You have to know that."

Jake's mind went to his mother. They hadn't protected her. They had let her die. Her death had been the point he disconnected with his ancestors the first time. The wolfman only brought it up to the forefront of his mind again.

I'm not sure if Jake came to Grandma Swan's just wanting to get away from this shit for a minute, but he never had any intention of leaving his kids. He knew they needed him to survive this haunting. Jake could just not see any other options. Real life began to tug at us when it touched the dream. The forest around us was shimmering, turning to thick, dark mist. Consciousness was pulling us into it. We were waking up.

"You have to kill it," the Elder said, just as his face disappeared into the encroaching reality. "_Kill it_!"

I blinked into the dark room, wondering how much time had passed since the dream started. I flashed a glance at Jake. His eyes were still closed, but I could tell by the shaky way he was breathing that he was awake too. Carefully shifting to my elbows I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and stood up.

"What the fuck was that?" I shook my head dazedly. I knew that dream was real, at least partially, but that didn't stop me from blaming it on my imagination. "What the fuck?" I repeated a bit more hysterically.

Jake didn't budge, but I knew he was listening. The house groaned and there was a pattering of footprints from the attic. It wasn't Bella, though. Bella was gone. I had to kill whatever had taken her. _That _was real.

"Come on," I said.

Jake lifted the arm that was thrown across her face and peered at me through one eye. "What's the point?" he muttered.

I was fucking shocked. "Was I the only one who just experienced that werewolf spirit shit? Fuck that. The point is killing that fucker and saving your kids. You're either with me or King Asshole. _Get up_!"

Jake made no effort to move. Fine. If he felt like being a douche bag for the rest of his life, it was fine by me. I wasn't going to sit around and decompose while this thing – whatever the fuck it was – went around attacking people I know, people I care about. Jake could be a coward for all I could care. I was going to save the fucking day.

I was halfway to Alice's before I heard the low rumble of Jake's car pull up beside me. He looked haggard. The sleep hadn't done him as good as I thought, but he offered a weary smile as I climbed into the car.

Alice was waiting on her doorstep. I was out the car and running to her before Jake had even stopped. I didn't care. My little sister was the only one who might be able to help me. I felt desperate for her familiar comfort and ended up crashing into her waiting arms. Little arms hugged me tightly until my breathing evened. If she was surprised by Jake's presence, it was kept it to herself, but something told me she'd been expecting us both.

After a minute or two, she led us in the house. Part of me was aware I was seeing my sister's home for the first time though she and Jasper had lived there for years. That same part was horrified by the overuse of gaudy flower prints and had a hard time imagining Jasper ever being able to even step into this room. It looked like a little senile old woman puked all over the fucking place. But all that was irrelevant, because as soon as I entered that god-awful living room my attention was fixed by a golden glowing light in the center of the room.

"This is Carlisle," Alice said entering behind me. "He has something to tell you."

I choked on my tongue. Why did this shit keep happening? I'd lived the entire first three decades of my life ignorant of anything other than the tiny little bubble of my reality. Now, in a matter of days I'd been confronted by all kinds of paranormal shit. My head was whirling. When would it end?

"Listen with your soul and hear him." Alice's voice had that strange monotone from the other day, when my haunting was nothing of consequence. Still, I tried to listen and held my breath while I stared at the golden orb, willing it to speak to me.

"They've taken Bella's soul," Alice said a moment later.

I looked quickly from the golden mass to my sister. "What do you mean 'taken'?" I demanded either of them. "How do we get her back?"

_I'm sorry. There's nothing you can do for Isabella now._ This time, I did hear it. The voice echoed inside my mind, followed by a current of excitement. _Finally! _It exclaimed. _The connection is open. I thought you'd live this entire life without finding a way of opening it to me. _

All I could think to say was, "What the fuck?"

Alice was across the room shaking her head, trying to loosen the daze and Jake simply looked lost. I wasn't sure he had any clue about what was happening around him. He might not even be able to see this thing. But I didn't have time to hold his hand and explain it right then. I was barely grasping it on my own.

"Who are you?" I asked, biding time.

_Carlisle, _it answered simply.

"What can I do to get Bella back?" I urged. There had to be a reason behind this visit.

_You don't. If anyone can help her, it will be me._

"Then why are you here?" I shouted back. "Go save her!"

_I will do my best,_ he promised calmly. _I had to leave you a warning. There is one on this side. If he does not realize who you are yet, he will soon. You must stay safe._

"What?" I snapped impatiently. "All that matters is Bella!"

_I'm sorry, Edward, it may already be too late._ Carlisle's sympathy was real and tangible. Whatever my connection to this man, it ran deep. As if he'd said enough, the brilliant glow began fading. Its outer edges became transparent and revealed the dining room beyond, while the center of it – the core – grew brighter. Then, the golden ball, so condensed and brilliant that I could barely stand to look at it anymore flashed once and flew straight at me. It hit me in the chest and I was stumbling, stumbling into the soft embrace of the cream and rose covered sofa, air sucked from my lungs.

I sputtered and gagged to regain my breath and finally looked up through my tears. "What the fuck was that?"

Alice still looked a little dazed herself and pinched her eyes shut. "He's trying to warn you, Edward."

"Yeah, got that. _What the fuck_?"

She obviously didn't have an answer, so it surprised both of us when Jake, still lingering by the front door, spoke up. "He said something is here," like that explained anything. "That black thing, dumbass. It's looking for you, too."

My sister and I gaped. Neither of us was sure how to respond to his words, but we both knew they were true. Jake's boys were at risk because Bella was their mother and she'd been hiding. But, I got the feeling that whatever this thing was, it was hunting me for another reason entirely. Not that it mattered. The only thing I could think about was Bella. I might never see her again because of that fucking demon mist and I was supposed to be careful?

Not fucking likely. I was time I did a little hunting of my own.

Two different spirits had given me essentially the same information. Bella, the love of my life, was gone from me possibly for good. And for her honor I had to do something about it. No matter how I tried to look at it, I already knew what to do. There just wasn't any other fucking way. I had to kill that bastard or go down swinging.

So, I was on the brink of disaster here without a clue about how to finish this shit. If I didn't figure something out soon I was going to go in there all blaze and glory and just go down blazing. I needed more help. Alice wasn't bound to be much support as enamored as she was in all this shit. And Jake, well, Jake needed therapy. He couldn't even help himself. How could I ask him to do anything for me? I started wishing I'd left him at Grandma Swan's for all the good he was going to be. "Where the hell is Jasper?" I blurted. He was my only option.

Silence stretched heavily. My eyes burned holes into the side of Alice's head as she looked at anything but me. Why was she ignoring the question? "Where is Jasper?" I asked a little more harshly this time.

My sister responded to the demand and finally turned to me. Her eyes were wild, blazing with anger. "At work," she snarled, "covering your lazy ass!"

Well, fuck. What could I say? I'd ignored both of them.

Jake piped up again, his voice even more haggard than before. "At the graveyard?"

My stomach dropped to my feet as an icy trickle of unease shivered up my lower spine. Something was wrong. Very wrong. I got to my feet, ignoring the wave of dizziness that swam through my head. I'd had lots of practice with that and there were more pressing matters right now than passing out on my sister's ridiculously pink carpet.

I had to get to the cemetery. Jasper was in some serious shit which I had brought down on him. I didn't turn around when I heard Alice shouting for me to stop. Somehow, I knew Jake would delay her. I caught his eye as I ran from the house as he urged me to do whatever I had to do to end this nightmare for good.

I was running down the one-oh-one toward Forks Cemetery in minutes. The rain started, but I hardly noticed the cold drops seeping through my clothes. I was a man on a fucking mission.

_Vengeance_.


End file.
